Tag Archives: #nutrition

5 Natural Remedies for Vaginal Dryness, Odor & Hormonal Imbalance

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Vaginal dryness, odor, itching, or hormonal imbalance are more common than women realize—especially with hypothyroidism, stress, or perimenopause. Here are five natural remedies that actually work.


Women whisper about their symptoms.
Doctors dismiss them.
Google scares them.
And society acts like anything involving a vagina should be either sexy or silent.

But here’s the truth:

Your vagina is not supposed to be dry, irritated, painful, or smelly.
And when it is — your BODY is talking to you.

Not shaming you.
Not betraying you.
TALKING to you.

Especially if you’re struggling with:

  • hypothyroidism
  • Hashimoto’s
  • hormone imbalance
  • perimenopause
  • high stress
  • birth control side effects
  • gut issues
  • poor detox

Your vagina is one of the first places symptoms show up.

So let’s talk about it with honesty, compassion, and real solutions.

🔥 WHY THIS HAPPENS (And Why It’s NOT Your Fault)

Most women who deal with dryness, odor, irritation, or discharge have at least one of these root causes:

✔ Low estrogen

This happens with:

  • thyroid issues
  • perimenopause
  • menopause
  • stress
  • undereating
  • too much cardio
  • birth control

Estrogen = lubrication.

Low estrogen = dryness + burning + painful sex.

✔ Gut imbalance

Your vagina and gut share bacteria.
So if your gut is inflamed → your vagina is too.

This causes:

  • odor
  • discharge
  • yeast infections
  • BV

✔ Hormonal imbalance

If your hormones aren’t communicating right, your vaginal pH goes wild.

✔ Thyroid dysfunction

YES — your thyroid controls:

  • vaginal tissue hydration
  • lubrication
  • elasticity
  • pH balance

Women with hypothyroidism experience dryness even in their 20s and 30s.

✔ Stress

Cortisol kills lubrication.
Fast.

**🔥 5 Natural Remedies That Actually WORK

(And are safe, gentle, and effective)**

✨ 1. The Aloe Vera Hydration Method

Aloe is one of the most powerful, gentle hydration tools for vaginal tissue.

Use:

  • 100% pure aloe gel (no alcohol, no fragrance)

Apply a small amount externally OR use a tiny amount internally with a clean finger.

Benefits:

  • restores moisture
  • reduces burning
  • calms irritation
  • helps pH balance

Women notice results in 2–4 days.

✨ 2. Probiotics — But NOT the Ones You Think

Most women think yogurt or random probiotics fix everything.
But vaginal balance requires specific strains:

Look for:

  • Lactobacillus rhamnosus
  • Lactobacillus reuteri

These strains rebuild vaginal flora.

They help with:

  • BV
  • odor
  • yeast
  • dryness from inflammation

Your gut and vagina are SISTERS.
Heal the gut → the vagina follows.

✨ 3. The Coconut Oil Barrier Trick

Coconut oil is antifungal, antibacterial, and soothing.

Use this:

  • as a lubricant
  • before showering
  • before sex
  • before swimming
  • at night for hydration

Perfect for:

  • dryness
  • inflammation
  • mild odor
  • tissue irritation
  • rubbing/chafing

Don’t use with latex condoms — oil breaks them down.

✨ 4. Castor Oil Warm Compress (YES, FOR REAL)

Castor oil increases:

  • pelvic circulation
  • lymphatic drainage
  • tissue elasticity
  • hormone flow

Instructions:

  1. Warm a tablespoon of castor oil (not hot).
  2. Massage gently across the lower pelvis.
  3. Place a warm towel over the area for 10 minutes.

This can:

  • increase lubrication
  • reduce pelvic tension
  • help hormonal dryness
  • calm vaginal inflammation

Castor oil is a miracle worker.

✨ 5. Fix the ROOT: Support Your Hormones & Thyroid

Read that again.

Dryness, odor, and irritation don’t come from “bad hygiene.”
They come from:

  • low estrogen
  • low thyroid
  • unhealthy gut
  • adrenal burnout
  • liver overload
  • stress

Women with thyroid issues MUST support hormones.

Start with:

  • eating within an hour of waking
  • magnesium glycinate
  • vitamin B6
  • zinc
  • fermented foods
  • fixing sleep
  • cutting caffeine before breakfast
  • liver support (lemons, greens, broth, ginger)
  • hydration

Your vagina is a hormone barometer.

Balance hormones → everything improves.

🔥 WHEN TO SEE A DOCTOR (For Safety)

See a provider if you have:

  • sharp pelvic pain
  • fever
  • post-menopause bleeding
  • foul odor with severe itching
  • pain with urination
  • bleeding after sex
  • persistent pain

Your health matters.
You deserve answers — not judgment.

✨ Books That Help With Hormones, Thyroid & Women’s Health

Everything I write is FOR WOMEN.
Your body, your hormones, your healing.

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

 Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism

Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance

The Lies We Loved : How Advertising Invented America

The Hidden Empire

Nightmare Legends
The Girl the Darkness Raised: A Memoir of Scarcity, Survival, and Becoming

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026)

Whispers in the Wires

These books change lives because they changed mine.

✨ Disclaimer

This blog is for educational and informational purposes only and not medical advice. Always consult a healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A bestselling author and women’s health writer, A.L. Childers blends research, storytelling, and lived experience to help women heal their hormones, thyroid, and bodies naturally. Her work reaches thousands of women across the world through her books and her blog at TheHypothyroidismChick.com.

Your Period Is Trying to Tell You Something

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(Especially If You’re Hypothyroid)
By A.L. Childers


If your period has changed, worsened, become painful, irregular, heavy, or unpredictable, your thyroid may be sending you warnings. Learn the signs, root causes, and how to restore hormonal balance naturally.


Your period is not just a period.

It’s a report card from your body.

Women are raised to believe their period is just an inconvenience.
Something to hide.
Something to push through.
Something to medicate, silence, or shame.

But your menstrual cycle is your fifth vital sign.
Just as important as pulse, temperature, or blood pressure.

And when your thyroid is struggling?
Your period is the first thing to warn you.

Your period is trying to tell you something.

🔥 What Your Period Says About Your Thyroid

Most women don’t realize this, but your thyroid controls:

  • ovulation
  • progesterone production
  • estrogen clearance
  • PMS intensity
  • clotting
  • cramping
  • cycle length
  • breast tenderness
  • mood swings

So when your thyroid slows down… so does EVERYTHING.

