Tag Archives: #wellness

When the Kitchen Becomes a Temple: A Walk Into The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition)

It was on a frost-kissed October morning — the sort that nips at the fingertips and paints windowpanes with feathery ghosts — when I first understood that a kitchen could be holy ground.

A copper kettle hummed its low, contented song on the stove. Rosemary crackled beneath the blade of a weathered mortar, releasing a scent so green and sharp it cut straight through the gloom of the early dawn. The wooden floorboards creaked as though remembering other feet… older ones… women who stirred pots long before their names were ever written.

And in that hush — that slow curl of steam rising like incense — the truth revealed itself:

Every meal is a spell.
Every soul that stirs with love is a witch reborn.

It is from this truth that The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition): Seasonal Recipes, Spells, Rituals & Kitchen Magic was born.

Not as a mere collection of dishes…
Not as a novelty for the curious…
But as a companion for those who feel the pulse of something ancient when they cook.


A Scene of Scent & Spellcraft

The book opens the way a winter hearth does — slow, glowing, and alive.

Imagine standing in a room where the walls smell of cinnamon and aged pine. Outside, the wind rattles the shutters, as if impatient to be let in on the secret. Inside, candlelight bends across the pages of a handwritten recipe — a stew meant not only to warm the bones but soften the heart.

Here, in these pages, the seasons breathe.
Spring tastes like rain on mint leaves.
Summer hums with peaches warmed by the sun.
Autumn rustles with sage, apple, and the whisper of ancestors.
Winter tastes of cloves, courage, and quiet miracles.

Every chapter deepens the senses — the hiss of onions in butter, the velvet slide of honey on the tongue, the wool-soft glow of a kitchen lantern at dusk.

Dickens knew how to summon the world with smell, sound, and shadow.
This book does the same — but with herbs, broth, and ritual.


Why This Cookbook Stands Apart

While most cookbooks instruct, this one reminds.

Reminds you of the women who measured with their hearts.
Reminds you of the healers who whispered to their herbs.
Reminds you that kitchens were once temples… and can be again.

Inside these pages, you’ll find:

  • Seasonal recipes infused with intention
  • Herbal magic for protection, healing, and abundance
  • Reflection prompts to align your spirit with the wheel of the year
  • Blessings, rituals, and lunar guidance
  • A return to cooking slowly, purposefully, reverently

It is a book for those who feel the world tightening — and want a place where time stretches again.

A book for witches.
For grandmothers.
For daughters who simmer with new magic.
And for anyone who senses that food, when made with love, is a form of prayer.


Excerpt That Sings Like An Heirloom

“To the women who stirred before they were ever told they could cook.
To the healers who whispered to their herbs when no one believed in their magic.
…turning kitchens back into temples.”

The dedication alone feels like stepping into a memory not entirely your own.

And so, dear reader, should you ever feel lost in the noise of the world, open these pages, light a candle, and let the scent of rosemary rise. For in the quiet alchemy of the kitchen, you may yet find — as many have — that the oldest magic is the one made with your own two hands.

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition): Seasonal Recipes, Spells, Rituals & Kitchen Magic


About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a journalist, healer, and author whose work blends folklore, history, food, and the forgotten wisdom of women. Born and raised in the South and shaped by herbal lineage and lived experience, she writes with the soul of a storyteller and the precision of a researcher. Her books reflect one truth: healing begins in the home, and magic begins in the kitchen.

She currently lives in Charlotte, NC, where she continues to blend cooking, healing arts, and storytelling into works that nourish the mind, body, and spirit.


Disclaimer

This book and blog are for educational, spiritual, and entertainment purposes. It does not replace medical care, dietary guidance, or professional treatment. Recipes, rituals, and herbal practices should be used with awareness, intuition, and personal responsibility. Use herbs wisely — and always respect your own health needs.


Step inside The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition) by A.L. Childers — a Dickens-style journey through seasonal recipes, kitchen magic, herbal rituals, and soulful cooking. Discover why this cookbook is a spell, a sanctuary, and a return to sacred living.




The Lies We Loved: How Advertising Invented America — Why This Book Will Change How You See Everything


A.L. Childers exposes how advertising shaped American identity, culture, and beliefs in her groundbreaking book The Lies We Loved: How Advertising Invented America. Discover the hidden machinery behind “normalcy,” patriotism, gender roles, and consumerism in this powerful autopsy of the American mind.

The Lies We Loved: How Advertising Invented America


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The Autopsy of the American Mind Has Arrived

What if everything you were taught to love—the perfect family, the perfect body, the perfect home, the perfect life—was never real at all?

What if normal was manufactured?

What if choice was scripted?

What if your deepest beliefs were placed there… on purpose?

Welcome to The Lies We Loved: How Advertising Invented America, the book by A.L. Childers — the author who refuses to look away.

This is not another conspiracy diary.
It’s not a rant.
It’s not fear-mongering.

