Chapter 20: And I’m Telling You… I’m Not Going (Back)

Why I won’t apologize for wanting to be hot, healthy, and whole again.

You know what I’ve finally decided?

I’m not going back.
Not to the shame.
Not to the silence.
Not to pretending I’m okay when my body is screaming that I’m not.

Yes, I may miss the days when my jeans zipped without prayer and I could survive on cereal and sarcasm. But this isn’t about nostalgia — it’s about reclamation.

There’s a version of me that existed before the exhaustion, before the puffiness, before the bloodwork that read like a warning label. She was fierce. She was vibrant. She laughed louder and walked taller. And for a while, I mourned her like a death.

But now? I see her differently.
She’s not gone.
She was buried—under hormones, survival mode, motherhood, trauma, and everyone else’s needs stacked on top of mine.

And I’m telling you right now:

I’m digging her out. And she’s coming back better.


✨ I will not apologize…

  • For wanting to feel confident in my own skin again
  • For wanting to turn heads, even if just my own in the mirror
  • For wanting my energy, my libido, and my damn waistline back
  • For saying no to burnout and yes to balance
  • For refusing to shrink my dreams while my body expands

Some people will say:

“You should just accept yourself.”
And I do.
I accept that my body is doing its best — and I’m doing mine, too.
But loving yourself doesn’t mean giving up on yourself.

I love my body enough to fight for it.
I love my future enough to want a healthy, vibrant version of me in it.
And I love myself enough to say:

I’m not settling for survival anymore. I want vitality.


💥 The comeback isn’t about going back in time.

It’s about bringing her forward — the girl who knew her worth long before the world tried to shrink it.

And I’m telling you… I’m not going.

Not back to being small, silent, or sick.

Not back to apologizing for wanting more.

Not back to dimming myself so others can shine.

This chapter? It’s my mic drop.
This book? My mixtape.
This life? My stage.

Cue the spotlight. I’m just getting started.


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