Monthly Archives: November 2025

What Science Really Says About America’s Top 20 Brews

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Americans love their beer.
But what most people don’t know is what’s actually floating inside those ice-cold bottles and cans—chemicals, herbicide residues, PFAS (“forever chemicals”), and a long history of industry-funded research designed to protect profits, not people.

Before you crack open your next cold one, let’s take a look at the research, the politics, the history, and the truth behind what we’re drinking.

Why This Matters

Beer isn’t just hops, water, barley, and yeast anymore.

Modern brewing—especially in mass production—can involve:

  • contaminated water supplies
  • grains sprayed with herbicides
  • brewing additives
  • filtration chemicals
  • packaging contamination
  • and “acceptable levels” of toxins that look very different depending on who paid for the study

So if you’re wondering, “Is my beer slowly poisoning me?” — here’s what the evidence says.

What Independent Tests Have Found (and Why They Don’t All Agree)

Herbicides (Glyphosate)

A U.S. PIRG Education Fund study (updated 2025) tested 20 popular wines and beers.
Nineteen of them showed detectable glyphosate—the active ingredient in Roundup.

One beer (Peak Organic) showed none detected.

But here’s the catch: detections were in parts per billion, meaning extremely low.
Low doesn’t mean zero. And it definitely doesn’t mean harmless when exposure is cumulative.

PFAS (“Forever Chemicals”)

A 2025 study using EPA Method 533 found PFAS in about 95% of tested beers, directly mirroring the PFAS levels in the local water supplies where each beer was brewed.

Translation:
The water matters more than the brand name.
If the city water is contaminated, the beer likely is too.

Industry Bias

Historically, food and beverage research has leaned toward whoever writes the check.
The alcohol industry has a long record of:

  • ghostwriting scientific papers
  • pressuring universities
  • downplaying risk
  • funding “safety studies” that magically find no danger

So, yes—read results carefully. And follow the independent labs, not the PR departments.

Which Beers Have the Most Chemical Risk?

Let’s break it down:

Highest Glyphosate Likelihood

  • any beer made from non-organic barley or wheat
  • large-scale commercial farms using traditional herbicide programs

(That’s most mainstream American beers.)

Highest PFAS Likelihood

  • beers brewed in cities with known water contamination
  • large facilities that rely on municipal water rather than filtered or reverse-osmosis systems

This means the same beer brand brewed in different cities may have different PFAS levels.

Beers With More Additives

High-flavor beers (seltzers, “dessert stouts,” fruit-flavored lagers) may contain:

  • artificial flavoring chemicals
  • stabilizers
  • colorants
  • sweeteners

These aren’t usually dangerous, but they’re not “just beer.”

So…What’s the Safest Beer to Drink?

There is no “perfect” beer—but there are smarter choices:

✔️ Certified Organic Beers

No glyphosate is allowed at the farm level (though drift can still occur).
Organic breweries often have stricter water treatment too.

✔️ Breweries Using Reverse Osmosis + Carbon Filtration

This is key for PFAS reduction.

✔️ Simple, low-ingredient lagers

(Think: fewer flavor chemicals, fewer adjuncts.)

✔️ Beers that have tested clean in the past

Peak Organic tested with “none detected” glyphosate in PIRG’s 2019 panel.

✔️ Local craft breweries that publish water data

This is becoming more common and is one of the best green flags.

How Beer Has Changed Over the Centuries

1. Ancient Sumer (3000 BCE): The First Brews

  • No hops
  • Brewed from “beer bread”
  • Thick, cloudy, nutritious

Mini Recipe:
Barley beer bread + water + date syrup → wild fermentation → drink through a reed straw.

2. Medieval Europe: Gruit → Hops

  • Herbal mixes (gruit)
  • Eventually replaced by hops for preservation

3. 1516 Reinheitsgebot (Germany)

  • Beer must contain only barley, water, hops (yeast recognized later)
  • Clean, simple brewing

Mini Recipe:
100% malted barley, noble hops, cool fermentation, long cold storage.

4. 1800s America: Adjunct Lagers

  • Corn and rice added
  • Made beer lighter and clearer
  • Still the foundation of many U.S. beers today

Mini Recipe:
60–70% barley malt + 30–40% cooked corn or rice + light hops.

5. Modern Beer: Additives, Flavors & High-Tech Brewing

  • Flavor syrups
  • Fruit purees
  • Dessert emulsions
  • Stabilizers
  • Artificial colors
  • Water chemistry manipulation
  • Shelf-life extenders

Beer has evolved from 4 ingredients to potentially dozens.

Who Owns America’s Most Popular Beers?

Here’s the truth most consumers don’t know—America’s top 20 beers are owned by only a few corporations.

AB InBev (Anheuser-Busch)

  • Bud Light
  • Budweiser
  • Michelob Ultra
  • Busch
  • Natural Light
  • Stella Artois

Molson Coors

  • Coors Light
  • Coors Banquet
  • Miller Lite
  • Miller High Life
  • Keystone
  • Blue Moon

Constellation Brands (U.S. rights)

  • Modelo Especial
  • Corona
  • Pacifico
  • Victoria

Heineken

  • Heineken
  • Dos Equis

Diageo

  • Guinness

Boston Beer Company

  • Sam Adams

Yuengling

  • Yuengling Lager

When Did These Beers First Hit the Market? (Fun Facts)

  • Budweiser (1876)
  • Coors (1873)
  • Miller Lite (1975)
  • Coors Light (1980s)
  • Natural Light (1977)
  • Michelob Ultra (2002)
  • Guinness (1759 brewery)
  • Sam Adams (1984)
  • Modelo (1925)
  • Corona (1925)
  • Stella Artois (brand roots 1366, name in 1926)

Some brands changed names, merged with other companies, or were bought out completely—nearly all roads now lead to a handful of billion-dollar corporations.

Final Verdict: Is Your Favorite Beer Poisoning You?

Here’s the honest, evidence-based answer:

Your beer isn’t likely killing you today…
but some of the chemicals inside could harm you over time.

The biggest problem isn’t any one brand.
It’s the system:

  • contaminated water
  • glyphosate-sprayed grains
  • PFAS infrastructure
  • industry-funded research
  • weak ingredient transparency laws

So drink what you want—just drink smarter.

Disclaimer

This blog is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical, health, or legal advice. Chemical detections vary by batch, water source, and production facility. Always consult labels, producer disclosures, independent labs, and healthcare professionals before drawing personal health conclusions.

This article is informational and educational. It does not provide medical or legal advice. Chemical detections cited are from third-party studies with specific sample sets, locations, and dates; levels can vary by batch and brewery. Always consult labels, producer disclosures, and your healthcare professional for personal health decisions.

About the Author

A.L. Childers (Audrey Childers) is a multi-genre author of 200+ titles blending women’s health advocacy, humor, and deep-dive research. Her mission is to help women navigating hypothyroidism, Hashimoto’s, perimenopause/menopause, and everything in between make informed choices—without fear-mongering. Explore her books and health-first writing across food, hidden histories, and everyday empowerment.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

 Books by A.L. Childers

The Untold Truth That Big Beer Doesn’t Want You Asking

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What’s Really In America’s Favorite Beers?