This is a documented autopsy of the American mind, revealing how the advertising industry engineered the version of America we were taught to desire, defend, and even die for.

And once you see it, you can never unsee it.


How America Became a Product — And We Became the Consumers

From the smoky boardrooms of the 1950s to the hyper-targeted algorithms of today, The Lies We Loved traces exactly how:

  • corporations manufactured patriotism
  • “family values” were turned into a brand
  • gender roles were created to sell products
  • childhood innocence became a marketing tool
  • beauty standards were engineered for profit
  • safety was framed to shape compliance
  • success was packaged as consumerism
  • rebellion itself was SOLD BACK to us

A.L. Childers blends historical receipts, leaked memos, documented campaigns, and narrative storytelling to expose the machinery behind American life.

This book answers questions you’ve felt in your gut for years but never had proof for.

Because the proof was always there.
It was just printed on a billboard, wrapped in a commercial, or whispered through a jingle.


Why Readers Are Calling It “A Wake-Up Call We Should’ve Had 30 Years Ago”

The Lies We Loved isn’t written to scare you.
It’s written to free you.

Childers guides you through:

  • the myths we inherited
  • the beliefs we absorbed
  • the fears we were sold
  • the identities we were marketed
  • and the price we paid without ever knowing it

And she does it with warmth, compassion, and a storyteller’s touch — because none of us are immune.
We were all raised inside this machine.

This book hands you the blueprint for stepping outside it.


Why A.L. Childers Wrote This Book

In her own words:

“I wanted to understand why America feels like a script we didn’t write. So I started tugging at one thread… and the whole tapestry came undone. This book isn’t about blaming people. It’s about freeing them.”

This is the kind of book professors will assign in classrooms, creators will reference in documentaries, and readers will talk about for years.

Because once the curtain is lifted, America looks very different.


Who Should Read This Book?

✔ Anyone who has ever questioned why things are the way they are
✔ Anyone who senses something “off” in modern culture
✔ Anyone raising children in a manufactured world
✔ Anyone interested in history, psychology, media, politics, or power
✔ Anyone ready to reclaim their mind from the machine

If you’ve ever looked around and said, “None of this feels real,” this book proves you were right.


About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author known for blending historical research, cultural analysis, and human emotion into work that is fearless, compelling, and impossible to put down. She writes with heart, humor, and a refusal to accept “the official story” without digging deeper.

Her mission is to wake people gently but truthfully, offering clarity in a world designed to confuse.
Childers lives in Charlotte, NC, where she writes, researches, and continues pulling at the threads no one else wants to touch.


Disclaimer

This book is based on documented historical sources, corporate archives, advertising case studies, psychological research, and public records. It is not intended as legal, medical, or financial advice. It is a work of investigative storytelling designed to educate, enlighten, and empower readers.
No corporations were harmed in the making of this book — though several may feel exposed.


Ready to Read the Book They Never Wanted You to Notice?

The Lies We Loved: How Advertising Invented America is not just a book.
It’s an awakening.

Because the truth isn’t hidden — it’s advertised.


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The Woman Who Refused to Break: Why Reinvention Is My Love Language

By A.L. Childers — Author. Survivor. Southern storyteller. Walking plot twist.


Author Disclaimer

This blog contains truth, comedy, spiritual awakening, a few emotional bruises, Southern storytelling, and a sprinkle of “I can’t believe she said that.”
Everything written here is honest, lived, experienced, survived, and turned into art — because that’s the only way I know how to live.


The Woman Who Refused to Break

There are two kinds of people in this world:

  1. Those who crumble under pressure
  2. And those who turn pressure into chapters, books, blogs, empires, and a whole Amazon author page

I am proudly the second.

Not because my life has been easy.
Not because I’ve been lucky.
Not because the universe left me alone.

But because somehow — every time life threw a brick —
I built something with it.

Sometimes I built a book.
Sometimes a new career.
Sometimes a new identity.
Sometimes a new version of myself I didn’t even know I needed.

Reinvention didn’t just save me…
it became my love language.


Why Reinvention Matters (Especially When Life Gets Messy)

If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s start over.

I’ve reinvented myself:

  • after childhood chaos
  • after health struggles
  • after motherhood
  • after marriage stress
  • after financial setbacks
  • after betrayal
  • after working jobs that drained my soul dry

And yet…

I always came back swinging — with a pen in my hand and a story in my chest.

I didn’t just survive.
I turned survival into content.
I turned pain into purpose.
I turned my voice into a brand.

And baby, it WORKED.


Why People Connect With My Writing

Because I write the truth — the part people feel but don’t say.

I write about:

  • the exhaustion of being human
  • the chaos of motherhood
  • the spiritual battles no one prepares you for
  • the Southern culture we laugh about but secretly adore
  • the lies America sells us
  • the trauma we carry
  • the mountains we climb
  • and the healing we earn

No fake positivity.
No sugar-coating.
No pretending.