Here’s what your period might be saying:

🔥 1. “Your thyroid is low.” — Heavy or Clotty Periods

If your period feels like:

  • flooding
  • clotting
  • changing pads hourly
  • losing large amounts of blood

That’s a classic sign of:
low thyroid + low progesterone + high estrogen.

Your body is not supposed to bleed like that.

🔥 2. “Your ovulation is off.” — Long Cycles (35–60 days)

Hypothyroidism can delay ovulation.
Delayed ovulation = delayed period.

It’s not irregular.
It’s slow.

Just like everything else in hypothyroidism.

🔥 3. “Your stress hormones are too high.” — Short Cycles (21–25 days)

This is adrenal burnout mixed with thyroid dysfunction.

Your body is saying:
“I don’t feel safe to carry a pregnancy, so I’m cycling faster.”

Women with thyroid issues see this constantly.

🔥 4. “Your hormones are imbalanced.” — Missing Periods

Amenorrhea is not just:

  • stress
  • age
  • randomness

It’s often:

  • low thyroid
  • low progesterone
  • high cortisol
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • long-term inflammation

Your body is conserving energy.

🔥 5. “Your liver is overwhelmed.” — Bad PMS

Your liver clears used hormones.
If it’s slacking?

You will feel EVERYTHING:

  • rage
  • crying spells
  • breast pain
  • water retention
  • bloating
  • insomnia
  • migraines
  • cravings

Sound familiar?

🔥 6. “Your body needs support.” — Extreme Fatigue Before or During Period

Women with thyroid issues crash HARD the week before their cycle.

Your body is doing double work:

  • hormonal shifts
  • low thyroid function

This leaves you tired, foggy, and heavy.

🔥 So How Do You Support Your Period (and Thyroid)?

Here are the 6 proven steps that work FAST:

✨ 1. Eat More REAL Carbs

Your hormones NEED:

  • sweet potatoes
  • berries
  • apples
  • carrots
  • oatmeal
  • lentils

Low-carb diets RUIN women’s hormones.

✨ 2. Fix Your Magnesium Levels

If your period is painful → you’re magnesium deficient.

Try:

  • magnesium glycinate
  • magnesium spray
  • Epsom salt baths

✨ 3. Support Liver Detox

Your liver clears estrogen.

Do this:

  • lemon water
  • fermented foods
  • reduce dairy
  • eat cruciferous veggies (COOKED)
  • drink more water

✨ 4. Increase Progesterone Naturally

Progesterone is the calm, soothing, stabilizing hormone.

Boost it with:

  • vitamin B6
  • zinc
  • healthy fats
  • lowering cortisol
  • eating before caffeine

✨ 5. Reduce Stress (your hormones FEEL everything)

Try:

  • walking after meals
  • grounding
  • deep breathing
  • journaling
  • choosing peace on purpose

✨ 6. Fix Your Thyroid Numbers

Your period won’t regulate until your thyroid does.

Look at:

  • TSH
  • Free T3
  • Free T4
  • Reverse T3
  • TPO antibodies

Your hormone healing starts with thyroid healing.

✨ Want More Women’s Hormone Support?

It’s why I write the books I write — to help women FIX their bodies, not fight them.

Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism

Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance

Everything I create is for women like you — women who deserve answers.

✨ Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and not medical advice. Always discuss health decisions with your provider.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A bestselling author, researcher, and women’s health advocate. After years of autoimmune illness, trauma, and misdiagnosis, she healed naturally—and now dedicates her life to helping other women reclaim their health, hormones, and power.

The Lymphatic System: The Hidden Blockage Keeping You Sick, Tired, and Puffy

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Feeling tired, swollen, bloated, puffy, or chronically sick? Your lymphatic system may be blocked. Learn the signs, causes, and simple daily habits that support lymphatic drainage and natural healing.


There’s a kind of sickness nobody talks about —
not doctors, not specialists, not the people who stamp your lab work “normal” when you clearly don’t feel normal.

It’s the sickness of:

✔ waking up puffy
✔ feeling swollen in your face
✔ having “tired eyes” no matter how you sleep
✔ holding water weight for no reason
✔ being exhausted without explanation
✔ feeling heavy, foggy, or sluggish
✔ catching every cold
✔ feeling inflamed after eating
✔ gaining weight in places you never used to

If any of that hits home, there’s a reason:

Your lymphatic system is blocked.

And when the lymphatic system slows down —
your entire body starts whispering (or screaming):

“Help me.”

But don’t worry… once you understand it, you can fix it.

🔥 What Is the Lymphatic System (And Why Your Doctor Never Mentioned It)?

Your lymphatic system is the drainage system of the body.

Its job is to:

  • remove toxins
  • remove waste
  • remove excess fluid
  • support immunity
  • carry fats and nutrients
  • clean out inflammation
  • filter pathogens
  • fight infections

Think of it like plumbing.

If the pipes slow down…

💧 fluid backs up
🔥 inflammation rises
😴 fatigue increases
🥴 toxins accumulate
😣 weight gets stubborn
😑 and healing becomes impossible

A blocked lymphatic system is the real reason so many women feel puffy, swollen, tired, and inflamed.

And here’s the kicker:

The lymphatic system has no pump.
YOU must move it.

🔥 Symptoms of a Sluggish Lymphatic System

If you check more than 5 of these, this blog is about YOU:

✔ Puffy face in the morning
✔ Under-eye bags
✔ Swollen hands/feet
✔ Swollen lymph nodes
✔ Cellulite worsening
✔ Ring marks on your fingers
✔ Belly bloating
✔ Brain fog
✔ Tired all the time
✔ Ear congestion
✔ Breast tenderness
✔ Random itchy skin
✔ Acne on jawline
✔ Neck stiffness
✔ Feeling “stuck” internally
✔ Slow weight loss
✔ Feeling heavy/foggy

Women with hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s struggle with lymphatic drainage MORE than anyone else.

Why?

Because hypothyroidism slows EVERYTHING:

  • digestion
  • immunity
  • circulation
  • detox pathways
  • lymphatic flow

No one teaches this…
but once you understand it, everything makes sense.

🔥 The #1 Cause of Lymph Blockage: A Sluggish Thyroid

Your thyroid is your metabolic engine.
Your lymphatic system is your drainage system.

If the engine slows down…
so does the drainage.

And the result is the “Hypothyroid Puffy Look” that women talk about but never fully understand:

  • swollen eyes
  • tired face
  • double chin for no reason
  • soft swollen belly
  • arms that feel “full”
  • legs that feel tight or congested
  • bloating that comes out of nowhere

It’s not fat.
It’s fluid.

Your lymphatic system is begging for help.

🔥 So How Do You Unblock the Lymphatic System?