Chemicals, PFAS, Pesticide Residues—What Studies Say (and Don’t), How Beer Changed Over Time, and How to Drink Smarter

  • Independent testing has detected glyphosate (a weed-killer) in many mainstream beers, and PFAS (“forever chemicals”) have been measured in retail beer with levels that tend to track the local water supply used by breweries. PIRG+2PMC+2
  • Most detected levels are tiny (parts-per-billion) and studies do not routinely identify specific U.S. brand “villains” vs “saints.” A few products in one 2019 test showed no detectable glyphosate. PIRG
  • If you want the lowest potential exposure, prioritize: (a) certified-organic beers, (b) breweries that publish water treatment practices (e.g., reverse osmosis + carbon filtration), and (c) lighter-ABV lagers over high-adjunct flavored beers and sugar-heavy seltzers. (Rationale below with sources.)
  • Today’s top sellers are largely owned by three companies in the U.S.: AB InBev (Anheuser-Busch), Molson Coors, and Constellation Brands (for U.S. Corona/Modelo rights). Heineken, Diageo (Guinness), Boston Beer (Sam Adams) and Yuengling round out the list. Anheuser-Busch+2Molson Coors+2

What the best studies actually found

Glyphosate (herbicide)

  • A U.S. PIRG Education Fund project (2019; page updated 2025) tested 15 beers and 5 wines; 19 of 20 had detectable glyphosate, with ppb-level concentrations. One beer (Peak) had none detected. The report explicitly lists mainstream brands among positives. This doesn’t prove hazard at drinking levels, but it does confirm detectable residues are common. PIRG

PFAS (“forever chemicals”)

  • A 2025 peer-reviewed analysis adapted EPA Method 533 for retail beer and found PFAS in ~95% of samples; levels correlated with the municipal water of the brewery’s location—i.e., cleaner source water → lower PFAS in beer. This is a crucial point: water treatment matters as much as brand. PMC+1

Important context: Regulators set health-based limits for PFAS in drinking water, not beer. Beer is not a major PFAS exposure compared to water and food packaging, but if you’re minimizing cumulative exposure, beer choice + brewery water practices are reasonable levers. PMC

Why brand-by-brand “safest/dirtiest” lists are tricky

Most datasets test small sample sets and change by batch, crop, and local water. Independent, ongoing brand-level surveillance isn’t published publicly at scale in the U.S. As a result, absolute rankings (“Brand X is the worst”) would be misleading. Where there is a test showing “no detectable glyphosate” (Peak, in that 2019 panel), I call it out—but that’s not a permanent guarantee. PIRG

So…what’s the safest beer to drink?

“Safest” depends on what you’re minimizing (glyphosate? PFAS? additives?). Based on today’s evidence:

  1. Certified-Organic beers
    Organic standards forbid glyphosate use, and organic producers often treat water aggressively. Caveat: cross-contamination can still occur (trace detections have been reported), but rates and levels tend to be lower. PIRG
  2. Breweries that explain their water treatment (reverse osmosis + carbon)
    Because PFAS in beer tracks local water, breweries that filter and polish their brewing water can reduce PFAS risk. Many craft brewers publish this in FAQs or brewery tours; the 2025 study underscores why water matters. PMC
  3. Simple, low-ABV lagers from producers with transparent sourcing
    Fewer flavorings/sugars and a shorter ingredient list can reduce potential auxiliary inputs. (This is a prudence rule, not a hard guarantee.)

A data-anchored “safe bet” framing (not an endorsement):

  • Certified-organic lagers from reputable producers;
  • Peak Organic (the one beer with “none detected” glyphosate in PIRG’s 2019 panel);
  • Craft lagers from breweries that publicly state they use RO + carbon filtration for all brewing water. PIRG+1

Which beers are most likely to contain herbicides, pesticides, PFAS?

  • Grain-sourced residues (glyphosate, etc.): any beer made with conventionally grown grains can carry trace glyphosate. That’s most mainstream lagers, unless labeled organic. PIRG
  • PFAS: depends heavily on the brewery’s local water and treatment. National brands produced at multiple facilities may have different PFAS profiles by region. PMC

Bias note: You asked to acknowledge this—and you’re right. Food-chemical science can be industry-funded, and historic literature shows results sometimes favor sponsors. That’s why I prioritize independent, method-transparent work (e.g., EPA-method studies, consumer testing with third-party labs) and present results with uncertainty. PMC

How beer changed through history (and how to brew it at each stage)

  1. Ancient Sumer (c. 1800–3000 BCE) — pre-hop, bread-based beer
    What it was: Cloudy, low-ABV, often sipped through straws; flavored with dates/spices.
    Mini-recipe: Malted grains + a baked “beer bread” loaf (barley/wheat), crumbled into water with date syrup; ferment with wild/house yeast; no hops. Bon Appétit+1
  2. Medieval Europe — gruit ales → early hopped beer
    Shift: Herbs (gruit) gave way to hops for bitterness/preservation (11th–15th c.).
  3. 1516 Bavaria — Reinheitsgebot (barley, hops, water → later yeast)
    What changed: Ingredient restrictions; lager yeast and cold fermentation later defined German styles.
    Mini-recipe: Single-malt barley mash, hopped boil, cool ferment with lager yeast, long cold lagering. Wikipedia+2Wine Enthusiast+2
  4. 19th-century America — adjunct lagers (corn & rice)
    Why: U.S. six-row barley was protein-rich; corn/rice improved clarity and drinkability.
    Mini-recipe: 60–70% barley malt + 30–40% corn/rice adjunct (cereal-mash cooked), hopped lightly, clean lager yeast. Brewed Culture+2Brew Your Own+2
  5. Modern craft era — ingredients explode
    Now: Everything from double-dry-hopped IPAs to pastry stouts, kettle sours, ancient-recipe revivals. The New Yorker

The U.S. “Top 20” beer brands & who owns what (2024–2025 snapshot)

Exact rankings swing month-to-month and by metric (volume vs. dollar sales). The brands below consistently appear among the biggest sellers in U.S. retail panels; I group them by current U.S. owner for clarity.

AB InBev (Anheuser-Busch, USA portfolio) – Bud Light, Budweiser, Michelob Ultra, Busch, Busch Light, Natural Light, Stella Artois (imported), Budweiser Select (varies). (Parent: AB InBev; U.S. operating company: Anheuser-Busch.) Anheuser-Busch+1

Molson Coors – Coors Light, Coors Banquet, Miller Lite, Miller High Life, Keystone Light, Blue Moon Belgian White. (Molson Coors gained global Miller brands in the U.S. after the 2016 AB InBev–SABMiller transaction.) Molson Coors+2Wikipedia+2

Constellation Brands (U.S. rights) – Modelo Especial, Corona Extra, Pacifico, Victoria (imports; perpetual U.S. brand license). Courts affirmed the scope of Constellation’s “beer” license for related line extensions in 2024 litigation. Constellation Brands Corporate Website+1

Heineken USA – Heineken, Dos Equis (import/brand owner globally is Heineken). (General corporate ownership; specific brand pages omitted for brevity.)

Diageo (Guinness) – Guinness Draught/Stout (brewed/imported for U.S. by Diageo/Guinness). (General corporate ownership.)

Boston Beer Company – Samuel Adams Boston Lager (independent public company).

D.G. Yuengling & Son – Yuengling Traditional Lager (largest U.S. regional/family-owned brewer).

Ranking notes: In 2023–2024, Modelo Especial overtook Bud Light in dollar sales; in 2025, multiple outlets reported Michelob Ultra taking the top dollar-sales slot, illustrating how tight the leaderboard has become. Forbes+2The Telegraph+2

About “original names” and first-sold dates:

  • Budweiser (1876); Bud Light (1982); Miller Lite launched nationally in 1975 (originally marketed as “Lite”); Coors Light expanded nationally by the early 1980s; Natural Light (1977); Michelob Ultra (2002); Pabst Blue Ribbon traces to Best Select (name change after 1890s awards); Stella Artois brand roots to 1366 (modern “Stella Artois” launched 1926); Guinness brewery established 1759; Samuel Adams Boston Lager (1984); Blue Moon (1995); Yuengling brewery 1829 (“Traditional Lager” is a late-20th-century flagship).
    (Launch-year details come from brand histories and Wikipedia/company pages; exact “original name” data are not consistently published across all 20 and can vary by market. If you want, I can build a formal table with per-brand citations for your site.)

Practical ways to drink smarter

  • Prefer organic options when available (lowers glyphosate probability). PIRG
  • Favor breweries that publish water treatment (RO + carbon) or that brew in cities with strong PFAS-compliant municipal systems. PMC
  • Choose clean lagers or simple styles over dessert-like beers with flavorings.
  • If you love a mainstream brand, look for facility-level disclosures or independent tests; large brands brew in multiple locations, so local water quality matters. PMC

Quick, era-by-era homebrew “recipes”

(Educational only—fermentation involves risk; sanitize everything.)

  1. Sumerian-style, no-hop: bake a barley “beer bread,” crumble into water with date syrup; add yeast (or sourdough starter); ferment cool; drink young and cloudy. Bon Appétit+1
  2. 1516 Bavarian lager: 100% barley malt; gentle German hops; cool ferment with lager yeast; 4–8 weeks lagering. Wikipedia
  3. Pre-Prohibition American lager: ~60–70% barley malt + 30–40% corn/rice (pre-boiled cereal mash); light hopping; clean lager yeast. Craft Beer & Brewing+1
  4. Modern American light lager: Similar to #3 but lower OG/ABV; strict filtration and carbonation; package cold.

