I’m sure you’ve dealt with judgmental people at some point in your life. You may even feel like you’re always dealing with them. It hard to understand sometimes why people think they have a opinion about my life. Why is the world so full of judgmental people ? There will always be someone out there judging me no matter what I do.
But here’s the thing, it turns out that the people in our lives are reflections of ourselves. Birds of a feather , flock together? See you have to keep in mind that what other people say is not a reflection of you but a reflection of them. This may be hard to swallow at first, but it’s true.
I’ve always had this thrown in my face but understand the concept has taken me well into my 40’s and I’ve finally accepted it. Trust me, it’s not easy but it makes sense when you really think about it. When I finally understood this, I realized that I myself was placing a lot of judgment on other people too. What I mean by that is that I often looked at strangers who were doing something different and instantly formed opinions of them in my head, such as “she’s crazy, that’s not normal behaviour, what is she thinking, why is she so weird?” Does this sound familiar? I love to watch people. I can remember sitting on a side bench at Carowind’s Amusement Park, waiting for my children while they are in line to get on a ride. Just watching people as they go by. Imaging what they are saying, trying to read their lips and yes, of course throw out judgment.
You might as well admit it, I know for a fact that you’ve done this too ( judging people) because we all do it. The problem is some of us do it a lot more than others. When I realized what I was doing, I felt sort of ashamed and I did not want to be so judgmental anymore, so I made every effort to cut it out. I wanted to try to understand, be more curious, less judgmental. Try to put the shoe on the other foot sort of thing.
Today, I still do catch myself but rarely snap judgments of people and when I do, I think about how I would feel and how I have felt. I try to analyze it, be curious and wonder , “why”?
If you are finding yourself surrounded by a lot of judgmental people, here are some tips on how to deal with the situation:
1. Look in the mirror.
Do you need to sweep your front porch? Many people are so full of themselves. They have so many skeletons in the closet but yet are worried about your pile of trash. But we have to look in the mirror. Not worry about them and ask ourselves, “Why am I being judgmental ? Why do I find myself judging people on and what does that have to do with me, what can I work on to better myself?” Think about what areas of your life need improvement and list ways your can begin to heal those areas.
2. Practice compassion.
When you know people are judging you. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and realize that they’re feeling insecure about themselves for some reason. Something in their life isn’t right. They’re probably feeling down and disconnected from themselves and don’t know how to deal with it. You try to be the better person and treat everyone with love, respect and understanding even if they are criticizing you. Understand that their harsh behaviour has nothing to do with you but with the way they feel about themselves. If they are just being assholes tell them to , “Go take a long walk on a short pier”. You certainly don’t need that negativity in your life.
3. Look for the lesson.
Choose to believe that every experience you encounter is trying to teach you something. Get in the habit of finding the lesson you’re meant to learn every time someone judges you for something. Thank God when you realize what that lesson is. Instead of getting all bent out of shape, choose to see the deeper meaning behind coming across a harsh person. Be thankful that you are NOT that person. Going through what ever they are going through.
4. Appreciate the good side of it.
Instead of getting angry when someone criticized you, appreciate and realize that your message is getting across and people are noticing what you have to say. If you’re blogging or writing for example, like me, and you’re starting to get some negative feedback, celebrate that you’re actually getting through to people and being heard. I’m absolutely ecstatic when I see a comment on one of my threads. Good or bad! I feel that for every negative feedback, I have 10 times more positive feedback (probably even much more), so I don’t dwell on the negative, but focus on the positive. Leave me some feedbacks!
5. Accept all feedback.
If you’re at all in a public eye of any sort, like I am, be prepared to receive all types of feedback. Especially if you’re asking people for their honest opinion, be ready to hear what you don’t like. Too often we say to someone, “Be honest, tell me what you really think”, but in reality we’re not prepared at all to hear anything negative. Sure , I love hearing ” just want to hear”. You have to practice receiving honest feedback and appreciating it for its value. You don’t have to always like it, but you should always be open to it objectively.
6. Don’t take things personally.
If someone you know is judging you harshly, know that it is probably because they judge themselves harshly. Just think ,” would they kiss their mother with that opinion”? Some people just don’t like seeing other people make it. It’s that simple. Don’t take it personally. Don’t make their negativity your own. Don’t let their toxic words go to your heart. Don’t poison yourself with things that have little or nothing to do with who you are.
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering” ― Miguel Ruiz
7. Look beyond appearances.
Learn to look beyond appearances, to really see and hear what their soul is saying , not their ego trip , wants you to see and hear.
Look beyond appearances, behind the harsh and toxic words, and see if you can find that place within them where love, beauty and kindness resides. if not, don’t let is sit inside you. Let it go. Like a duck allow was to flow off its back. try to look for the good in people and trust that by doing so you will help bring out the good that lies in them. People wont always see your vision and that is okay. It’s your vision not theirs. It’s your destiny. Not theirs. Walk your path.
“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” ~ Thích Nhất Hạnh
8. The world is your mirror
“ As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
I have come to realize that whenever I lose control over my thoughts and whenever my thinking isn’t that positive and uplifting, that’s when things start to go wrong in my world. I’m just in a bad mood. I need to recap, refocus and reenergize.
Like attracts like. If there’s darkness within, there will be darkness without. The world is our mirror, it reflects back what’s already within us. If the people that come your way are filled with negativity and toxicity and if you feel that you have many interactions of this kind, you might want to start purifying your thoughts and cleansing your own inner world. Get a new porch to sit on, so to speak. What I mean by that is find new friends. Change your circle.
9. Adopt an attitude of gratitude
“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.” ~ Khalil Gibran
Get into the habit of expressing your gratitude and appreciation for every interaction and every experience life sends you way, no matter if good or bad. Use them all to enrich your life and who you are, to grow, to expand and to become the beautiful and wonderful being you were born to be. If you don’t appreciate what God has already given you why would he give you more to NOT appreciate.
10. Focus your energy and attention upon those who love and appreciate you
Don’t waste your time judging the people who judge you, instead, channel your energy on loving the people who love you. Use your precious time and energy to show your love and appreciation to those who love and adore you.
“When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.” ~ A Course In Miracles
Sometimes there are particularly difficult people in our lives or that we come across, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. If all else fails, just try to avoid them as much as possible and focus on your own life. You know the old saying, ” Misery loves company” and trust me. It’s true!
If you have anything to add to this or other ways of dealing with judgmental people, please share in the comments section below.
I hope to hear from you!