Here Are the 12 Daily Habits That FIX It**

No supplements.
No expensive detox teas.
Just real, honest, ancestral medicine.

✨ 1. Hot Water + Lemon Every Morning

The simplest lymph mover on Earth.

Warms the organs.
Flushes toxins.
Kickstarts drainage.

✨ 2. Dry Brushing (2 Minutes a Day)

Upward strokes toward the heart.
Your skin is your largest detox organ.

This reduces:

  • puffiness
  • cellulite
  • inflammation

✨ 3. Rebounding or Gentle Jumping

Literally the BEST lymphatic exercise.

Just 2 minutes = full-body drainage.

✨ 4. Walking After Meals

Movement moves lymph.
Simple as that.

This targets:

  • belly bloat
  • blood sugar
  • fluid retention

✨ 5. Manual Lymphatic Drainage Massage

You don’t need a spa.

Do this at home:

  • light pressure under ears
  • down the neck
  • across the collarbone

This drains 50% of lymph fluid.

✨ 6. Stay Hydrated (For Real)

Thick blood = stuck lymph.
Thin blood = moving lymph.

Add minerals to your water.

✨ 7. Fix Constipation

If your bowels are stuck…
your lymph will be too.

Eat:

  • berries
  • chia
  • cooked apples
  • fermented foods
  • warm soups

✨ 8. Wear Loose Clothing

Tight waistbands stop lymph flow.
Especially for women with hypothyroidism.

Let your body breathe.

✨ 9. Reduce Dairy & Gluten

Both increase mucus and inflammation, which blocks drainage.

Most women notice:

  • clearer skin
  • less puffiness
  • better digestion
    within 7–10 days.

✨ 10. Deep Belly Breathing

Your diaphragm literally pulls lymph through the body.

Do this 3–4 times a day:
4 seconds in → hold 4 → slow exhale 6

✨ 11. Castor Oil Packs

Over belly or liver.

Reduces inflammation.
Improves drainage.
Eases pain.
Supports thyroid pathways.

✨ 12. Prioritize SLEEP

No sleep = no lymph movement = inflammation city.

Protect your nights like they’re sacred.

🔥 Why Lymphatic Healing Works So Fast

Because your body WANTS to heal.
It’s not broken.
It’s blocked.

Once the lymph moves, everything improves:

  • weight
  • skin
  • energy
  • clarity
  • digestion
  • mood
  • inflammation
  • bloating
  • immunity

Your lymphatic system is the missing piece everyone ignores.

You’re not lazy.
You’re not falling apart.
You’re congested.
And you can fix it — naturally.

✨ Want Recipes That Support Lymphatic Flow & Thyroid Healing?

These books were written exactly for that:

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

 Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism

Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance

The Lies We Loved : How Advertising Invented America

The Hidden Empire

Nightmare Legends
The Girl the Darkness Raised: A Memoir of Scarcity, Survival, and Becoming

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026)

Whispers in the Wires

Every book is built on real experience, real healing, and real results.

✨ Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Always consult a healthcare provider. I am not a doctor — I am a researcher, survivor, and writer sharing the tools that saved my own life.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling author, investigative wellness researcher, and creator of TheHypothyroidismChick.com. After years of misdiagnosis and chronic illness, she reversed her symptoms using natural detox, ancestral practices, and thyroid-focused nutrition. Today she writes books, guides, and healing resources for women across the world.

The Thyroid–Adrenal War: Why You’re Exhausted Even When You Sleep

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Are you tired no matter how much you sleep? Discover how your thyroid and adrenal glands are secretly fighting each other — and how to finally restore your energy.


There is a special kind of exhaustion that only thyroid warriors understand.

Not “I didn’t sleep well.”
Not “I’m a little tired.”
But a bone-deep, soul-draining weariness that feels like you’re walking through wet cement with bricks tied to your ankles.

You sleep 8 hours.
You wake up tired.
You nap.
You’re still tired.
You drink coffee.
You’re tired AND anxious.

It feels unfair.
It feels unexplained.
It feels humiliating when others don’t get it.

But there is an explanation —
and no, it’s not your age, your laziness, or your imagination.

It’s the Thyroid–Adrenal War.

And once you understand this war, you can finally win it.

Let’s break it down like two characters in your body fighting behind the scenes:

🔥 Meet Soldier #1: Your Thyroid (Your Metabolism Queen)

She’s responsible for:

  • Your energy
  • Your weight
  • Your mood
  • Your temperature
  • Your hair
  • Your digestion

When she slows down, EVERYTHING slows down.

Now imagine she’s exhausted…
trying to scream for help…
but nobody listens.

That’s hypothyroidism.

🔥 Meet Soldier #2: Your Adrenals (Your Stress Generals)

These two tiny glands pump out:

  • Cortisol
  • Adrenaline
  • DHEA

Your adrenals are your life force —
they control your ability to wake up, handle stress, and function during the day.

But here’s the twist:

When your thyroid slows down…
your adrenals step in and overwork themselves to death trying to compensate.

This creates a hormonal disaster.

🔥 The Thyroid–Adrenal War Looks Like This:

1. Thyroid slows down → metabolism drops

Your adrenals panic and pump out cortisol, trying to give you energy.

2. High cortisol → inflammation, anxiety, belly fat, insomnia

Your body thinks it’s surviving an attack.

3. Eventually… adrenals burn out

And now you’re left with:

  • low cortisol
  • low thyroid
  • low energy
  • low motivation
  • deep exhaustion

This is why you’re tired all day
and wired at night.

🔥 Symptoms of Thyroid–Adrenal Burnout

If you nod your head to more than 5 of these…
this is your issue:

✔ Tired but can’t sleep
✔ Wake up exhausted
✔ Midday crash
✔ Rage or irritability
✔ Sugar cravings
✔ Salt cravings
✔ Anxiety for no reason
✔ Hair thinning
✔ Brain fog
✔ Feeling “overwhelmed by nothing”
✔ Feeling shaky without eating
✔ Weight gain around the belly
✔ Cold hands and feet
✔ Light sensitivity

Sound familiar?
You’re not alone — you’re in adrenal exhaustion.

🔥 How To Start Healing the Thyroid–Adrenal War

You don’t have to buy anything.
You don’t need 20 supplements.
You don’t need to starve yourself.

Start HERE:

✨ 1. Eat Within 1 Hour of Waking

This stabilizes cortisol.

Best options:

  • eggs
  • avocado
  • apple + nut butter
  • oats
  • turkey sausage
  • cooked fruit

DO NOT drink coffee before food.
Ever.

✨ 2. Salt Your Water (Yes… Really)

Your adrenals need sodium + potassium balance.