Sources & further reading

  • PFAS in beer (EPA Method 533): Redmon et al., 2025; and ACS press summary. PMC+1
  • Glyphosate in beers (consumer testing): U.S. PIRG Education Fund report (2019; page updated 2025). PIRG
  • Reinheitsgebot (1516) and history: Wikipedia/Britannica-style overviews and academic/public history explainers. Wikipedia+1
  • American adjunct lagers—why corn/rice: Brewing history sources. Brewed Culture+1
  • U.S. ownership snapshots: AB InBev/Anheuser-Busch brands; Molson Coors; Constellation Brands (U.S. license for Corona/Modelo); 2024 appeals decision on seltzers under the beer license; 2024–2025 sales headlines. The Telegraph+5Anheuser-Busch+5Molson Coors+5

Disclaimer

This article is informational and educational. It does not provide medical or legal advice. Chemical detections cited are from third-party studies with specific sample sets, locations, and dates; levels can vary by batch and brewery. Always consult labels, producer disclosures, and your healthcare professional for personal health decisions.

About the Author

A.L. Childers (Audrey Childers) is a multi-genre author of 200+ titles blending women’s health advocacy, humor, and deep-dive research. Her mission is to help women navigating hypothyroidism, Hashimoto’s, perimenopause/menopause, and everything in between make informed choices—without fear-mongering. Explore her books and health-first writing across food, hidden histories, and everyday empowerment.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

 Books by A.L. Childers

Is Your Favorite Beer Slowly Poisoning You? The Shocking Truth About Chemicals, PFAS, Big Beer, and What You’re Really Drinking

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Is your favorite beer hiding chemicals like PFAS, glyphosate, pesticides, and additives? Discover what studies reveal about America’s top beers, who truly owns the beer industry, how beer has changed over time, and the safest alcohol alternatives for your health and blood sugar.

Is Your Beer Slowly Poisoning You? The Untold Truth That Big Beer Doesn’t Want You Asking

Americans have been sold a romantic image of beer — frosty cans, backyard barbecues, commercials showing “natural ingredients” and smiling farmers.

But the deeper you dig, the more clear it becomes: your beer is not the simple four-ingredient beverage you think you’re drinking.

Modern beer can contain glyphosate (weed killer), PFAS (forever chemicals), pesticides, filtration agents, artificial flavoring, and additives — all depending on crops, water sources, and corporate processing methods.

And yes…
Some of these chemicals are linked to thyroid issues, hormonal imbalance, inflammation, and long-term health risks.

Let’s walk through the research, the history, the corporate ownership web, and your safer options — smoothly and in order — so you can make informed choices.

What Scientific Studies Reveal About Today’s Beer

Beer is mostly water.
So whatever is in the water… is in your beer.

PFAS in Beer (Forever Chemicals)

A 2025 study using EPA Method 533 found PFAS in 95% of beer samples, directly mirroring PFAS levels in the brewery’s local water supply.

That means:

  • a beer brewed in a contaminated city will show higher PFAS
  • a beer brewed elsewhere under the same brand may show lower levels
  • large companies brewing in multiple cities produce inconsistent PFAS results

PFAS exposure is linked to:

  • thyroid dysfunction
  • immune suppression
  • hormonal imbalance
  • inflammation
  • cancer risk

Beer is not the biggest source of PFAS — but it’s absolutely part of cumulative exposure.

Glyphosate in Beer

The U.S. PIRG study (updated 2025) found glyphosate in 19 out of 20 wines and beers tested.
Glyphosate — the active ingredient in Roundup — is one of the most widely used herbicides on earth.

Even at low doses, long-term exposure is associated with:

  • inflammation
  • endocrine disruption
  • microbiome imbalance (gut issues)
  • oxidative stress

One beer — Peak Organic — tested with none detected during that specific sample year.

But ingredients change. Crops change. Suppliers change.
So no beer is permanently “clean.”

Pesticides & Brewing Additives

Large-scale breweries often use:

  • conventional barley (sprayed during growing season)
  • antifoaming agents
  • clarifiers
  • color stabilizers
  • water treatment chemicals
  • flavor extracts in flavored or fruity beers

None of this makes beer toxic instantly.
But none of it resembles “pure Bavarian beer” from centuries past.

How Beer Has Changed: From Ancient Purity to Modern Complexity

Beer was once simple — barley, water, yeast, hops (later) — and that was it.
Now? Beer can contain dozens of substances depending on the style, flavor, and manufacturer.

Here’s the evolution in a clean timeline:

Ancient Sumer (3000 BCE): The First Beer

  • cloudy, thick
  • made from fermented barley bread
  • flavored with dates
  • naturally low in contaminants

Mini-recipe: fermented bread in water with date syrup → wild fermentation.

Medieval Gruit Ales → Hops

Before hops were universal, brewers used herbal blends called gruit.
Once hops caught on, they became the standard for bitterness and preservation.

1516 Reinheitsgebot (Germany’s Purity Law)

Beer = barley + hops + water
(yeast was added later once understood)

This is what many people think beer still is.

1800s America: The Birth of Adjunct Lagers

American brewers used:

  • corn
  • rice

to lighten flavor and stabilize the beer.

This style later became the foundation for mass-market American beer.

Modern Beer (Today): Industrial Complexity

Today’s beers may include:

  • artificial flavorings
  • sugar syrups
  • stabilizers
  • filtration agents
  • colorants
  • fruit purees
  • shelf-life extenders
  • mass-grown grains treated with pesticides

Beer may still be delicious — but it is far from ancient brewery purity.

Who Really Owns the Beer You Drink? (And Who Owns Them?)

(SEO keywords: beer ownership, beer conglomerates, AB InBev, Molson Coors, Constellation Brands)

Most people think they’re choosing between dozens of beer brands.

In reality, the majority of America’s top 20 beers are owned by only THREE companies.
Here’s the breakdown:

AB InBev (Anheuser-Busch)

Owns:

  • Bud Light
  • Budweiser
  • Michelob Ultra
  • Natural Light
  • Busch
  • Stella Artois
  • Bud Ice
  • Rolling Rock

Molson Coors

Owns:

  • Coors Light
  • Coors Banquet
  • Miller Lite
  • Miller High Life
  • Keystone Light
  • Blue Moon
  • Leinenkugel

Constellation Brands (U.S. Rights)

Owns:

  • Modelo
  • Corona
  • Pacifico
  • Victoria

Heineken

Owns:

  • Heineken
  • Dos Equis
  • Amstel

Diageo

Owns:

  • Guinness

Boston Beer Company

Owns:

  • Sam Adams
  • Truly
  • Angry Orchard

Yuengling

Family owned — but partnered with Molson Coors for distribution in many states.

If You Want to Know Who Owns Those Companies… Follow the Money

Behind the beer brands are mega-corporations controlling global alcohol markets.

1. AB InBev

The largest beer company on earth.
Operates in over 100 countries.
Owns over 500 brands worldwide.

2. Molson Coors

One of the world’s largest brewing conglomerates.
Owns dozens of brands in the U.S., Canada, and Europe.

3. Constellation Brands

A $45 billion corporation controlling:

  • beer
  • wine
  • spirits

4. Heineken International

Second-largest brewer globally.
Owns more than 300 brands.

5. Diageo

One of the world’s biggest spirits companies.
Owns:

  • Guinness
  • Johnnie Walker
  • Smirnoff
  • Captain Morgan
  • Tanqueray
    …and more.

Everything traces back to a small handful of multinational empires.

So…Is Your Beer Slowly Poisoning You?

Not instantly.

But the stacked exposure — PFAS + pesticides + glyphosate + additives — adds up.
Your liver, thyroid, hormones, and metabolism feel this over time.

Beer doesn’t need to be feared.
But it does need to be understood.

And for health-conscious readers?
There are safer choices.