Just real life, written beautifully and boldly.

Readers feel that.
Editors feel that.
Hiring teams feel that.

That’s why my writing sticks.


The Secret: Start Where It Hurts. Build Where It Matters.

Here’s the truth people don’t want to admit:

Your best work comes from the moments you didn’t think you’d make it.

My most powerful writing came from:

  • heartbreak
  • exhaustion
  • trauma
  • reinvention
  • determination
  • and clarity
  • and the moments I said, “ENOUGH. I’m not living like this anymore.”

Every version of me became a new chapter.
Every fall turned into a plot twist.
Every “What now?” became a book.

Reinvention is not weakness.
It’s evolution.
It’s survival.
It’s power.


Why This Blog Helps Me (And You)

Because people want to hire writers who:

  • FEEL
  • KNOW
  • HAVE LIVED A LIFE
  • AND CAN PUT THE TRUTH INTO WORDS

You aren’t hiring a writer with a keyboard.
You’re hiring a woman with a past, a purpose, and a pen sharp enough to cut through the noise.

This blog shows exactly that.


About the Author

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author with over 200 titles across self-help, Southern culture, supernatural fiction, health advocacy, and social commentary.
Her book The Lies We Loved: How Advertising Invented America continues to reach readers around the world who crave honesty, clarity, and freedom from illusion.

With a signature blend of humor, grit, and heart, she writes stories that make people feel seen — and reminds them it’s never too late to reinvent your life.

She is available for freelance writing, ghostwriting, creative development, and projects needing a strong, unforgettable voice.


A powerful, funny, and deeply authentic blog from bestselling author A.L. Childers about reinvention, resilience, and surviving life’s plot twists. Perfect for readers seeking motivation, truth, humor, and a writer who knows how to turn adversity into art.



“The Vaccination Wars They Never Taught You: The Graphic, Hidden History That Still Shapes Medicine Today”


A shocking look into the dark origins of vaccination, political coercion, religious battles, pharmaceutical corruption, and the forgotten victims of early medical experimentation. A cinematic teaser for The Dark Side: Uncovering the Culture of Corruption by A.L. Childers.


Most people think the vaccination debate began in the 21st century.
It didn’t.

It began the moment medicine learned it could cut into a healthy body
in the name of “prevention.”

Before needles.
Before syringes.
Before sterile gloves.

There were:

  • pus-soaked needles
  • powdered scabs scraped from corpses
  • infected threads dragged under children’s skin
  • ceremonial cutting rituals
  • and cries that echoed through candlelit rooms

This wasn’t science.
It was survival theater.
And it was always performed on the powerless.

Today we call it history.
But in truth?

It’s a mirror.

And we are still looking into it.


THE FIRST VACCINATION EXPERIMENTS: A HISTORY WRITTEN IN BLOOD

Long before “public health” was a phrase, ancient physicians practiced variolation—a method so crude it feels like a horror tale:

✔ Blowing powdered smallpox scabs into the nostrils of children
✔ Inserting contaminated needles under the skin
✔ Cutting open arms and pushing disease into the wound
✔ Using scabs from dead bodies as “medicine”
✔ Restraining children screaming for their mothers

Some survived.
Some didn’t.
Science called it progress.

Society called it necessary.

The powerless called it what it truly was:
terrifying.

These were the first vaccination wars—
and they were fought with blades, not ideas.


THE GOVERNMENTS WHO SAW OPPORTUNITY

By the mid-1800s, rulers across Europe discovered something that changed everything:

Vaccination wasn’t just a medical tool.
It was a political one.

With it, they could:

  • track citizens
  • enforce compliance
  • punish dissenters
  • expand policing power
  • regulate entire cities
  • pass new identity laws
  • justify raids into poor neighborhoods

And once governments gained that tool,
they refused to let go.

In London, 1885, over 80,000 people flooded the streets in the largest anti-mandate riot in history.

Families hid children in attics.
Clergy preached about “demonic medicine.”
Police dragged mothers into the street.
Doctors arrived with warrants.

This wasn’t conspiracy.
It was documented fact.

Medicine has always been a battlefield—
not because of science,
but because of power.


WHEN BIG PHARMA WAS BORN

As the industrial world grew, a new empire emerged:

The pharmaceutical industry.

Its founding titans—Merck, Pfizer, Eli Lilly, Roche—built fortunes not on curing disease,
but on patenting it.

They learned quickly:

  • chronic illness = recurring profit
  • dependence = guaranteed revenue
  • fear = market growth
  • regulation = monopoly control

Public health became a business model,
not a mission.

Scientific studies were influenced by funding.
Medical education was shaped by corporate donation.
Doctors were rewarded for prescriptions.
Regulators rotated between government and industry.

“Follow the science” became
“Follow the money trail.”

