Tag Archives: hypothyroidism humor

A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back

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(Because one betrayal wasn’t dramatic enough.)

If you’re reading this, congratulations.

You’ve survived another round of thyroid foolishness.

Your gland has betrayed you once,
possibly twice,
and for many of us—
it’s now working on betrayal attempt number 37.

Welcome to the sequel.

This is basically “The Empire Strikes Back,”
except instead of Darth Vader,
you’re battling a marshmallow-sized body part
that can’t decide whether it wants to:

  • keep you awake until 3 AM
  • put you in a coma at 3 PM
  • make you hot
  • make you cold
  • make you cry
  • make you homicidal
  • or make you eat three bags of popcorn in silence while contemplating the meaning of life

Hypothyroidism is not a condition. It’s a lifestyle the thyroid chooses for you.

And just like any good sequel,
things escalate.

Symptoms get bolder.
Mood swings get spicier.
Fatigue becomes a personality trait.
Hair shedding becomes a hobby.

And your thyroid?
Oh, your thyroid is sitting inside your neck
like a disgruntled employee
who showed up to work
specifically to do nothing.

My thyroid in the sequel:
“I’m ready to underperform with consistency.”

The betrayal hits different the second time around.

First time, you’re shocked.

Second time?

You’re annoyed.
You’re seasoned.
You’re emotionally prepared.
You’ve memorized your lab ranges like Bible verses.
You start speaking fluent Endocrinology.

You walk into your doctor’s office like:
“Hi. I’m here for my annual gaslighting.”

Your doctor reviews your labs and says,
“Everything looks normal.”

And you say,
“Actually, Dr. Patterson, I haven’t felt normal since Obama’s first term.”

The sequel includes brand-new side quests.

In part one, the symptoms were subtle.

In part two?
You unlock the expansion pack.

✅ New Symptoms:

  • Random body swelling
  • Phantom sadness
  • Feeling 89 years old at age 45
  • Heart palpitations for no reason
  • 23 different food intolerances
  • Sleeping 8 hours and waking up exhausted anyway
  • Brain fog that makes you forget what you forgot
  • And of course—
    the weight gain that arrives even when you’re fasting, praying, and eating like a monk

Your thyroid sees you trying.
Your thyroid laughs.

The hormones get petty in the sequel.

Your estrogen says, “Let’s be dramatic.”
Your cortisol says, “Let’s panic.”
Your progesterone says, “I’m going on break.”
Your thyroid says, “I never returned from the last one.”

All four of them together?
A chaotic girl band.
No harmony.
No unity.
No rhythm.
Just vibes.

You become a master detective.

With hypothyroidism part two, you develop skills.

You can now:

  • Diagnose yourself using intuition and Google
  • Identify fatigue from 100 feet away
  • Predict weather based on your swelling
  • Sense when your medication dose is off
  • Cry in your car with Olympic-level form
  • Find gluten hiding anywhere
  • Smell fake friends and low iron instantly

You’re basically the Nancy Drew of Hormonal Dysfunction.

And yet—you’re stronger now.

Despite the sequel’s chaos,
you’ve adapted.

You’re resilient.
You’re hilarious.
You’re intuitive.
You’re spiritually upgraded.
You’re one meltdown away from enlightenment.

Because women with hypothyroidism?

We evolve like Pokémon.

Slower, yes.
Tired, yes.
Hungry, always.
But wiser.

The truth is… you survived both betrayals.

And you’re still here:

  • Holding your supplements like sacred relics
  • Drinking water like it’s a full-time job
  • Googling symptoms like a scholar
  • Advocating for yourself like a warrior
  • Laughing through the exhaustion like a champion

And that’s why the sequel had to be written.

You deserve applause.
A trophy.
A stipend.
A break.
A functioning metabolism.
At least one of those things.

Preferably the last one.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is humorous and experience-based. It is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your licensed healthcare provider for personal health concerns.

“A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back.”


A long, sarcastic, warm-toned comedic blog about life with hypothyroidism—the sequel no one asked for but every thyroid warrior desperately needs. Written by A.L. Childers.


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#Hypothyroidism #Hashimotos #ThyroidHumor #ChronicIllnessComedy #ThyroidProblems #ALChilders

Is It My Thyroid or Is the Universe Just Messy?

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A Spiritual Roast for Women Who Are Tired in Every Dimension

There comes a point in every woman’s life—usually around the third cup of coffee, second mental breakdown, and the fifteenth “Mom, where is my ____?”—where she stops and wonders:

“Is my thyroid sabotaging me… or is the universe simply unhinged?”

Because honestly, the symptoms overlap WAY too much.

If you Google “signs of hypothyroidism” and “symptoms of spiritual awakening,” you’d think WebMD and a crystal shop teamed up to produce the world’s most confusing scavenger hunt.

Fatigue?
Check for both.

Anxiety?
Check.

Heightened intuition?
Yep.

Mood swings, insomnia, sensitivity to energy, sudden weight shifts, and the desire to avoid humans forever?
Double check.

At this point, the universe and my thyroid need to get in a group chat and coordinate their attacks, because doing them both at once is rude.