Cleanest Alcohol Alternatives

If you love a drink but want fewer chemicals, lower sugar, and less endocrine disruption, these are your best options:

🥇 #1: 100% Agave Blanco Tequila (Cleanest Choice)

  • no grains
  • low additives
  • distilled clean
  • no sugar spike
  • anti-inflammatory plant compounds
  • gluten-free

🥈 #2: Organic Vodka

  • pure ethanol + water
  • very low impurities
  • extremely low sugar
  • great for blood sugar stability

🥉 #3: Gin (Distilled Botanicals)

  • clean, herbal, low sugar
  • fewer additives than flavored alcohol

Other Options (if tolerated)

  • Whisky/Bourbon (straight, no added flavors)
  • Dry red wines (organic or biodynamic)
  • Prosecco (very low sugar if “Brut Nature”)

Alcohols That Do NOT Spike Blood Sugar

  • Tequila (100% agave)
  • Vodka
  • Gin
  • Whiskey
  • Rum (white, unsweetened)

Alcohols That SPIKE Blood Sugar

❌ Beer (carbs + contaminants)
❌ Hard ciders
❌ Sweet wines
❌ Flavored liquor
❌ Wine coolers
❌ Premixed cocktails

About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author known for combining humor, truth, and science to help women understand hypothyroidism, hormones, and the chaos they cause. She writes from lived experience and years of research, giving women validation and answers they rarely get in a doctor’s office.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not provide medical advice. Consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalized medical guidance.

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#BeerTruth #PFAS #CleanAlcohol #HealthRevolution #WellnessAwareness
#ThyroidHealing #HashimotosDiet #HealthyDrinking #BeerChemicals
#BigBeer #HiddenIngredients #HolisticHealth #EndocrineAwareness
#OrganicAlcohol #DetoxYourLife

Millionaires Needed an Invitation: The Untold Rise of Pearl DeVere — The Woman Society Couldn’t Erase

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Some women arrive in history quietly.
Others arrive like Pearl DeVere—uninvited, underestimated, and unforgettable.

When she stepped off that train in Denver at just fifteen, she had nothing but a name that wasn’t even hers yet… and a spine stronger than the Rocky Mountains.

Twenty years later?
Millionaires needed an invitation and references just to walk through her front door.

And that’s not an exaggeration.
It’s historical fact.

From Eliza Martin to Pearl DeVere: Reinventing a Life Society Tried to Bury

She was born Eliza Martin in 1859 in Evansville, Indiana.
Nothing about her childhood hinted at the empire she’d eventually build.

By the time she reached Denver in 1877, she told family she was working as a milliner—
respectable hat maker by day, survivor by night.

But the West was wild, dangerous, and full of choices no teenage girl should ever have to make. With women outnumbered ten to one and “proper work” paying pennies, many young women had only these options:

  • Marry (with a dowry few had)
  • Work in dangerous factories for starvation wages
  • Become domestic workers with 18-hour days
  • Or… enter the profession polite society pretended didn’t exist

Eliza chose survival—with a plan.

Sixteen years later, she had mastered the business most women were chewed up and spit out by. She learned:

  • How to spot danger
  • How to read a man by his boots, his manners, or his lies
  • How wealth moved
  • How class wasn’t real—just an illusion money bought

And slowly, she shed Eliza Martin like an old skin.

Red hair. Fine dresses. New names.
A woman becoming someone else entirely.

1893: When America Crashed, Pearl Rose

The Silver Panic wiped out everyone—miners, bankers, businessmen.
But not Pearl.

She heard whispers of a new gold strike in a rugged place called Cripple Creek.

So she reinvented herself one last time.

Goodbye, Eliza.
Hello, Pearl DeVere.

At 31 years old, she arrived not as a worker…

… but as a boss.

The Rise of The Old Homestead — Colorado’s Most Exclusive Establishment

Pearl didn’t run a brothel.
She ran a luxury empire before luxury had a name.

Her house featured:

  • Imported Paris wallpaper
  • Crystal chandeliers
  • A telephone (rare in the 1890s)
  • Two bathrooms with running water
  • Private bedrooms for every woman
  • A chef, chambermaids, butlers, a musician

And strict rules:

  • Monthly medical exams
  • Financial screening for clients
  • References required
  • No low-budget customers allowed

If you weren’t wealthy, clean, respectable, and recommended?

You weren’t even allowed to knock.

Pearl turned shame into sophistication.
Sex work into business strategy.
Survival into power.

A Fire Tried to Ruin Her — She Built Something Better

In 1895, a massive fire destroyed Cripple Creek.

Her brothel burned.
Her new husband’s mill burned.
Their money? Gone.

Her husband fled to Mexico to work.
Pearl stayed and rebuilt—with borrowed money and sheer willpower.

In 1896, she reopened with something grander:

✨ The Old Homestead
The most luxurious establishment in the Colorado gold belt.

Ask any historian today—nothing like it existed anywhere in the West.

June 5, 1897: The Night the Town Wept

After one of her lavish parties—champagne, caviar, silk gowns—Pearl went upstairs, exhausted.

Morphine was common at the time for sleep.
She took too much.

She died in her bed wearing the $1,000 chiffon ball gown gifted to her by a wealthy admirer.

Her sister arrived from Chicago and, upon learning the truth, fled in shame.

But Cripple Creek?
They honored her.

A full procession.
A band.
Mounted police.
Miners, businessmen, and the women society shunned.
Buried in the gown she died in—because the man who gifted it sent $1,000 with the note:

“Bury her in it.”

Pearl DeVere became the only known prostitute allowed burial in Mt. Pisgah Cemetery.

Society hated her.
History remembers her.
Cripple Creek honored her.

Because she was magnificent.

What Her Life Really Means

Pearl wasn’t a cautionary tale.
She was a blueprint.

She proved:

  • A girl with no options can build an empire
  • A woman society shames can become a legend
  • Reinvention is power
  • Survival is brilliance
  • Class isn’t real—only courage is

Her rivals are forgotten.
Her name is a landmark.

**Want to Taste 1890s Cripple Creek Life?

Here Are Two Authentic Recipes Pearl Might’ve Served at Her Parties**

These foods were common among wealthy Westerners in the 1890s.

🥂 1. Victorian Champagne Punch (1890s Style)

Ingredients:

  • 1 bottle champagne
  • 1 cup sweet white wine
  • ½ cup brandy
  • ½ cup sugar
  • Sliced oranges & lemons
  • Ice

Instructions:
Mix liquids. Add fruit slices. Pour over ice. Serve in a velvet-draped parlor with scandalous laughter.

🍽 2. 1890s Rocky Mountain Trout with Brown Butter

Ingredients:

  • Fresh trout
  • Salt & pepper
  • Flour for dredging
  • 4 tbsp butter
  • Lemon slices

Instructions:
Season trout, dredge lightly in flour, pan-fry in butter until golden.
Add lemon. Serve to the men who thought they could buy everything—including Pearl.

References & Historical Sources

(For readers who want to dig deeper)

  • Cripple Creek District Museum Archives
  • Mt. Pisgah Cemetery Records, Teller County, CO
  • Colorado Women’s Hall of Fame Historical Notes
  • “Brothels of the Wild West,” American West Journal
  • Library of Congress: Western Expansion Collections
  • “The Old Homestead House Museum,” Cripple Creek Historical Society

Disclaimer

This blog is for educational and storytelling purposes only.
Historical details are drawn from published archives and public domain sources.
Creative narrative elements have been added for engagement.

About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 published titles—from women’s empowerment to supernatural fiction to historical deep-dives. She blends humor, grit, healing, and raw truth in every book, helping women reclaim their power one story at a time.

Her mission:
Help women heal from the inside out—mind, body, thyroid, hormones, and soul.

Books by A.L. Childers

✨ The Hidden Empire: A Journey Through Millennia of Oligarchic Rule
✨ Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes
✨ Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan
✨ Archons: Unveiling the Parasitic Entities Shaping Human Thoughts
✨ The Girl in the Mirror Is Thirteen Again
✨ A Woman’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s
✨ Nightmare Legends: Monsters and Dark Tales of the Appalachian Region

…and over a hundred others available on Amazon.