Try:

  • ¼ tsp Celtic salt
  • 8–12 oz warm water
  • squeeze of lemon

This is the quickest adrenal support hack I ever learned.

✨ 3. Stop Fasting

If you have hypothyroidism or Hashimoto’s, intermittent fasting is NOT your friend.

It raises cortisol → slows thyroid → stalls weight loss.

✨ 4. Reduce Caffeine

You don’t have to quit…
but the timing matters.

Never drink caffeine:

  • first thing in the morning
  • during an empty stomach
  • when stressed

Your body interprets caffeine as danger.

✨ 5. Walk 10 Minutes After Meals

This controls:

  • insulin
  • cortisol
  • inflammation
  • digestion

And your thyroid LOVES it.

✨ 6. Eat More Carbs (YES… You Heard Me)

Women with thyroid issues NEED carbs.

Eat:

  • berries
  • apples
  • sweet potatoes
  • quinoa
  • carrots
  • cooked fruit
  • squash

This stabilizes your hormones.

✨ 7. Breathe from Your Belly (Not Your Chest)

Deep belly breathing calms the adrenals.

Try this:
4 seconds in → 4 hold → 6 out

Do it 3 times a day.

✨ 8. Protect Your Sleep Like It’s Holy

No screens after 9 pm.
Hot bath.
Cold room.
Dark space.
Magnesium.

Your body cannot heal without sleep.

✨ Want to Go Deeper?

Your body is not broken.
It’s burned out.

That’s why I write books that don’t just tell you what to eat —
they tell you why your body is suffering
and how to break the cycle.

Here’s where to start:

📙 Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan
📘 Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes
📘 A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism
📗 Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance

These are not books —
they’re lifelines.

✨ Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and does not diagnose or treat disease. Always consult your healthcare provider before making changes. I’m not a doctor — just a woman who survived hell and took notes.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling author, researcher, and health advocate who reversed her autoimmune symptoms using nutrition, ancestral healing, and environmental detox. Her mission is to help women reclaim their energy, their bodies, and their power. She lives, writes, and heals in Charlotte, NC.

12 Foods Quietly Destroying Your Thyroid (You’re Eating 6 of Them Right Now)

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If you’ve ever sat at your kitchen table wondering,
“Why am I gaining weight when I’m barely eating?”
or
“Why does my body feel inflamed for no reason?”

There is a reason —
and it’s sitting on your plate.

Most people think hypothyroidism is just “a lazy thyroid,”
but the truth is far more frustrating:

Your thyroid is not lazy.
It’s under attack.

And some of the foods doing the attacking?
They’re foods you reach for every single day — without knowing the damage they cause.

So today we’re going to have an honest conversation — woman to woman, survivor to survivor — about the foods that quietly destroy thyroid function.

Not to scare you.
But to free you.

Because once you know better…
your healing becomes unstoppable.

🔥 1. Soy (Milk, meat substitutes, tofu, protein shakes)

Soy contains goitrogens, chemicals that literally block your thyroid from absorbing iodine — the mineral your thyroid requires to function.

What it does:

  • Raises TSH
  • Lowers T4/T3 conversion
  • Wrecks your metabolism
  • Imitates estrogen → hormone chaos

You think you’re being healthy.
Your thyroid thinks it’s being strangled.

🔥 2. Vegetable Oils (soybean, canola, corn, peanut)

These oils are in EVERYTHING.

What they cause:
Inflammation → autoimmunity → slower metabolism → stubborn belly fat

If your belly feels inflamed after eating?
It’s probably the oil, not the food.

🔥 3. Gluten

Gluten and Hashimoto’s are best friends in hell.

Science shows:
People with Hashimoto’s often produce antibodies that attack gluten and thyroid tissue… because the proteins look similar.

That means:
Your body thinks your thyroid IS gluten.
So it attacks both.

🔥 4. Conventional Dairy

Not all dairy is evil —
but processed U.S. dairy full of hormones and casein A1?

Your thyroid hates it.

This one is the cause of:

  • bloating
  • mucus
  • inflammation
  • skin issues
  • slowed digestion

🔥 5. Sugar (including “healthy” sugars)

Sugar causes:

  • inflammation
  • blood sugar swings
  • hormone imbalance
  • cortisol spikes
  • weight gain

And because your metabolism is already slow…
Sugar hits you harder than most people.

🔥 6. Caffeine on an Empty Stomach

This one shocks people.

Coffee first thing in the morning spikes:

  • adrenaline
  • cortisol
  • blood sugar
  • inflammation

Your thyroid does NOT like chaos at 7 AM.

Coffee is not the enemy.
The timing is.

🔥 7. Artificial Sweeteners

Aspartame, sucralose, Ace-K…

Listen.
These are poison for your thyroid.

They disrupt gut bacteria —
and 20% of thyroid hormone conversion happens in the gut.

So if your gut is dying?
Your thyroid is too.

🔥 8. Farmed Fish

Full of:

  • mercury
  • PCBs
  • antibiotics

These chemicals lodge themselves in your thyroid tissue and disrupt hormones.

If you crave fish → choose wild-caught.

🔥 9. Corn (yes… CORN)

GMO corn is inflammatory, hard to digest, and spikes glucose.

If you feel bloated after Mexican food?
It’s the corn — not the tacos.

🔥 10. Tap Water

Full of:

  • chlorine
  • fluoride
  • metals
  • pesticides
  • PFAS

Fluoride alone can drop thyroid function by 30%.

Get a filter.
Your thyroid will thank you.

🔥 11. Fast Food (even the “healthy” options)

Loaded with:

  • rancid oils
  • preservatives
  • chemicals
  • MSG
  • hormone disruptors

One bite = inflammation for up to 72 hours.

🔥 12. Raw Cruciferous Vegetables

Cooked = fine.
Raw = goitrogen city.

Examples:

  • kale
  • broccoli
  • cauliflower
  • cabbage
  • bok choy

Raw smoothies with kale?
Not your friend.

✨ So What Should You Eat Instead?

Here’s the GOOD NEWS:

Your body is not broken.
It’s inflamed.
It’s exhausted.
And it’s begging for the right foods.

Which is exactly why I created:

📘 Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes
📘 Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Plan📘
📘 Pawsitively Nourished (for your fur baby too)

Every one of these books was born from my healing journey —
the SAME journey you’re on.

✨ Disclaimer

This article is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Always discuss dietary changes with a trusted healthcare provider. I am not a doctor — I’m a survivor sharing what saved my life.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling author, journalist, and thyroid warrior who reversed her Hashimoto’s symptoms through food, functional healing, and radical self-advocacy. Her blog has reached millions of readers seeking truth, healing, and hope. She lives in Charlotte, NC, and continues to write books, guides, and cookbooks to empower people battling chronic illness.