Modern Life Has Entered the ‘I’m Too Tired to Ascend Right Now’ Era

Every other TikTok spiritual influencer tells you:

“You’re not tired, you’re upgrading.”

Ma’am.
I am not “upgrading.”
I am downgrading into a salted slug with anxiety.

If this is ascension, why do I need a nap every 17 minutes?
Why am I moving like a broken animatronic at Chuck E. Cheese?

And don’t tell me it’s divine energy.
It’s not divine.
It’s Hashi-tosis, where your thyroid sees your life and simply says:

“No.”

Doctors Are Still Telling Women the Same Thing They Told Us in 1983

We show up, freezing, swollen, exhausted, irritable, half-alive, half-psychic, and the doctor says:

“Your labs are normal.”

Oh are they?
Then why do I feel like my body is buffering?

Why do I walk into a room and immediately sense every argument, mood shift, emotional wound, and unresolved family trauma from the past 40 years?

Why am I sweating and shivering at the SAME TIME?

Why does my brain feel like it’s opening 27 spiritual tabs at once?

Why does my intuition suddenly know when a stranger is lying about recycling?

But sure.
“Normal.”

Hypothyroidism Is Basically Your Body’s Version of ‘Low Power Mode’

You know how your phone acts when it hits 1%?

  • Screen dims
  • Everything slows
  • Apps start glitching
  • It overheats
  • It stops cooperating
  • You scream at it like it’s a sentient being

Congratulations.
You and your iPhone now have the same personality.

But here’s the plot twist:

Women in thyroid slow-down mode begin noticing EVERYTHING.
It’s involuntary psychic training.

  • You sense bad vibes
  • You predict arguments
  • You feel lies before they’re spoken
  • You know who drained the bank account
  • You can tell who’s cheating before the side chick realizes she’s the side chick

Hypothyroidism turns women into exhausted clairvoyants with no energy to explain how they know things.

Meanwhile, Spiritual TikTok Is Telling Women Their Symptoms Are Ascension Codes

Listen.
I love spirituality.
I love chakras, crystals, manifestations, sage bundles, moon water, and the occasional “I’m cleansing my aura” walk.

But some influencers are doing the MOST.

They’ll say:

“You’re not cold; you’re shedding density.”

No, babe.
I’m cold because my thyroid is running at 40% battery and my circulation is on strike.

“You’re not tired; you’re integrating cosmic downloads.”

No, I’m tired because I’m iron-low, sleep-deprived, and one argument away from relocating to a cabin in the woods.

“You’re not gaining weight; you’re anchoring higher vibrations.”

No.
I’m anchoring late-night snacks and a metabolism that’s slower than a DMV employee at 4:59 PM.

So Which Is It? Thyroid or Universe?

Fine.
Let’s break it down.

If it’s your thyroid, you’ll feel:

  • exhausted
  • cold
  • foggy
  • swollen
  • moody
  • bloated
  • overstimulated
  • physically overwhelmed
  • more psychic than usual
  • like you want to cry for no reason

If it’s a spiritual awakening, you’ll feel:

  • tired
  • sensitive
  • intuitive
  • emotional
  • overwhelmed
  • aware
  • spiritually raw
  • like you’re shedding who you used to be
  • congested in the throat chakra
  • like every person on earth is suddenly irritating

Notice anything?
THEY’RE THE SAME LIST.

It’s a biological scam.
A spiritual scam.
A cosmic scam.
A metaphysical 2-for-1 deal you didn’t ask for.

Here’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud:

Sometimes you ARE awakening.
Sometimes your body IS evolving.
Sometimes your intuition IS strengthening.

And sometimes…

you just need your thyroid treated.

It’s not glamorous, but it’s real.

Spirituality and health are not enemies.
They’re roommates.
And sometimes they fight over the thermostat.

You’re not losing your mind.
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing spiritually.

You’re just a woman in 2025—
and that alone is a full-time supernatural experience.

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#ThyroidHealth #SpiritualAwakening #MetaphysicalHumor #WomensHealth #Hashimotos #Hypothyroidism #AwakeningJourney #ALChilders

A.L. Childers (Audrey Childers) is a nationally emerging author known for blending humor, truth, social commentary, history, health, and metaphysics into powerful, unforgettable writing. With over 200 published books, she explores everything from government corruption to women’s empowerment, spiritual protection, thyroid health, Appalachian folklore, and the hidden mechanics of power.
Her work can be found on Amazon, TheHypothyroidismChick.com, and across social platforms where readers follow her for honesty, insight, and real-world wisdom.

A.L. Childers is the author of over 200 books spanning investigative nonfiction, history, spirituality, political analysis, women’s empowerment, and social commentary. Her writing blends deep research with lived experience, often exploring the systems that shape—and limit—ordinary lives.

Her bestselling titles include:

If you enjoyed this piece, explore Audrey’s books and blog for deeper dives into power, policy, and the people caught in between.

✅ Disclaimer:

This blog includes humor, metaphysical commentary, and personal opinion. It is not medical advice. Always consult a healthcare professional regarding thyroid health.