Pearl DeVere, Cripple Creek history, women of the Wild West, Old Homestead brothel, Colorado gold rush, legendary madams of the West, Victorian Denver history, 1890s women entrepreneurs, Western frontier women, historical female business owners, Old West scandals, Colorado historic figures

#PearlDeVere #CrippleCreekHistory #WomenOfTheWest #WildWestStories #HistoricalWomen #ColoradoHistory #VictorianEra #WomenWhoRebuiltTheWorld #ALChilders #HistoryBlog #EmpoweredWomen #WesternLegends

My Thyroid Is Technically ‘Normal’—So Why Am I Living Inside a Broken Furnace?”

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By A.L. Childers


A hilariously chaotic deep dive into why you can have “perfect labs” and still feel like your metabolism is running on two AA batteries. A warm, sarcastic, empowering thyroid blog by bestselling author A.L. Childers.

Welcome back to the Hypothyroid Circus. Part 2.

If you’re reading this, it means one of the following is true:

  1. Your thyroid labs came back “normal,” but you still feel like you’ve been hit by a tranquilizer dart.
  2. You’ve gained three pounds from breathing near a waffle.
  3. You’re exhausted, puffy, irritable, and confused — but your doctor says you’re “fine.”
  4. You needed answers… or validation… or chaos… and here you are.

Either way:
Sit down. Hydrate. Breathe. I’ve got you.

I’m A.L. Childers — your thyroid guide, your hormonal hype-woman, and the unofficial spokesperson for “Why Am I Like This?” Syndrome.

Let’s begin.

Your Labs Are Normal Because the System Is Not Built for Women

The medical establishment still treats hypothyroidism like it’s 1958.

Back when:

  • doctors smoked in your exam room
  • Women were called “hysterical”
  • and TSH was considered the holy grail

Meanwhile, your body is performing an entire opera of symptoms:

  • heart palpitations
  • insomnia
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • cold hands
  • weight gain
  • constipation
  • hair loss
  • brain fog so thick you forget your own ZIP code

But medical professionals look you dead in the face and say:
“Your TSH is in range.”

Great.
Wonderful.
Glorious.

Can someone tell that to my metabolism, who left the chat?

Your Thyroid Isn’t Slow. It’s Held Hostage.

Hypothyroidism isn’t laziness. It’s not age. It’s not “just hormones.”

It is:

  • cellular stress
  • inflammation
  • endocrine miscommunication
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • cortisol sabotage
  • insulin drama
  • estrogen chaos
  • gut rebellion

Your thyroid doesn’t wake up one day and decide,
“You know what? I think I’ll just shut the whole system down for fun.”

It’s overwhelmed.
Like you.
Like every woman carrying a household, a job, a family, and her sanity in an old Dollar Tree tote bag.

Why You Still Can’t Lose Weight: The Sequel (aka “The Hormones Strike Back”)

Let’s review the hormonal cast of characters currently ruining your life:

Cortisol
Likes to release fat-storing signals while you’re:

  • lying still
  • minding your business
  • trying to heal
  • sleeping
  • watching TV
  • or doing absolutely nothing

Insulin
Stores fat.
Aggressively.
With enthusiasm.
She’s the Oprah of body fat:
“YOU get a fat cell! And YOU get a fat cell!”

Estrogen
Will sometimes help metabolism…
Sometimes ruin your entire existence.
It depends on her mood.

Progesterone
Missing.
Last seen in 2016.

Leptin
Meant to regulate appetite but got a new job ghosting you instead.

Reverse T3
The petty one.
Blocks your thyroid hormones like it’s guarding the club VIP section.

Together, they form the hormonal Avengers — but instead of saving the world, they’re stealing your energy, metabolism, and patience.

Your Doctor Thinks It’s Calories. Your Body Thinks It’s Survival Mode.

If one more medical provider says “eat less, move more,”
Your thyroid is going to spontaneously combust.

Your body isn’t hoarding weight because you’re “lazy.”
It’s storing weight because it thinks you are:

✅ cold
✅ starving
✅ stressed
✅ sick
✅ running from danger
✅ living inside a famine simulation

It’s not your fault.

Your biology is trying to save your life.

It just doesn’t understand that your biggest threat in 2025 is:

  • emails
  • toxic people
  • corporate America
  • and gluten

You’re Not Crazy — Your Hormones Are Unsupervised Toddlers

You’re forgetful?
That’s thyroid fog.

You’re emotional?
That’s hormones staging a coup.

You’re exhausted but can’t sleep?
That’s cortisol jumping on the bed.

You’re hungry after eating?
That’s leptin sending you straight to jail.

You feel swollen?
Inflammation is hosting a pool party.

None of this is in your imagination.
Your body is just currently being operated by a team of unsupervised toddlers with glitter fingers and zero remorse.

A Note to Every Woman Who Has Ever Felt Dismissed

If you’ve ever been told:

  • “You’re just tired.”
  • “You’re getting older.”
  • “Your labs are normal.”
  • “It’s anxiety.”
  • “Maybe try dieting harder.”

Let me say this clearly:

You are not dramatic.
You are not imagining it.
You are not the problem.

The problem is a broken system that refuses to treat thyroid disease with nuance, depth, updated science, or empathy.

That’s why I write the way I do — with humor, sharp edges, and unapologetic truth.

Someone has to tell women the real story.

About the Author — A.L. CHILDERS

A.L. Childers is the unapologetic voice of thyroid truth — a bestselling author, researcher, storyteller, and advocate for women who have been dismissed, gaslit, ignored, or misdiagnosed.

She is known for turning complex thyroid science into relatable, hilarious content that makes women feel seen, validated, and empowered.

Her books include:
✅ Hashimoto’s Crockpot Recipes
✅ Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan
✅ Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance
✅ A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism
✅ AND bestselling fiction + historical works under A.L. Childers

Her mission is simple:
Help women understand their bodies, reclaim their health, and stop letting outdated medicine write their story for them.

Read more at TheHypothyroidismChick.com
Support her work by exploring her books — every purchase helps her continue writing life-changing truth for women everywhere.

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#ThyroidGoddess
#HypothyroidHumor
#HormoneChaos
#ThyroidWarrior
#WomenWithThyroid
#HashimotosTruth
#ThyroidCommunity
#ALChilders

Disclaimer

This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice. Consult a healthcare professional for personalized care.

Why Your Thyroid Medication Is Working… But Your Metabolism Quit Its Job Anyway”

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By A.L. Childers


A sarcastic, painfully honest, laugh-while-you-cry look at why thyroid medication alone doesn’t magically make weight fall off. Hypothyroidism, hormones, metabolism chaos, and real solutions — told with humor, truth, and Carolina attitude.

If weight loss was as simple as ‘just take your thyroid pill,’ we’d all be out here looking like supermodels.

But if you’re a hypothyroidism patient?

You know the truth:

Your thyroid can be “in range,” “optimized,” “stable,” “fine,” and “perfect on paper”…
while your jeans still feel like they were sewn by Satan himself.

And when you tell your doctor,
“I’m gaining weight even though I’m doing everything right,”
They respond with the classic:

“Well… calories in, calories out.”

Sir.
Ma’am.
Respectfully, my hormones are not obeying the laws of physics right now.

Let’s talk about why thyroid meds don’t magically turn you into a calorie-burning dragon — even though the bottle swears it should.

And let’s do it with honesty, science, and the appropriate amount of sarcasm this topic deserves.

Your Thyroid Isn’t the Only Hormone in the Group Chat

Thyroid meds can replace the hormones your thyroid should be making.
Cool. Wonderful. Great.

But your body is not a one-hormone operation.

You’ve also got:

  • Cortisol (the “I’m stressed to the point of madness” hormone)
  • Insulin (the “store everything as fat instantly” hormone)
  • Estrogen (the drama queen)
  • Leptin (the appetite manager who is permanently on lunch break)
  • Progesterone (missing; presumed dead)

Your thyroid pill is doing its job.
The rest of your hormones?
They’re throwing a foam-party rave in your metabolism and forgot to invite your sanity.

Your Metabolism Is Running Windows 95

Hypothyroidism slows EVERYTHING down — including how fast you burn calories at rest.

Even with medication, it doesn’t instantly go back to “factory settings.”

You upgrade from:

Metabolism: Sloth Mode
to
Metabolism: Slightly Faster Sloth Mode

And if you’ve been hypothyroid for years or misdiagnosed for a decade?

Your metabolism needs more than a pill.
It needs:

  • protein
  • muscle
  • consistent meals
  • proper sleep
  • balanced cortisol
  • nourishment
  • boundaries with people who stress you into a flare

A thyroid pill cannot fix a lifetime of surviving instead of thriving.