And that trail was paved with kickbacks, settlements, and buried data.


THE TRUST PROBLEM: WHY HISTORY STILL HAUNTS US

Today, modern public health debates mirror the old ones:

  • fear vs. compliance
  • government vs. autonomy
  • science vs. skepticism
  • help vs. control
  • protection vs. profit

Communities like the Amish, Mennonites, and certain indigenous nations continue to stand apart—relying on herbal medicine, communal care, and generational traditions.

Not because they reject science.
But because history taught them a long time ago
not to accept every institution as savior.

Their story isn’t about disease immunity.
It’s about cultural immunity to coercion.

And their existence proves one thing:

Health has never been one-size-fits-all.
It has always been a negotiation between autonomy and authority.


THE SPECULATIVE FUTURE: WHEN HUMANITY BECOMES INDUSTRIAL

This part is not science.
It’s metaphor.
A warning from history in the language of prophecy:

“Every generation absorbs more chemicals
than the last.”

“Every prescription rewrites a line
of human adaptation.”

“Every system we rely on
grows more artificial—
and expects us to grow artificial with it.”

We are not becoming impure.
We are becoming manufactured.

Not broken.
Not doomed.
But increasingly shaped
by industries that profit from dependency.

Medicine evolves.
Technology evolves.
But corruption evolves faster.

And that is why this chapter matters.


ABOUT THE BOOK

The Dark Side: Uncovering the Culture of Corruption
by A.L. Childers

This book is not just history.
It’s a forensic reconstruction of the systems we trust:

  • medicine
  • religion
  • politics
  • science
  • industry
  • authority

Each chapter exposes a new crime scene—
a centuries-long chain of manipulation, power struggles, forgotten victims, and the political engineering of public health.

This is not a gentle book.
It is graphic, documented, and unfiltered.
A story people were never meant to read.

And once they do,
they will never see the world the same way again.

The Dark Side: Uncovering the Culture of Corruption



ABOUT THE AUTHOR — A.L. CHILDERS

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 books published across:

  • investigative nonfiction
  • supernatural fiction
  • women’s empowerment
  • historical analysis
  • cultural commentary

Raised in poverty in South Carolina, shaped by survival, motherhood, and relentless curiosity, she writes with fearlessness and precision.

Her mission is simple:

Expose what is hidden.
Illuminate what is ignored.
Break what is corrupt.

Her books blend truth, horror, and revelation—
the kind of writing that wakes people up
and doesn’t let them fall asleep again.


DISCLAIMER

This blog and book explore:

  • historical medical practices
  • documented government actions
  • archived public health policies
  • pharmaceutical industry scandals
  • sociological analysis
  • philosophical commentary
  • speculative metaphor

This is not medical advice.
It is historical investigation, cultural critique, and nonfiction narrative grounded in documented sources.

Graphic content is used to reflect historical reality,
not to sensationalize or mislead.

Readers’ discretion is advised.


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Surviving Menopause in a World That Worships Youth

When Your Body Changes and the World Looks Away

Menopause doesn’t arrive like a visitor.

It intrudes.

One day you wake up and realize the body you’ve lived in your whole life

has begun to turn into something unfamiliar—

a creature molting in slow, messy spirals.

Your skin feels different.

Your face looks different.

Your mood shifts like the weather in tornado season.

Your weight rearranges itself without permission,

like your body is a house being redecorated

by someone who hates you.

It starts quietly:

A hot flash here.

A forgotten word there.

A sudden tearful breakdown in the grocery store parking lot

because they were out of your favorite creamer

and it was the last small thing holding your sanity together.

Then it gets louder.

Your hormones start operating with the precision of a drunk drummer.

Your metabolism quits like it’s clocking out early.

Your waistline expands without warning,

as if fat is being delivered by Amazon Prime

to places you’ve never stored it before.

There’s a moment—

and every woman knows it—

when you catch your reflection and feel a jolt of horror

because for the first time

you don’t recognize the woman in front of you.

Her face is fuller.

Her eyes are tired.

Her jawline softer.

Her neck different.

Her entire presence altered

in a way that feels like a violation.

“Is this me now?”

you whisper at the mirror,

as if asking it permission to still exist.

Youth is currency in this world.

And menopause feels like someone emptying your bank account

without warning.

No one prepares you for the grief.

Not the grief for youth itself—

but the grief for the version of yourself

you thought you’d have a little longer.

You start mourning things that aren’t dead:

Your smaller jeans.

Your faster metabolism.

Your glowing skin.

Your confidence in being looked at without flinching.

Your ability to feel sexy without choking on insecurity.

But the cruelest part?

The world doesn’t mourn with you.

Society treats aging women like expired coupons—

once useful, now ignored.

Men get “distinguished.”

Women get “let go.”

And every time you feel invisible,

every time you feel dismissed,

every time you feel replaced by someone younger

and firmer

and smoother,

another small crack forms inside you.