Discover the 12 everyday foods silently sabotaging your thyroid. Learn what to avoid, what to replace, and how to start healing naturally from hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s.

The Milk Myth: How the Government Engineered Childhood Nutrition

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A shocking exposé uncovering how milk became America’s “mandatory” childhood drink through government propaganda, corporate partnerships, and advertising manipulation. Learn the hidden history behind dairy, school lunch programs, and the marketing machine that shaped generations.

Most Americans grew up believing:

“Milk makes you strong.”
“Milk builds healthy bones.”
“Kids need milk every day.”

It became a moral food, a patriotic food, a mother-approved food.

But there’s something you were never told:

Milk did not become a childhood necessity because of nutrition.
It became one because of marketing, politics, and agricultural panic.

This is the real story — the one buried under decades of dairy-funded slogans, government partnerships, and nationwide school mandates.

Welcome to the truth behind the glass.

THE COLLAPSE THAT STARTED IT ALL

Early 1900s.

Dairy farms were drowning.
Overproduction was destroying the market.
Prices were collapsing.
Millions of gallons were being dumped.

Farmers were ruined.

The dairy industry needed a miracle.

They didn’t find one.

They invented one.

THE GOVERNMENT-Dairy Alliance

Here’s where things get dark:

Politicians realized saving dairy farmers meant saving votes.

So government agencies quietly partnered with dairy corporations.
Together, they launched a national campaign to transform milk into:

A requirement.
A health symbol.
A moral duty.
And eventually — a legal school mandate.

The “science” behind milk?

Much of it came from:

• dairy-funded research
• agricultural lobbyists
• government nutrition boards tied to the industry
• advertising agencies
• corporate-funded school studies

If a study didn’t support milk?

It was simply not published.

This is not conspiracy.
This is documented food-industry history.

THE SCHOOL MILK TAKEOVER

If you want to change a nation, start with its children.

So that’s exactly what they did.

Milk became:

• required in public schools
• subsidized by taxpayers
• part of federal lunch programs
• pushed through “Got Milk?” propaganda
• promoted as “essential” in children’s development

Kids didn’t choose milk —
milk chose kids.

Teachers repeated it.
Doctors repeated it.
Parents repeated it.

And soon…

Milk became identity.
Milk became childhood.
Milk became unquestioned truth.

But every truth has a source —
and this one led straight to money.

THE DARK SECRET OF “BONE HEALTH” MARKETING

The phrase “milk builds strong bones” became sacred.

But behind the scenes?

Most of the research came from:

• dairy industry grants
• agricultural marketing boards
• government PR partnerships
• corporate-funded nutrition labs

And the big twist?

Multiple large-scale independent studies later showed:

🔹 Countries with the MOST milk consumption
also had
🔹 some of the highest osteoporosis fracture rates.

Not because milk is harmful —
but because the marketing simplified complex science into a slogan.

Nuance vanished.
Data became advertising.
Nutrition became politics.

This is how a product becomes a belief.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MILK: How They Got Parents

To understand milk’s power, you must understand guilt marketing.

Milk advertising targeted mothers directly:

“You’re a good mom if your child drinks milk.”
“You’re failing your child if they don’t.”
“Milk is the foundation of childhood health.”

This wasn’t nutrition.
It was emotional manipulation.

Because the fastest way to control a society
is to control the parents raising it.

THE TRUTH NOBODY ASKS:

If milk was so essential…

Why wasn’t it essential in Europe for centuries?
Why isn’t it essential in Asia?
Why isn’t it essential in many modern countries today?
Why do many cultures thrive without it?

Because “essential” was manufactured.

And Americans never questioned why milk was the only beverage mandated in schools.

They never questioned why advertising for milk looked more like patriotism than nutrition.

They never questioned why dairy had its own government board with a marketing budget larger than some nations.

They never questioned why milk mustache ads used celebrities, athletes, and politicians.

Because when marketing becomes culture…
people stop seeing it as marketing.

DISCLAIMER

All historical information here is drawn from publicly available agricultural archives, food industry history textbooks, government nutrition policies, advertising records, and dairy marketing documents. Interpretations are investigative commentary for educational purposes.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A.L. Childers, author of The Dark Side: Uncovering the Culture of Corruption, specializes in exposing the invisible machinery shaping society — from government systems to corporate manipulation to psychological advertising tactics. Her documentary-style storytelling blends deep research with cinematic narrative, revealing what institutions hope the public never questions.

Her mission:
Reveal the truth.
Strip away the illusion.
Empower the reader.

CALL TO ACTION

If the truth about milk shook you…

Wait until you see:

🔥 how cereal became a religion
🔥 how advertisers rewired gender norms
🔥 how corporations invented “beauty standards”
🔥 how propaganda created American patriotism
🔥 how marketing became mind control

Blog #4 is coming next.

And trust me —
you are NOT ready for what advertisers did next.

👉 Meanwhile, explore the corruption that built ALL of these systems:
The Dark Side: Uncovering the Culture of Corruption
Available now on Amazon.

The Dark Side: Uncovering the Culture of Corruption

#MilkMyth #HiddenHistory #FoodIndustryLies #CorporateManipulation
#SchoolLunchSecrets #DarkHistory #ConsumerPsychology #AdvertisingExposed
#ALChilders #TheDarkSideBook #NutritionPropaganda #MarketingHistory

My Thyroid Is Technically ‘Normal’—So Why Am I Living Inside a Broken Furnace?”

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By A.L. Childers


A hilariously chaotic deep dive into why you can have “perfect labs” and still feel like your metabolism is running on two AA batteries. A warm, sarcastic, empowering thyroid blog by bestselling author A.L. Childers.

Welcome back to the Hypothyroid Circus. Part 2.

If you’re reading this, it means one of the following is true:

  1. Your thyroid labs came back “normal,” but you still feel like you’ve been hit by a tranquilizer dart.
  2. You’ve gained three pounds from breathing near a waffle.
  3. You’re exhausted, puffy, irritable, and confused — but your doctor says you’re “fine.”
  4. You needed answers… or validation… or chaos… and here you are.

Either way:
Sit down. Hydrate. Breathe. I’ve got you.

I’m A.L. Childers — your thyroid guide, your hormonal hype-woman, and the unofficial spokesperson for “Why Am I Like This?” Syndrome.

Let’s begin.

Your Labs Are Normal Because the System Is Not Built for Women

The medical establishment still treats hypothyroidism like it’s 1958.