It helps — but it’s not a wand.

Inflammation Has Entered the Chat

Inflammation in hypothyroidism =
The body is holding onto weight like it’s preparing for the Great Depression 2.0.

You can be:
✅ eating clean
✅ walking
✅ hydrating
✅ doing everything “right”

And inflammation still says:
“Actually, I’m going to keep this water weight, fat, puffiness and bloat.
For emergencies. Mind your business.”

Medication helps lower inflammation — but not if:

  • Your sleep is trash
  • Your cortisol is a circus
  • You’re under-eating
  • Your gut is inflamed
  • You’re nutrient-deficient
  • You’re stressed 23 hours a day

Thyroid meds can’t fight inflammation alone.
It takes a whole lifestyle shift — not the kind Instagram influencers pretend to do for 48 hours.

Reverse T3 Ruins Lives

RT3 = the hormone your body makes when it is:

  • stressed
  • underfed
  • inflamed
  • dealing with chronic illness
  • living in survival mode

RT3 basically grabs your thyroid hormones and says:

“Oh no, sweetie, you’re not doing anything today.”

If you’ve ever felt:

  • exhausted
  • puffy
  • foggy
  • slow
  • heavy
  • depressed
  • frozen despite meds

Congratulations — you’re familiar with RT3 sabotage.

And guess what?

Your medication can be perfect…
But if RT3 is high, you still feel hypothyroid.

Your Thyroid Medication Doesn’t Replace Self-Advocacy

Let’s be real:

Half of hypothyroid weight issues come from doctors saying:

  • “Your labs are fine.”
  • “It’s just aging.”
  • “Eat less, move more.”
  • “Your symptoms aren’t thyroid-related.”
  • “You just need a multivitamin.”
  • “Are you sure it’s not anxiety?”

Meanwhile, your body is yelling:
“HELLO? I AM DYING AND SWELLING AT THE SAME TIME.”

Medication is ONE piece of the puzzle.
Getting the RIGHT medication, RIGHT dosage, and the RIGHT labs is another puzzle entirely.

You need:

  • Free T3
  • Free T4
  • TSH
  • Reverse T3
  • Thyroid antibodies
  • Ferritin
  • Vitamin D
  • Cortisol
  • B12
  • Insulin

If your doctor only orders TSH?

You’re being treated like a thyroid from 1952.

So, Why Don’t Thyroid Meds Guarantee Weight Loss?

Because hypothyroidism is not just a thyroid disorder.

It is:

  • metabolic
  • hormonal
  • inflammatory
  • neurological
  • nutritional
  • emotional
  • stress-driven

The thyroid is the conductor.

But honey, the whole orchestra is drunk.

The Good News (Yes, There’s Good News)

Your body CAN lose weight again.
It CAN heal.
It CAN rebalance.

But you need:
✅ the right labs
✅ the right medication
✅ nourishment (not restriction)
✅ protein
✅ muscle stimulation
✅ inflammation reduction
✅ cortisol management
✅ gut support
✅ patience (ugh)

Your thyroid isn’t broken.
It’s overwhelmed.

Just like you.

About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author known for combining humor, truth, and science to help women understand hypothyroidism, hormones, and the chaos they cause. She writes from lived experience and years of research, giving women validation and answers they rarely get in a doctor’s office.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Thyroid weight loss issues, hypothyroidism blog humor, why thyroid meds don’t work, reverse T3 symptoms, cortisol hypothyroid weight gain, thyroid metabolism slow, thyroid medication problems, hypothyroid women weight gain


#ThyroidTruth
#HypothyroidHumor
#HormoneChaos
#ThyroidWarrior
#HashimotosLife
#ChronicIllnessHumor
#ThyroidJourney

Disclaimer

This blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not provide medical advice. Consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalized medical guidance.

The Stories That Built Us: How One Irish Immigrant Helped Shape a Carolina Community

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By A.L. Childers


A Southern heritage blog exploring how the journey of Irish immigrant James Dawkins helped shape a Carolina family, local traditions, and the cultural fabric of the South. A warm, nostalgic reflection by author A.L. Childers.

Some stories don’t just belong to a family — they belong to a place.

In the Carolinas, we grow up surrounded by stories.

Stories told on porches at dusk.
Stories whispered in kitchens heavy with the smell of cornbread and collards.
Stories tucked inside family Bibles, handwritten recipes, and the memories of elders who remember “the way things used to be.”

But every now and then, you uncover a story that feels bigger —
older —
heavier —
woven into the very soil beneath your feet.

That was the story of my great-great-great-grandfather, James Dawkins.

And the more I learned about him, the more I realized something simple and profound:

His journey didn’t just shape our family.
It shaped the Carolina community we call home.

The Carolinas Don’t Just Keep History — They Carry It

Here in the South, we have a way of holding onto things.

We keep:

  • recipes in the family
  • memories in the kitchen
  • stories in the air
  • pain in our bones
  • strength in our traditions

And when I discovered James’s lost journal, tucked away in an old house scheduled for demolition, it felt like the ancestors were saying:

“Here.
This belonged to you before you were born.
Carry it.”

It didn’t matter that he came from Ireland.
Or that he stepped off a coffin ship with nothing but a rosary and a dream.
Or that he arrived in America with the odds stacked against him.

He brought his history with him.
And when he reached the Carolinas, the land took it in —
and it became part of ours.

An Immigrant Story That Sounds a Lot Like a Southern One

When you strip away the borders, accents, and oceans, the Irish story looks a lot like the Southern one:

  • poverty
  • exploitation
  • landowners with too much power
  • families forced to survive on almost nothing
  • people relying on faith, food, and community to endure hardship
  • resilience that grows in the dark
  • pride born from struggle

James came from a land where the poor worked someone else’s fields.

Sound familiar?

He grew up in a place where community mattered more than possessions.

Sound familiar?

He survived on cabbage, pork scraps, beans, bread, and whatever else could stretch a meal.

Sound familiar?

By the time he made it to the Carolinas, he carried a culture that fit right into the South like it had been here all along.

He belonged here before he ever arrived.

The Community He Helped Shape

Like so many immigrants, James didn’t end up rich.

He didn’t leave behind mansions, big bank accounts, or political power.

What he left instead was much more Southern than that.

He left:

  • a reputation for hard work
  • a family line rooted in resilience
  • traditions passed down through food
  • stories whispered and half-remembered
  • faith that held people together
  • a legacy built from sacrifice

Those things matter here.

They’re how communities are formed.

And looking back, I can see his fingerprints all over the family that raised me:

In the recipes.
In the superstitions.
In the grit.
In the stubbornness.
In the warmth.
In the rituals that show up every New Year’s Day like clockwork.
In the fierce loyalty Southern families are known for.

His legacy didn’t stay in Ireland.
It didn’t stay in the attic.
It lives in every Dawkins descendant still walking Carolina soil.

What It Means to Belong to a Place

People sometimes ask me:

“How can someone who immigrated here centuries ago be part of Carolina culture?”

Because belonging doesn’t start with where you’re from.

It starts with:

  • What you survive
  • What you pass down
  • What you build
  • who you raise
  • how you live
  • What you sacrifice

James worked the land with the same reverence my grandmother cooked in her kitchen.
The same reverence Southern men have when tending a garden or smoking a hog.
The same reverence Carolina women put into every meal that feeds a family after a funeral, a birth, a hard day, or a celebration.

He lived Southern tradition before it was called Southern tradition.

Because tradition isn’t invented.
It’s remembered.

And survival is the biggest tradition of all.

Why I Wrote This Story for the Community, Not Just the Family

When I published James Dawkins: A Legacy of Survival, Sacrifice, and Southern Tradition, I wasn’t just honoring my ancestor.

I was honoring:

  • Every immigrant who reshaped a Southern town
  • Every family that built a legacy from hardship
  • Every community is tied together by stories and supper tables
  • Every person whose ancestors were forgotten by textbooks but remembered by descendants

His story belongs to history.
But it also belongs to the people.

To anyone who has ever:

  • wondered where they come from
  • felt the pull of ancestry
  • carried traditions without knowing their origin
  • felt the past in their bones

This story is for you.

Because community isn’t made by governments.