Menopause is not just physical.

It is a psychological haunting.

Your brain fog becomes a fog inside your identity.

Your mood swings feel like emotional possession.

Your libido disappears like a witness in a mob movie.

Your sleep breaks into fragments—

twenty-minute intervals of sweating, freezing, thrashing, thinking,

regretting, overthinking,

and then sweating again.

Your body becomes a battlefield

against itself.

And let’s talk about weight.

No one warns you how humiliating it feels

to gain weight without “earning” it.

Not from overeating.

Not from binging.

Not from laziness.

Just from existing in a body

whose hormones have declared mutiny.

You try everything:

Keto

Low-carb

Low-calorie

Walking

Starving

Crying

Supplements

Prayers

Threats

Mirrors covered

Mirrors uncovered

Clothes donated

Clothes bought

Clothes returned

Google searches at 2 a.m.

“Is it possible for a woman to gain weight simply by looking at bread?”

Nothing makes it stop.

Your thighs soften.

Your stomach rounds.

Your arms become strangers.

Your face refuses to reflect who you feel like inside.

And here’s the darkest part—

You start to believe you don’t deserve to be seen.

You apologize for existing in pictures.

You hide behind people.

You stop wanting to be touched.

You stop wanting to be looked at.

You avoid going out.

You avoid bathing suit seasons.

You avoid yourself.

The shame settles in your bones.

But somewhere in that shame,

something else grows—

small, quiet, stubborn.

A spark.

Because menopause isn’t just destruction.

It’s transformation.

Like fire.

Yes, it burns everything down.

Your confidence.

Your self-image.

Your sense of control.

Your ability to pretend you’re okay.

But fire isn’t just an ending—

it’s the start of new growth.

A woman at this stage begins to realize

that her worth was never meant to live in her waistline

or her cheekbones

or her youth.

She begins to see the world with sharper eyes,

less patience for bullshit,

and a deeper connection to what actually matters.

Her anger becomes truth.

Her tiredness becomes boundaries.

Her softness becomes wisdom.

Her changing body becomes armor.

She becomes less concerned with being liked

and more concerned with being free.

Menopause does not destroy a woman.

It destroys the version of her

who lived for everyone else’s approval.

The woman who emerges—

slowly, painfully, fiercely—

is someone the world should fear

in the most beautiful way.

Because she no longer exists to be palatable,

or pleasing,

or pretty for someone else’s comfort.

She becomes someone who demands space

even in a world that tried to shrink her.

She becomes the woman who says:

“I am more than what I look like.

I am more than what I lost.

And I will not disappear.”

Menopause did not kill you.

It revealed you.

The world may worship youth

but it fears wisdom.

And this chapter—

this messy, sweaty, aching, infuriating chapter—

is where your wisdom began sharpening its teeth.

The Girl the Darkness Raised: A Memoir of Scarcity, Survival, and Becoming

My Thyroid Is Technically ‘Normal’—So Why Am I Living Inside a Broken Furnace?”

By A.L. Childers


A hilariously chaotic deep dive into why you can have “perfect labs” and still feel like your metabolism is running on two AA batteries. A warm, sarcastic, empowering thyroid blog by bestselling author A.L. Childers.


Welcome back to the Hypothyroid Circus. Part 2.

If you’re reading this, it means one of the following is true:

  1. Your thyroid labs came back “normal,” but you still feel like you’ve been hit by a tranquilizer dart.
  2. You’ve gained three pounds from breathing near a waffle.
  3. You’re exhausted, puffy, irritable, and confused — but your doctor says you’re “fine.”
  4. You needed answers… or validation… or chaos… and here you are.

Either way:
Sit down. Hydrate. Breathe. I’ve got you.

I’m A.L. Childers — your thyroid guide, your hormonal hype-woman, and the unofficial spokesperson for “Why Am I Like This?” Syndrome.

Let’s begin.


Your Labs Are Normal Because the System Is Not Built for Women

The medical establishment still treats hypothyroidism like it’s 1958.

Back when:

  • doctors smoked in your exam room
  • Women were called “hysterical”
  • and TSH was considered the holy grail

Meanwhile, your body is performing an entire opera of symptoms:

  • heart palpitations
  • insomnia
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • cold hands
  • weight gain
  • constipation
  • hair loss
  • brain fog so thick you forget your own ZIP code

But medical professionals look you dead in the face and say:
“Your TSH is in range.”

Great.
Wonderful.
Glorious.

Can someone tell that to my metabolism, who left the chat?


Your Thyroid Isn’t Slow. It’s Held Hostage.

Hypothyroidism isn’t laziness. It’s not age. It’s not “just hormones.”

It is:

  • cellular stress
  • inflammation
  • endocrine miscommunication
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • cortisol sabotage
  • insulin drama
  • estrogen chaos
  • gut rebellion

Your thyroid doesn’t wake up one day and decide,
“You know what? I think I’ll just shut the whole system down for fun.”

