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A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back

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(Because one betrayal wasn’t dramatic enough.)

If you’re reading this, congratulations.

You’ve survived another round of thyroid foolishness.

Your gland has betrayed you once,
possibly twice,
and for many of us—
it’s now working on betrayal attempt number 37.

Welcome to the sequel.

This is basically “The Empire Strikes Back,”
except instead of Darth Vader,
you’re battling a marshmallow-sized body part
that can’t decide whether it wants to:

  • keep you awake until 3 AM
  • put you in a coma at 3 PM
  • make you hot
  • make you cold
  • make you cry
  • make you homicidal
  • or make you eat three bags of popcorn in silence while contemplating the meaning of life

Hypothyroidism is not a condition. It’s a lifestyle the thyroid chooses for you.

And just like any good sequel,
things escalate.

Symptoms get bolder.
Mood swings get spicier.
Fatigue becomes a personality trait.
Hair shedding becomes a hobby.

And your thyroid?
Oh, your thyroid is sitting inside your neck
like a disgruntled employee
who showed up to work
specifically to do nothing.

My thyroid in the sequel:
“I’m ready to underperform with consistency.”

The betrayal hits different the second time around.

First time, you’re shocked.

Second time?

You’re annoyed.
You’re seasoned.
You’re emotionally prepared.
You’ve memorized your lab ranges like Bible verses.
You start speaking fluent Endocrinology.

You walk into your doctor’s office like:
“Hi. I’m here for my annual gaslighting.”

Your doctor reviews your labs and says,
“Everything looks normal.”

And you say,
“Actually, Dr. Patterson, I haven’t felt normal since Obama’s first term.”

The sequel includes brand-new side quests.

In part one, the symptoms were subtle.

In part two?
You unlock the expansion pack.

✅ New Symptoms:

  • Random body swelling
  • Phantom sadness
  • Feeling 89 years old at age 45
  • Heart palpitations for no reason
  • 23 different food intolerances
  • Sleeping 8 hours and waking up exhausted anyway
  • Brain fog that makes you forget what you forgot
  • And of course—
    the weight gain that arrives even when you’re fasting, praying, and eating like a monk

Your thyroid sees you trying.
Your thyroid laughs.

The hormones get petty in the sequel.

Your estrogen says, “Let’s be dramatic.”
Your cortisol says, “Let’s panic.”
Your progesterone says, “I’m going on break.”
Your thyroid says, “I never returned from the last one.”

All four of them together?
A chaotic girl band.
No harmony.
No unity.
No rhythm.
Just vibes.

You become a master detective.

With hypothyroidism part two, you develop skills.

You can now:

  • Diagnose yourself using intuition and Google
  • Identify fatigue from 100 feet away
  • Predict weather based on your swelling
  • Sense when your medication dose is off
  • Cry in your car with Olympic-level form
  • Find gluten hiding anywhere
  • Smell fake friends and low iron instantly

You’re basically the Nancy Drew of Hormonal Dysfunction.

And yet—you’re stronger now.

Despite the sequel’s chaos,
you’ve adapted.

You’re resilient.
You’re hilarious.
You’re intuitive.
You’re spiritually upgraded.
You’re one meltdown away from enlightenment.

Because women with hypothyroidism?

We evolve like Pokémon.

Slower, yes.
Tired, yes.
Hungry, always.
But wiser.

The truth is… you survived both betrayals.

And you’re still here:

  • Holding your supplements like sacred relics
  • Drinking water like it’s a full-time job
  • Googling symptoms like a scholar
  • Advocating for yourself like a warrior
  • Laughing through the exhaustion like a champion

And that’s why the sequel had to be written.

You deserve applause.
A trophy.
A stipend.
A break.
A functioning metabolism.
At least one of those things.

Preferably the last one.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is humorous and experience-based. It is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your licensed healthcare provider for personal health concerns.

“A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back.”


A long, sarcastic, warm-toned comedic blog about life with hypothyroidism—the sequel no one asked for but every thyroid warrior desperately needs. Written by A.L. Childers.


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