It’s made by families, by food, by grit, by the people who crossed oceans and mountains so their descendants could stand where we stand now.

About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is the sixth-generation great-great-great-granddaughter of James Dawkins and author of James Dawkins: A Legacy of Survival, Sacrifice, and Southern Tradition. She writes Southern heritage, folklore, ancestry, and personal narratives that explore how history lives inside us.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author known for blending history, storytelling, cultural commentary, and Southern heritage into unforgettable works. She has written over 200 books across historical nonfiction, health, folklore, conspiracy, women’s empowerment, and metaphysical genres.

Her writing is marked by truth, depth, humor, and courage—traits she now knows she inherited from her Irish ancestor, James Dawkins.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers.
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

James Dawkins: A Legacy of Survival, Sacrifice, and Southern Tradition

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#SouthernHeritage #CarolinaCulture #JamesDawkins #FamilyLegacy #IrishRoots #SouthernCommunity #Traditions #ALChilders


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#CommunityHeart

The Man Who Crossed an Ocean So I Could Stand Here Today: The Forgotten Story of My Great-Great-Great-Grandfather, James Dawkins

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By A.L. Childers


A.L. Childers uncovers the lost story of her great-great-great-grandfather, James Dawkins—an Irish immigrant, St. Patrick’s Battalion soldier, survivor of famine, and builder of a Southern legacy. A true tale of resilience, sacrifice, and identity that reads like a Hollywood epic.

Some people inherit money. I inherited a war story.

Not the polished, patriotic kind they teach in school.
Not the kind wrapped in museum glass.

No—what I inherited was a raw, unfinished, forgotten account of an Irish boy who fled starvation, crossed an ocean in a coffin-ship, fought in a war that didn’t belong to him, and then carved a life out of the Carolina dirt so that his descendants—including me—could exist.

His name was James Dawkins.
And until recently, he was just a whisper in my family tree.

That changed the day I opened a dusty leather journal in a South Carolina attic and realized:

This wasn’t genealogy. This was destiny.

The Discovery That Broke Me Open

I was researching Southern New Year’s superstitions for a completely different book when history decided to smack me across the face.

There it was:
A journal so old the leather cracked like dry earth.
Ink faded by time but still stubbornly alive.

The moment I read the name James Dawkins, my heart dropped.
I knew the stories—Irish immigrant, tenant farmer’s son—but nobody in my lifetime had ever mentioned:

✅ He was a survivor of the Great Irish Famine
✅ He made the Atlantic crossing in 1840 on a packed, disease-ridden ship
✅ He joined the Saint Patrick’s Battalion, a renegade Irish unit that defected during the U.S.–Mexican War
✅ He fought under the green flag Erin go Bragh for justice, he believed in
✅ He lived the kind of life Hollywood pretends to invent

The journal wasn’t just a record.
It was a testimony.
One man’s desperate attempt to make sure his life—his suffering, his choices, his convictions—would not be erased by time.

And suddenly, I realized…

His story is the reason I tell stories.
His survival is the reason I exist.

Why His Story Still Matters (And Why It Should Be a Movie)

James fled Ireland not because he wanted a better opportunity but because staying meant dying.

He left behind:

  • A starving country
  • A family who prayed he’d live long enough to reach America
  • A mother who pressed a rosary into his hand and said, “Remember who you are.”

When he arrived in America, he wasn’t welcomed.
Irish immigrants rarely were.

He was:

  • Poor
  • Catholic
  • Unwanted
  • Easy to exploit

So he joined other Irishmen who felt betrayed by the U.S. Army and fought for the Mexican people instead.

That choice—the one history textbooks skim over—was an act of moral rebellion.

Not treason.
Not cowardice.
But conviction.

And every page of his journal shows it.

His fear.
His faith.
His hunger.
His rage.
His compassion.
His stubborn will to survive.
His homesick Irish heart refusing to break.

This isn’t just family history.
This is a Southern epic, an Irish tragedy, and an American immigrant chronicle all woven together.

This is the kind of story screenwriters search for.

How It Shaped Me (More Than I Ever Realized)

When I write, people tell me my voice feels fierce, rooted, unbreakable.

Well—now I know why.

I come from:

  • ship survivors
  • farmers who worked land they’d never own
  • Irish laborers treated as disposable
  • men who fought for the oppressed
  • women who carried the weight of generations
  • families who endured when everything around them tried to take them down

I am built from resilience.
I am built from defiance.
I am built from Dawkins blood.

And suddenly my writing—my obsession with truth, justice, history, inequity, and legacy—makes perfect sense.

It’s in my lineage.

Why I’m Telling His Story Now

Because he deserves to be remembered.
Because the Saint Patrick’s Battalion deserves more than footnotes.
Because Irish-American history deserves the dignity it lost.
Because my daughters and their future children deserve to know the strength in their blood.

And because every family has a survivor like James—
someone history tried to silence.

This book is how I give him his voice back.

“As the green shores of Ireland faded into the horizon, I felt my childhood vanish with them.”

About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author known for blending history, storytelling, cultural commentary, and Southern heritage into unforgettable works. She has written over 200 books across historical nonfiction, health, folklore, conspiracy, women’s empowerment, and metaphysical genres.

Her writing is marked by truth, depth, humor, and courage—traits she now knows she inherited from her Irish ancestor, James Dawkins.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers.
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

James Dawkins: A Legacy of Survival, Sacrifice, and Southern Tradition


Irish immigration story, Saint Patrick’s Battalion, James Dawkins history, Irish-American ancestors, immigrant survival stories, Carolina heritage, Southern historical legacy, Irish famine descendants, A.L. Childers author, Irish soldier story


#IrishHistory #SaintPatricksBattalion #SouthernHeritage #AmericanImmigrantStories #FamilyLegacy #HistoricalNonfiction #IrishDiaspora #MexicanAmericanWar #ALChilders


#JamesDawkins #AncestryStories #CarolinaHistory #IrishRoots #FamineSurvivor #ImmigrantLegacy #WriterLife #AuthorSpotlight #TrueHistory

“If My Hormones Were Co-Workers, They’d All Be Fired—A Menopause Survival Guide for Women Whose Bodies Mutinied.”

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(Featuring: Chaos, Hot Flashes, Betrayal, and a Shocked Thyroid Watching It All Unfold Like a Viewer on HBO)

Let me just say it plainly:
My hormones should NOT be employed.

If they worked in an office?
HR would’ve escorted them out YEARS ago.

These are not dedicated employees.
These are feral raccoons in business casual.

And I say this as a woman who has walked the full endocrine journey:

✅ Hypothyroidism
✅ Perimenopause
✅ Menopause
✅ Whatever THIS phase is now (I call it “The Sleepy Hot Flash Era”)

Life has become one long staff meeting where no one does their job and someone keeps turning the thermostat to Hades.

Welcome to my daily hormone workplace.

Meet My Internal Staff: A Complete Disaster

1. Estrogen – The Employee Who Quit but Still Comes in Randomly to Stir Drama

Estrogen used to be reliable.
She showed up every day, on time, moisturized, productive.

Then one morning she walked into my metaphorical office like:

“I’m done. Here’s my badge.”

But does she actually leave?

No.

She pops back in once a month like:
“MISS ME??”
and then leaves again for 10 days.

She’s unstable, unpredictable, and wearing a crop top at 48.
She can’t be trusted.

2. Progesterone – The Employee on Permanent Vacation

Progesterone used to balance everything.

She was the calm one.
The stabilizer.
The “let’s not cry over spilled coffee” voice of reason.

And then perimenopause hit.

Progesterone walked in wearing sunglasses, holding a margarita, and said:
“I’m moving to Mexico.”

She visits occasionally.
Mostly to say her flight is delayed.

3. Testosterone – The Co-Worker Who Shows Up Like a Tornado

Women don’t talk about this enough.

One day I had:

  • normal patience
  • normal libido
  • normal skin
  • normal emotions

Then out of nowhere, testosterone barged in yelling:
“TIME TO BE AGGRESSIVE AND GROW CHIN HAIRS!”

Sir, calm down.

You are in the wrong cubicle.

Some days he doesn’t show up at all.
Other days he’s operating a forklift indoors for no reason.

4. Cortisol – The One Making Everything Worse

Cortisol is the co-worker who thinks EVERYTHING is urgent.