It’s overwhelmed.
Like you.
Like every woman carrying a household, a job, a family, and her sanity in an old Dollar Tree tote bag.


Why You Still Can’t Lose Weight: The Sequel (aka “The Hormones Strike Back”)

Let’s review the hormonal cast of characters currently ruining your life:

Cortisol
Likes to release fat-storing signals while you’re:

  • lying still
  • minding your business
  • trying to heal
  • sleeping
  • watching TV
  • or doing absolutely nothing

Insulin
Stores fat.
Aggressively.
With enthusiasm.
She’s the Oprah of body fat:
“YOU get a fat cell! And YOU get a fat cell!”

Estrogen
Will sometimes help metabolism…
Sometimes ruin your entire existence.
It depends on her mood.

Progesterone
Missing.
Last seen in 2016.

Leptin
Meant to regulate appetite but got a new job ghosting you instead.

Reverse T3
The petty one.
Blocks your thyroid hormones like it’s guarding the club VIP section.

Together, they form the hormonal Avengers — but instead of saving the world, they’re stealing your energy, metabolism, and patience.


Your Doctor Thinks It’s Calories. Your Body Thinks It’s Survival Mode.

If one more medical provider says “eat less, move more,”
Your thyroid is going to spontaneously combust.

Your body isn’t hoarding weight because you’re “lazy.”
It’s storing weight because it thinks you are:

✅ cold
✅ starving
✅ stressed
✅ sick
✅ running from danger
✅ living inside a famine simulation

It’s not your fault.

Your biology is trying to save your life.

It just doesn’t understand that your biggest threat in 2025 is:

  • emails
  • toxic people
  • corporate America
  • and gluten

You’re Not Crazy — Your Hormones Are Unsupervised Toddlers

You’re forgetful?
That’s thyroid fog.

You’re emotional?
That’s hormones staging a coup.

You’re exhausted but can’t sleep?
That’s cortisol jumping on the bed.

You’re hungry after eating?
That’s leptin sending you straight to jail.

You feel swollen?
Inflammation is hosting a pool party.

None of this is in your imagination.
Your body is just currently being operated by a team of unsupervised toddlers with glitter fingers and zero remorse.


A Note to Every Woman Who Has Ever Felt Dismissed

If you’ve ever been told:

  • “You’re just tired.”
  • “You’re getting older.”
  • “Your labs are normal.”
  • “It’s anxiety.”
  • “Maybe try dieting harder.”

Let me say this clearly:

You are not dramatic.
You are not imagining it.
You are not the problem.

The problem is a broken system that refuses to treat thyroid disease with nuance, depth, updated science, or empathy.

That’s why I write the way I do — with humor, sharp edges, and unapologetic truth.

Someone has to tell women the real story.


About the Author — A.L. CHILDERS

A.L. Childers is the unapologetic voice of thyroid truth — a bestselling author, researcher, storyteller, and advocate for women who have been dismissed, gaslit, ignored, or misdiagnosed.

She is known for turning complex thyroid science into relatable, hilarious content that makes women feel seen, validated, and empowered.

Her books include:
Hashimoto’s Crockpot Recipes
Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan
Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance
A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism
✅ AND bestselling fiction + historical works under A.L. Childers

Her mission is simple:
Help women understand their bodies, reclaim their health, and stop letting outdated medicine write their story for them.

Read more at TheHypothyroidismChick.com
Support her work by exploring her books — every purchase helps her continue writing life-changing truth for women everywhere.


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#ThyroidGoddess
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#ALChilders


Disclaimer

This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice. Consult a healthcare professional for personalized care.

Why Your Thyroid Medication Is Working… But Your Metabolism Quit Its Job Anyway”

By A.L. Childers


A sarcastic, painfully honest, laugh-while-you-cry look at why thyroid medication alone doesn’t magically make weight fall off. Hypothyroidism, hormones, metabolism chaos, and real solutions — told with humor, truth, and Carolina attitude.


If weight loss was as simple as ‘just take your thyroid pill,’ we’d all be out here looking like supermodels.

But if you’re a hypothyroidism patient?

You know the truth:

Your thyroid can be “in range,” “optimized,” “stable,” “fine,” and “perfect on paper”…
while your jeans still feel like they were sewn by Satan himself.

And when you tell your doctor,
“I’m gaining weight even though I’m doing everything right,”
They respond with the classic:

“Well… calories in, calories out.”

Sir.
Ma’am.
Respectfully, my hormones are not obeying the laws of physics right now.

Let’s talk about why thyroid meds don’t magically turn you into a calorie-burning dragon — even though the bottle swears it should.

And let’s do it with honesty, science, and the appropriate amount of sarcasm this topic deserves.


