Tag Archives: laughing at internet comments

Should Marriage Licenses Expire Every 5 Years? A Funny Thought… Backed by Real Stats

Leave a reply

Every so often, a comment pops up on social media that’s so funny and so thought-provoking, it deserves its own blog post.

Recently, someone wrote:

“A marriage license should expire every 5 years so you can decide if you even wanna renew it or not.”

😂 Now, after being married for 30 years and raising three kids, I’ve earned the right to laugh and weigh in.

Because honestly… this idea is kind of brilliant — and backed by more reality than you’d think.

📊 Marriage Renewal Cycles: The DMV Meets Netflix

Let’s be real. We renew:

  • Our driver’s licenses every few years 🚗
  • Our Netflix subscriptions monthly 🍿
  • Our car insurance yearly 🚘
  • Our iPhone updates about every 12 seconds 📱

But marriage? We sign one contract in our 20s, with no upgrades, no new terms, no renegotiation — and then hope it still works 30 years later. 😅

According to the CDC’s National Vital Statistics Reports, about 43% of first marriages end within 15 years. And per the U.S. Census Bureau, the median duration of a marriage in the U.S. is 19.8 years.

Meanwhile, psychologists have identified major “relationship satisfaction shifts” at roughly the 7-year, 20-year, and 30-year marks. (Think of them as the “major OS updates” in a long-term relationship.)

👉 So yeah, a 5-year renewal system might not be the worst idea. It would be like:

“✅ Your marriage is set to expire on March 12. Would you like to renew for another 5 seasons or let this series gracefully end?”
🤣

📝 The Real Talk Beneath the Humor

While this idea is funny, it also highlights something serious: relationships do evolve, and the people inside them do change.

A structured “check-in” — whether legal or emotional — could give couples space to reflect, grow, or even amicably part ways, instead of waiting until something breaks beyond repair.

It’s not about replacing commitment with casualness. It’s about updating the contract to reflect reality — something businesses, software, and governments do all the time.

⚠️ Disclaimer

This blog is written with humor and social commentary in mind. It’s not legal advice, relationship therapy, or an official policy recommendation. Statistics and references are provided for context and accuracy. If you’re navigating relationship challenges, please consult a qualified professional or counselor.

📚 References & Resources

  • CDC National Vital Statistics Reports: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/
  • U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey — Marriage Duration Data: https://www.census.gov
  • Journal of Marriage and Family — Relationship satisfaction timelines and “seven-year itch” research
  • Pew Research Center — Marriage trends and divorce rates over time

✍️ About the Author

Audrey Childers is a writer, researcher, and storyteller who loves mixing humor with hard truths. With decades of lived experience, a sharp investigative mind, and a soft spot for a good meme, she explores the intersections of history, society, and human behavior. When she’s not writing, you’ll probably find her sipping coffee, laughing at internet comments, or questioning why we renew car tags more often than we check in on our relationships.