Back when:

  • doctors smoked in your exam room
  • Women were called “hysterical”
  • and TSH was considered the holy grail

Meanwhile, your body is performing an entire opera of symptoms:

  • heart palpitations
  • insomnia
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • cold hands
  • weight gain
  • constipation
  • hair loss
  • brain fog so thick you forget your own ZIP code

But medical professionals look you dead in the face and say:
“Your TSH is in range.”

Great.
Wonderful.
Glorious.

Can someone tell that to my metabolism, who left the chat?

Your Thyroid Isn’t Slow. It’s Held Hostage.

Hypothyroidism isn’t laziness. It’s not age. It’s not “just hormones.”

It is:

  • cellular stress
  • inflammation
  • endocrine miscommunication
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • cortisol sabotage
  • insulin drama
  • estrogen chaos
  • gut rebellion

Your thyroid doesn’t wake up one day and decide,
“You know what? I think I’ll just shut the whole system down for fun.”

It’s overwhelmed.
Like you.
Like every woman carrying a household, a job, a family, and her sanity in an old Dollar Tree tote bag.

Why You Still Can’t Lose Weight: The Sequel (aka “The Hormones Strike Back”)

Let’s review the hormonal cast of characters currently ruining your life:

Cortisol
Likes to release fat-storing signals while you’re:

  • lying still
  • minding your business
  • trying to heal
  • sleeping
  • watching TV
  • or doing absolutely nothing

Insulin
Stores fat.
Aggressively.
With enthusiasm.
She’s the Oprah of body fat:
“YOU get a fat cell! And YOU get a fat cell!”

Estrogen
Will sometimes help metabolism…
Sometimes ruin your entire existence.
It depends on her mood.

Progesterone
Missing.
Last seen in 2016.

Leptin
Meant to regulate appetite but got a new job ghosting you instead.

Reverse T3
The petty one.
Blocks your thyroid hormones like it’s guarding the club VIP section.

Together, they form the hormonal Avengers — but instead of saving the world, they’re stealing your energy, metabolism, and patience.

Your Doctor Thinks It’s Calories. Your Body Thinks It’s Survival Mode.

If one more medical provider says “eat less, move more,”
Your thyroid is going to spontaneously combust.

Your body isn’t hoarding weight because you’re “lazy.”
It’s storing weight because it thinks you are:

✅ cold
✅ starving
✅ stressed
✅ sick
✅ running from danger
✅ living inside a famine simulation

It’s not your fault.

Your biology is trying to save your life.

It just doesn’t understand that your biggest threat in 2025 is:

  • emails
  • toxic people
  • corporate America
  • and gluten

You’re Not Crazy — Your Hormones Are Unsupervised Toddlers

You’re forgetful?
That’s thyroid fog.

You’re emotional?
That’s hormones staging a coup.

You’re exhausted but can’t sleep?
That’s cortisol jumping on the bed.

You’re hungry after eating?
That’s leptin sending you straight to jail.

You feel swollen?
Inflammation is hosting a pool party.

None of this is in your imagination.
Your body is just currently being operated by a team of unsupervised toddlers with glitter fingers and zero remorse.

A Note to Every Woman Who Has Ever Felt Dismissed

If you’ve ever been told:

  • “You’re just tired.”
  • “You’re getting older.”
  • “Your labs are normal.”
  • “It’s anxiety.”
  • “Maybe try dieting harder.”

Let me say this clearly:

You are not dramatic.
You are not imagining it.
You are not the problem.

The problem is a broken system that refuses to treat thyroid disease with nuance, depth, updated science, or empathy.

That’s why I write the way I do — with humor, sharp edges, and unapologetic truth.

Someone has to tell women the real story.

About the Author — A.L. CHILDERS

A.L. Childers is the unapologetic voice of thyroid truth — a bestselling author, researcher, storyteller, and advocate for women who have been dismissed, gaslit, ignored, or misdiagnosed.

She is known for turning complex thyroid science into relatable, hilarious content that makes women feel seen, validated, and empowered.

Her books include:
✅ Hashimoto’s Crockpot Recipes
✅ Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan
✅ Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance
✅ A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism
✅ AND bestselling fiction + historical works under A.L. Childers

Her mission is simple:
Help women understand their bodies, reclaim their health, and stop letting outdated medicine write their story for them.

Read more at TheHypothyroidismChick.com
Support her work by exploring her books — every purchase helps her continue writing life-changing truth for women everywhere.

hypothyroidism humor blog, weight gain thyroid, thyroid labs normal no weight loss, hormone chaos, A.L. Childers thyroid books, Armour Thyroid not working, Hashimoto’s weight problems, hypothyroid survival humor

#ThyroidGoddess
#HypothyroidHumor
#HormoneChaos
#ThyroidWarrior
#WomenWithThyroid
#HashimotosTruth
#ThyroidCommunity
#ALChilders

Disclaimer

This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice. Consult a healthcare professional for personalized care.

Why Your Thyroid Medication Is Working… But Your Metabolism Quit Its Job Anyway”

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By A.L. Childers


A sarcastic, painfully honest, laugh-while-you-cry look at why thyroid medication alone doesn’t magically make weight fall off. Hypothyroidism, hormones, metabolism chaos, and real solutions — told with humor, truth, and Carolina attitude.

If weight loss was as simple as ‘just take your thyroid pill,’ we’d all be out here looking like supermodels.

But if you’re a hypothyroidism patient?

You know the truth:

Your thyroid can be “in range,” “optimized,” “stable,” “fine,” and “perfect on paper”…
while your jeans still feel like they were sewn by Satan himself.

And when you tell your doctor,
“I’m gaining weight even though I’m doing everything right,”
They respond with the classic:

“Well… calories in, calories out.”

Sir.
Ma’am.
Respectfully, my hormones are not obeying the laws of physics right now.

Let’s talk about why thyroid meds don’t magically turn you into a calorie-burning dragon — even though the bottle swears it should.

And let’s do it with honesty, science, and the appropriate amount of sarcasm this topic deserves.

Your Thyroid Isn’t the Only Hormone in the Group Chat

Thyroid meds can replace the hormones your thyroid should be making.
Cool. Wonderful. Great.

But your body is not a one-hormone operation.

You’ve also got:

  • Cortisol (the “I’m stressed to the point of madness” hormone)
  • Insulin (the “store everything as fat instantly” hormone)
  • Estrogen (the drama queen)
  • Leptin (the appetite manager who is permanently on lunch break)
  • Progesterone (missing; presumed dead)

Your thyroid pill is doing its job.
The rest of your hormones?
They’re throwing a foam-party rave in your metabolism and forgot to invite your sanity.