Your Thyroid Isn’t the Only Hormone in the Group Chat

Thyroid meds can replace the hormones your thyroid should be making.
Cool. Wonderful. Great.

But your body is not a one-hormone operation.

You’ve also got:

  • Cortisol (the “I’m stressed to the point of madness” hormone)
  • Insulin (the “store everything as fat instantly” hormone)
  • Estrogen (the drama queen)
  • Leptin (the appetite manager who is permanently on lunch break)
  • Progesterone (missing; presumed dead)

Your thyroid pill is doing its job.
The rest of your hormones?
They’re throwing a foam-party rave in your metabolism and forgot to invite your sanity.


Your Metabolism Is Running Windows 95

Hypothyroidism slows EVERYTHING down — including how fast you burn calories at rest.

Even with medication, it doesn’t instantly go back to “factory settings.”

You upgrade from:

Metabolism: Sloth Mode
to
Metabolism: Slightly Faster Sloth Mode

And if you’ve been hypothyroid for years or misdiagnosed for a decade?

Your metabolism needs more than a pill.
It needs:

  • protein
  • muscle
  • consistent meals
  • proper sleep
  • balanced cortisol
  • nourishment
  • boundaries with people who stress you into a flare

A thyroid pill cannot fix a lifetime of surviving instead of thriving.

It helps — but it’s not a wand.


Inflammation Has Entered the Chat

Inflammation in hypothyroidism =
The body is holding onto weight like it’s preparing for the Great Depression 2.0.

You can be:
✅ eating clean
✅ walking
✅ hydrating
✅ doing everything “right”

And inflammation still says:
“Actually, I’m going to keep this water weight, fat, puffiness and bloat.
For emergencies. Mind your business.”

Medication helps lower inflammation — but not if:

  • Your sleep is trash
  • Your cortisol is a circus
  • You’re under-eating
  • Your gut is inflamed
  • You’re nutrient-deficient
  • You’re stressed 23 hours a day

Thyroid meds can’t fight inflammation alone.
It takes a whole lifestyle shift — not the kind Instagram influencers pretend to do for 48 hours.


Reverse T3 Ruins Lives

RT3 = the hormone your body makes when it is:

  • stressed
  • underfed
  • inflamed
  • dealing with chronic illness
  • living in survival mode

RT3 basically grabs your thyroid hormones and says:

“Oh no, sweetie, you’re not doing anything today.”

If you’ve ever felt:

  • exhausted
  • puffy
  • foggy
  • slow
  • heavy
  • depressed
  • frozen despite meds

Congratulations — you’re familiar with RT3 sabotage.

And guess what?

Your medication can be perfect…
But if RT3 is high, you still feel hypothyroid.


Your Thyroid Medication Doesn’t Replace Self-Advocacy

Let’s be real:

Half of hypothyroid weight issues come from doctors saying:

  • “Your labs are fine.”
  • “It’s just aging.”
  • “Eat less, move more.”
  • “Your symptoms aren’t thyroid-related.”
  • “You just need a multivitamin.”
  • “Are you sure it’s not anxiety?”

Meanwhile, your body is yelling:
“HELLO? I AM DYING AND SWELLING AT THE SAME TIME.”

Medication is ONE piece of the puzzle.
Getting the RIGHT medication, RIGHT dosage, and the RIGHT labs is another puzzle entirely.

You need:

  • Free T3
  • Free T4
  • TSH
  • Reverse T3
  • Thyroid antibodies
  • Ferritin
  • Vitamin D
  • Cortisol
  • B12
  • Insulin

If your doctor only orders TSH?

You’re being treated like a thyroid from 1952.


So, Why Don’t Thyroid Meds Guarantee Weight Loss?

Because hypothyroidism is not just a thyroid disorder.

It is:

  • metabolic
  • hormonal
  • inflammatory
  • neurological
  • nutritional
  • emotional
  • stress-driven

The thyroid is the conductor.

But honey, the whole orchestra is drunk.


The Good News (Yes, There’s Good News)

Your body CAN lose weight again.
It CAN heal.
It CAN rebalance.

But you need:
✅ the right labs
✅ the right medication
✅ nourishment (not restriction)
✅ protein
✅ muscle stimulation
✅ inflammation reduction
✅ cortisol management
✅ gut support
✅ patience (ugh)

Your thyroid isn’t broken.
It’s overwhelmed.

Just like you.


About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling multi-genre author known for combining humor, truth, and science to help women understand hypothyroidism, hormones, and the chaos they cause. She writes from lived experience and years of research, giving women validation and answers they rarely get in a doctor’s office.

Find her books on Amazon under A.L. Childers
Visit her blog: TheHypothyroidismChick.com

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers


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#ThyroidTruth
#HypothyroidHumor
#HormoneChaos
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#HashimotosLife
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#ThyroidJourney


Disclaimer

This blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not provide medical advice. Consult a qualified healthcare provider for personalized medical guidance.