A text message?
PANIC.

The dryer buzzed?
PANIC.

Someone walked too loudly?
PANIC.

She is the drama.

Cortisol has been running around the office, setting fires and screaming into walkie-talkies since perimenopause began.

Between her and estrogen, it’s giving “Thelma & Louise drive off the cliff energy.”

5. Thyroid – The Employee Who Was Already Burnt Out Before Menopause Showed Up

My thyroid is sitting at its desk like:
“I cannot deal with these new hires.”

Hypothyroidism is already a full-time workplace tragedy.

But menopause?
Menopause walked in and said:

“Let’s make the thyroid’s job harder.”

My thyroid has not recovered since 2014.
It is in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth, clutching my labs.

How Hypothyroidism + Perimenopause + Menopause Work Together

Short answer: They don’t.
Long answer: They actively sabotage one another.

Hypothyroidism says:
“I have no energy.”

Perimenopause says:
“I have ALL the emotions.”

Menopause says:
“I have none of the emotions.”

Estrogen says:
“I’m leaving.”

Progesterone says:
“I’ve already left.”

The thyroid says:
“I wasn’t even told there was a meeting.”

And testosterone says:
“CHIN HAIR TIME!”

It’s a circus—
and I’m the ringmaster,
the clown,
AND the exhausted lady selling overpriced snacks.

The Stages of Hormone Co-Worker Collapse

Stage 1: Perimenopause – When HR Starts Losing the Files

Random periods.
Mood swings.
Night sweats.
Sadness over commercials.
Rage over spoons dropping.
Forgotten words.
Hunger that feels spiritual.

Perimenopause is basically:
“Are you okay?”
“No.”

Stage 2: Menopause – When Management Finally Gives Up

The mood swings calm down.
The chaos slows.
You start realizing:

“Oh.
This quiet… feels… suspicious.”

You’re not crazy anymore.
Just hot.
All the time.
Like you swallowed a space heater.

Your sleep?
Gone.
Your metabolism?
Fled the country.
Your patience?
On life support.

You’re calm…
but ready to fight if necessary.

Stage 3: Post-Menopause – The Enlightened Warrior Stage

This is when women become unstoppable.

Your hormones?
Gone.

Your standards?
High.

Your energy?
Selective.

Your boundaries?
Ironclad.

Your fashion?
Comfort over everything.

Your tolerance for nonsense?
ZERO.

This is the phase where women become legends.

Why My Hormones Would Be Fired

✅ They don’t show up consistently.

✅ They lie on paperwork.

✅ They make emotional decisions without consulting me.

✅ They violate the company thermostat policy constantly.

✅ They harass the thyroid.

✅ They cause workplace chaos daily.

✅ They unionized without approval.

✅ They steal my sleep.

✅ They ignore memos.

✅ And they make the rest of the office (my body) miserable.

This is grounds for immediate termination.

But HR says:
“There are no replacements.”

Great.
So I have to keep these raggedy employees until death.

Awesome.

✅ About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author writing across humor, thyroid health, women’s empowerment, political satire, metaphysics, folklore, romance, and creative fiction. She has published over 200 books and continues to write for every woman who has ever felt exhausted, misunderstood, or on fire from the inside out.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

And more available on Amazon

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

The Hidden Empire

The Forbidden Gospel of John: From Sinai to Nicaea and the Prison of Flesh

Archons: Unveiling the Parasitic Entities Shaping Human Thoughts

The Girl in the Mirror Is Thirteen Again

A Woman’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition)

Disclaimer

This blog is humor and experience-based. It is not medical advice and should not replace professional healthcare guidance. Always consult your licensed provider for medical evaluation.

A long, hilarious, sarcastic deep-dive into perimenopause, menopause, and hypothyroidism—told as if your hormones are incompetent co-workers who deserve termination. Warm tone, professional humor, SEO-packed thyroid + menopause blog by A.L. Childers.

If My Thyroid Had a Yelp Review… It Would Be 1 Star and Flagged as “Fraudulent Activity.”

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(A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice)

I have decided that if businesses can be reviewed on Yelp, so can internal organs.
Specifically, my thyroid.

Because if restaurants get held accountable for soggy fries,
then my thyroid should face judgment for wrecking my metabolism, emotions, and entire personality.

So here it is.

My official thyroid Yelp review.

Spoiler: It’s not glowing.

⭐ 1 Star. Do Not Recommend.

Reviewed by: A very tired woman
Service Provided: Metabolism, mood regulation, hair retention, life force
Status: Closed for renovation since 2007

The Review:

I would give zero stars if possible.

I arrived at my body expecting normal endocrine service.
Simple things. Nothing dramatic.

  • Basic energy
  • Basic metabolism
  • Basic emotional stability
  • A functioning thermostat

Instead, I received:

  • Constant fatigue
  • A metabolism moving at sloth speed
  • Emotional whiplash
  • Random swelling
  • Hair shedding like a husky in July
  • Dry skin that could sand a table

This place is a scam.

⭐ Cleanliness: 1/5

Why does my thyroid feel like it’s filled with dust, betrayal, and 12 unhealed childhood traumas?

I didn’t order this.

⭐ Wait Time: 0/5

It takes six to nine months to get a diagnosis because doctors assume your fatigue is “laziness,” “stress,” or “being a woman.”

Great.
Love that for us.

The wait time for feeling normal again?
Approximately 3–5 business years.

⭐ Customer Service: -4/5

I have called multiple times.
My thyroid does not answer.

It ghosts me constantly.

When it does respond, it says things like:

“Maybe take a nap?”

“Have you tried eating better?”

“Let’s shut down your metabolism for fun.”

This is harassment.

⭐ Food Quality: 1/5

Apparently everything I eat is now stored forever.
I had one pretzel five days ago and I’m still bloated.

My thyroid must be running a “zero digestion, all storage” operation.

Is anyone regulating this establishment?

⭐ Atmosphere: 1/5

The vibes are rancid.

Inside my body it feels like:

  • A haunted house
  • A broken vending machine
  • A Walmart at 2 AM
  • The week before Mercury retrograde

Disappointing ambiance overall.

⭐ Staff: 2/5

The supporting employees (adrenals, pituitary gland, nervous system) seem exhausted from overcompensating.

Honestly, they deserve a raise.

Meanwhile my thyroid sits in the back room on break.

⭐ Menu Options:

What I want to order:

  • Energy
  • Good mood
  • Clear thoughts
  • Weight loss
  • Thick hair
  • Normal body temperature

What I receive:

  • Tired
  • Cold
  • Sad
  • Confused
  • Bloated
  • Balding

This is false advertising.

⭐ Pricing: 10/5

This is the most expensive broken organ I’ve ever owned.

It costs:

  • Thousands in supplements
  • Hundreds in tests
  • Therapy
  • Two missed appointments
  • A personality shift
  • A social life
  • My will to live

Zero coupons.
Zero loyalty points.

⭐ Would I Return?

I don’t have a choice.

What Hypothyroidism Would Say in Response (If It Responded at All)

“Hi, thanks for your feedback!
We’re sorry you feel this way.

We are currently experiencing high call volume due to chronic inflammation and the universe being rude.

Your suffering is important to us.

Please allow 6 to 12 months for symptom improvement.
Have you tried yoga?”

Absolutely not.
I am boycotting this business.

Additional Reviews From Other Organs

Adrenal Glands:
“Management refuses to hire more staff. We are overwhelmed. SOS.”

Pituitary Gland:
“I just work here.”

Immune System:
“We got carried away. Sorry.”

Hair Follicles:
“Her? We quit.”

Final Verdict:

My thyroid is the worst employee I’ve ever hired.
It has:

  • Poor performance
  • No accountability
  • A history of misconduct
  • Zero work ethic
  • Frequent absences
  • And keeps sending emotional HR complaints

But like every tired woman with hypothyroidism…
I’ll continue dragging myself through life,
supplements in one hand,
caffeine in the other,
praying this useless gland decides to clock in again someday.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is humor based on lived experiences and research. It is not medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.


A long, brutally funny, painfully accurate sarcastic blog where hypothyroidism is reviewed like a terrible business on Yelp. Dark humor, women’s health truth bombs, and thyroid comedy by A.L. Childers.