Your Metabolism Is Running Windows 95

Hypothyroidism slows EVERYTHING down — including how fast you burn calories at rest.

Even with medication, it doesn’t instantly go back to “factory settings.”

You upgrade from:

Metabolism: Sloth Mode
to
Metabolism: Slightly Faster Sloth Mode

And if you’ve been hypothyroid for years or misdiagnosed for a decade?

Your metabolism needs more than a pill.
It needs:

  • protein
  • muscle
  • consistent meals
  • proper sleep
  • balanced cortisol
  • nourishment
  • boundaries with people who stress you into a flare

A thyroid pill cannot fix a lifetime of surviving instead of thriving.

It helps — but it’s not a wand.

Inflammation Has Entered the Chat

Inflammation in hypothyroidism =
The body is holding onto weight like it’s preparing for the Great Depression 2.0.

You can be:
✅ eating clean
✅ walking
✅ hydrating
✅ doing everything “right”

And inflammation still says:
“Actually, I’m going to keep this water weight, fat, puffiness and bloat.
For emergencies. Mind your business.”

Medication helps lower inflammation — but not if:

  • Your sleep is trash
  • Your cortisol is a circus
  • You’re under-eating
  • Your gut is inflamed
  • You’re nutrient-deficient
  • You’re stressed 23 hours a day

Thyroid meds can’t fight inflammation alone.
It takes a whole lifestyle shift — not the kind Instagram influencers pretend to do for 48 hours.

Reverse T3 Ruins Lives

RT3 = the hormone your body makes when it is:

  • stressed
  • underfed
  • inflamed
  • dealing with chronic illness
  • living in survival mode

RT3 basically grabs your thyroid hormones and says:

“Oh no, sweetie, you’re not doing anything today.”

If you’ve ever felt:

  • exhausted
  • puffy
  • foggy
  • slow
  • heavy
  • depressed
  • frozen despite meds

Congratulations — you’re familiar with RT3 sabotage.

And guess what?

Your medication can be perfect…
But if RT3 is high, you still feel hypothyroid.

Your Thyroid Medication Doesn’t Replace Self-Advocacy

Let’s be real:

Half of hypothyroid weight issues come from doctors saying:

  • “Your labs are fine.”
  • “It’s just aging.”
  • “Eat less, move more.”
  • “Your symptoms aren’t thyroid-related.”
  • “You just need a multivitamin.”
  • “Are you sure it’s not anxiety?”

Meanwhile, your body is yelling:
“HELLO? I AM DYING AND SWELLING AT THE SAME TIME.”

Medication is ONE piece of the puzzle.
Getting the RIGHT medication, RIGHT dosage, and the RIGHT labs is another puzzle entirely.

You need:

  • Free T3
  • Free T4
  • TSH
  • Reverse T3
  • Thyroid antibodies
  • Ferritin
  • Vitamin D
  • Cortisol
  • B12
  • Insulin

If your doctor only orders TSH?

You’re being treated like a thyroid from 1952.

So, Why Don’t Thyroid Meds Guarantee Weight Loss?

Because hypothyroidism is not just a thyroid disorder.

It is:

  • metabolic
  • hormonal
  • inflammatory
  • neurological
  • nutritional
  • emotional
  • stress-driven

The thyroid is the conductor.

But honey, the whole orchestra is drunk.

The Good News (Yes, There’s Good News)

Your body CAN lose weight again.
It CAN heal.
It CAN rebalance.

But you need:
✅ the right labs
✅ the right medication
✅ nourishment (not restriction)
✅ protein
✅ muscle stimulation
✅ inflammation reduction
✅ cortisol management
✅ gut support
✅ patience (ugh)

Your thyroid isn’t broken.
It’s overwhelmed.

Just like you.

About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author known for combining humor, truth, and science to help women understand hypothyroidism, hormones, and the chaos they cause. She writes from lived experience and years of research, giving women validation and answers they rarely get in a doctor’s office.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Thyroid weight loss issues, hypothyroidism blog humor, why thyroid meds don’t work, reverse T3 symptoms, cortisol hypothyroid weight gain, thyroid metabolism slow, thyroid medication problems, hypothyroid women weight gain


#ThyroidTruth
#HypothyroidHumor
#HormoneChaos
#ThyroidWarrior
#HashimotosLife
#ChronicIllnessHumor
#ThyroidJourney

Disclaimer

This blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not provide medical advice. Consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalized medical guidance.

If My Thyroid Had a Yelp Review… It Would Be 1 Star and Flagged as “Fraudulent Activity.”

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(A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice)

I have decided that if businesses can be reviewed on Yelp, so can internal organs.
Specifically, my thyroid.

Because if restaurants get held accountable for soggy fries,
then my thyroid should face judgment for wrecking my metabolism, emotions, and entire personality.

So here it is.

My official thyroid Yelp review.

Spoiler: It’s not glowing.

⭐ 1 Star. Do Not Recommend.

Reviewed by: A very tired woman
Service Provided: Metabolism, mood regulation, hair retention, life force
Status: Closed for renovation since 2007

The Review:

I would give zero stars if possible.

I arrived at my body expecting normal endocrine service.
Simple things. Nothing dramatic.

  • Basic energy
  • Basic metabolism
  • Basic emotional stability
  • A functioning thermostat

Instead, I received:

  • Constant fatigue
  • A metabolism moving at sloth speed
  • Emotional whiplash
  • Random swelling
  • Hair shedding like a husky in July
  • Dry skin that could sand a table

This place is a scam.

⭐ Cleanliness: 1/5

Why does my thyroid feel like it’s filled with dust, betrayal, and 12 unhealed childhood traumas?

I didn’t order this.

⭐ Wait Time: 0/5

It takes six to nine months to get a diagnosis because doctors assume your fatigue is “laziness,” “stress,” or “being a woman.”

Great.
Love that for us.

The wait time for feeling normal again?
Approximately 3–5 business years.

⭐ Customer Service: -4/5

I have called multiple times.
My thyroid does not answer.

It ghosts me constantly.

When it does respond, it says things like:

“Maybe take a nap?”

“Have you tried eating better?”

“Let’s shut down your metabolism for fun.”

This is harassment.

⭐ Food Quality: 1/5

Apparently everything I eat is now stored forever.
I had one pretzel five days ago and I’m still bloated.

My thyroid must be running a “zero digestion, all storage” operation.

Is anyone regulating this establishment?

⭐ Atmosphere: 1/5

The vibes are rancid.

Inside my body it feels like:

  • A haunted house
  • A broken vending machine
  • A Walmart at 2 AM
  • The week before Mercury retrograde

Disappointing ambiance overall.

⭐ Staff: 2/5

The supporting employees (adrenals, pituitary gland, nervous system) seem exhausted from overcompensating.

Honestly, they deserve a raise.

Meanwhile my thyroid sits in the back room on break.

⭐ Menu Options:

What I want to order:

  • Energy
  • Good mood
  • Clear thoughts
  • Weight loss
  • Thick hair
  • Normal body temperature

What I receive:

  • Tired
  • Cold
  • Sad
  • Confused
  • Bloated
  • Balding

This is false advertising.

⭐ Pricing: 10/5

This is the most expensive broken organ I’ve ever owned.

It costs:

  • Thousands in supplements
  • Hundreds in tests
  • Therapy
  • Two missed appointments
  • A personality shift
  • A social life
  • My will to live

Zero coupons.
Zero loyalty points.

⭐ Would I Return?

I don’t have a choice.

What Hypothyroidism Would Say in Response (If It Responded at All)

“Hi, thanks for your feedback!
We’re sorry you feel this way.

We are currently experiencing high call volume due to chronic inflammation and the universe being rude.

Your suffering is important to us.

Please allow 6 to 12 months for symptom improvement.
Have you tried yoga?”

Absolutely not.
I am boycotting this business.

Additional Reviews From Other Organs

Adrenal Glands:
“Management refuses to hire more staff. We are overwhelmed. SOS.”

Pituitary Gland:
“I just work here.”

Immune System:
“We got carried away. Sorry.”

Hair Follicles:
“Her? We quit.”

Final Verdict:

My thyroid is the worst employee I’ve ever hired.
It has:

  • Poor performance
  • No accountability
  • A history of misconduct
  • Zero work ethic
  • Frequent absences
  • And keeps sending emotional HR complaints

But like every tired woman with hypothyroidism…
I’ll continue dragging myself through life,
supplements in one hand,
caffeine in the other,
praying this useless gland decides to clock in again someday.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is humor based on lived experiences and research. It is not medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.


A long, brutally funny, painfully accurate sarcastic blog where hypothyroidism is reviewed like a terrible business on Yelp. Dark humor, women’s health truth bombs, and thyroid comedy by A.L. Childers.

A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back

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(Because one betrayal wasn’t dramatic enough.)

If you’re reading this, congratulations.

You’ve survived another round of thyroid foolishness.

Your gland has betrayed you once,
possibly twice,
and for many of us—
it’s now working on betrayal attempt number 37.

Welcome to the sequel.

This is basically “The Empire Strikes Back,”
except instead of Darth Vader,
you’re battling a marshmallow-sized body part
that can’t decide whether it wants to:

  • keep you awake until 3 AM
  • put you in a coma at 3 PM
  • make you hot
  • make you cold
  • make you cry
  • make you homicidal
  • or make you eat three bags of popcorn in silence while contemplating the meaning of life

Hypothyroidism is not a condition. It’s a lifestyle the thyroid chooses for you.

And just like any good sequel,
things escalate.

Symptoms get bolder.
Mood swings get spicier.
Fatigue becomes a personality trait.
Hair shedding becomes a hobby.

And your thyroid?
Oh, your thyroid is sitting inside your neck
like a disgruntled employee
who showed up to work
specifically to do nothing.

My thyroid in the sequel:
“I’m ready to underperform with consistency.”

The betrayal hits different the second time around.

First time, you’re shocked.

Second time?

You’re annoyed.
You’re seasoned.
You’re emotionally prepared.
You’ve memorized your lab ranges like Bible verses.
You start speaking fluent Endocrinology.

You walk into your doctor’s office like:
“Hi. I’m here for my annual gaslighting.”

Your doctor reviews your labs and says,
“Everything looks normal.”

And you say,
“Actually, Dr. Patterson, I haven’t felt normal since Obama’s first term.”

The sequel includes brand-new side quests.

In part one, the symptoms were subtle.

In part two?
You unlock the expansion pack.

✅ New Symptoms:

  • Random body swelling
  • Phantom sadness
  • Feeling 89 years old at age 45
  • Heart palpitations for no reason
  • 23 different food intolerances
  • Sleeping 8 hours and waking up exhausted anyway
  • Brain fog that makes you forget what you forgot
  • And of course—
    the weight gain that arrives even when you’re fasting, praying, and eating like a monk

Your thyroid sees you trying.
Your thyroid laughs.

The hormones get petty in the sequel.

Your estrogen says, “Let’s be dramatic.”
Your cortisol says, “Let’s panic.”
Your progesterone says, “I’m going on break.”
Your thyroid says, “I never returned from the last one.”

All four of them together?
A chaotic girl band.
No harmony.
No unity.
No rhythm.
Just vibes.

You become a master detective.

With hypothyroidism part two, you develop skills.

You can now:

  • Diagnose yourself using intuition and Google
  • Identify fatigue from 100 feet away
  • Predict weather based on your swelling
  • Sense when your medication dose is off
  • Cry in your car with Olympic-level form
  • Find gluten hiding anywhere
  • Smell fake friends and low iron instantly

You’re basically the Nancy Drew of Hormonal Dysfunction.

And yet—you’re stronger now.

Despite the sequel’s chaos,
you’ve adapted.

You’re resilient.
You’re hilarious.
You’re intuitive.
You’re spiritually upgraded.
You’re one meltdown away from enlightenment.

Because women with hypothyroidism?

We evolve like Pokémon.

Slower, yes.
Tired, yes.
Hungry, always.
But wiser.

The truth is… you survived both betrayals.

And you’re still here:

  • Holding your supplements like sacred relics
  • Drinking water like it’s a full-time job
  • Googling symptoms like a scholar
  • Advocating for yourself like a warrior
  • Laughing through the exhaustion like a champion

And that’s why the sequel had to be written.

You deserve applause.
A trophy.
A stipend.
A break.
A functioning metabolism.
At least one of those things.

Preferably the last one.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is humorous and experience-based. It is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your licensed healthcare provider for personal health concerns.

“A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back.”


A long, sarcastic, warm-toned comedic blog about life with hypothyroidism—the sequel no one asked for but every thyroid warrior desperately needs. Written by A.L. Childers.


hypothyroidism humor, thyroid symptoms comedy, Hashimoto’s funny blog, women’s thyroid issues, thyroid dysfunction satire, A.L. Childers health writing, thyroid metabolism struggles


#Hypothyroidism #Hashimotos #ThyroidHumor #ChronicIllnessComedy #ThyroidProblems #ALChilders