“If My Hormones Were Co-Workers, They’d All Be Fired—A Menopause Survival Guide for Women Whose Bodies Mutinied.”


(Featuring: Chaos, Hot Flashes, Betrayal, and a Shocked Thyroid Watching It All Unfold Like a Viewer on HBO)


Let me just say it plainly:
My hormones should NOT be employed.

If they worked in an office?
HR would’ve escorted them out YEARS ago.

These are not dedicated employees.
These are feral raccoons in business casual.

And I say this as a woman who has walked the full endocrine journey:

✅ Hypothyroidism
✅ Perimenopause
✅ Menopause
✅ Whatever THIS phase is now (I call it “The Sleepy Hot Flash Era”)

Life has become one long staff meeting where no one does their job and someone keeps turning the thermostat to Hades.

Welcome to my daily hormone workplace.


Meet My Internal Staff: A Complete Disaster

1. Estrogen – The Employee Who Quit but Still Comes in Randomly to Stir Drama

Estrogen used to be reliable.
She showed up every day, on time, moisturized, productive.

Then one morning she walked into my metaphorical office like:

“I’m done. Here’s my badge.”

But does she actually leave?

No.

She pops back in once a month like:
“MISS ME??”
and then leaves again for 10 days.

She’s unstable, unpredictable, and wearing a crop top at 48.
She can’t be trusted.


2. Progesterone – The Employee on Permanent Vacation

Progesterone used to balance everything.

She was the calm one.
The stabilizer.
The “let’s not cry over spilled coffee” voice of reason.

And then perimenopause hit.

Progesterone walked in wearing sunglasses, holding a margarita, and said:
“I’m moving to Mexico.”

She visits occasionally.
Mostly to say her flight is delayed.


3. Testosterone – The Co-Worker Who Shows Up Like a Tornado

Women don’t talk about this enough.

One day I had:

  • normal patience
  • normal libido
  • normal skin
  • normal emotions

Then out of nowhere, testosterone barged in yelling:
“TIME TO BE AGGRESSIVE AND GROW CHIN HAIRS!”

Sir, calm down.

You are in the wrong cubicle.

Some days he doesn’t show up at all.
Other days he’s operating a forklift indoors for no reason.


4. Cortisol – The One Making Everything Worse

Cortisol is the co-worker who thinks EVERYTHING is urgent.

A text message?
PANIC.

The dryer buzzed?
PANIC.

Someone walked too loudly?
PANIC.

She is the drama.

Cortisol has been running around the office, setting fires and screaming into walkie-talkies since perimenopause began.

Between her and estrogen, it’s giving “Thelma & Louise drive off the cliff energy.”


5. Thyroid – The Employee Who Was Already Burnt Out Before Menopause Showed Up

My thyroid is sitting at its desk like:
“I cannot deal with these new hires.”

Hypothyroidism is already a full-time workplace tragedy.

But menopause?
Menopause walked in and said:

“Let’s make the thyroid’s job harder.”

My thyroid has not recovered since 2014.
It is in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth, clutching my labs.


How Hypothyroidism + Perimenopause + Menopause Work Together

Short answer: They don’t.
Long answer: They actively sabotage one another.

Hypothyroidism says:
“I have no energy.”

Perimenopause says:
“I have ALL the emotions.”

Menopause says:
“I have none of the emotions.”

Estrogen says:
“I’m leaving.”

Progesterone says:
“I’ve already left.”

The thyroid says:
“I wasn’t even told there was a meeting.”

And testosterone says:
“CHIN HAIR TIME!”

It’s a circus—
and I’m the ringmaster,
the clown,
AND the exhausted lady selling overpriced snacks.


The Stages of Hormone Co-Worker Collapse

Stage 1: Perimenopause – When HR Starts Losing the Files

Random periods.
Mood swings.
Night sweats.
Sadness over commercials.
Rage over spoons dropping.
Forgotten words.
Hunger that feels spiritual.

Perimenopause is basically:
“Are you okay?”
“No.”


Stage 2: Menopause – When Management Finally Gives Up

The mood swings calm down.
The chaos slows.
You start realizing:

“Oh.
This quiet… feels… suspicious.”

You’re not crazy anymore.
Just hot.
All the time.
Like you swallowed a space heater.

Your sleep?
Gone.
Your metabolism?
Fled the country.
Your patience?
On life support.

You’re calm…
but ready to fight if necessary.


Stage 3: Post-Menopause – The Enlightened Warrior Stage

This is when women become unstoppable.

Your hormones?
Gone.

Your standards?
High.

Your energy?
Selective.

Your boundaries?
Ironclad.

Your fashion?
Comfort over everything.

Your tolerance for nonsense?
ZERO.

This is the phase where women become legends.


Why My Hormones Would Be Fired

✅ They don’t show up consistently.

✅ They lie on paperwork.

✅ They make emotional decisions without consulting me.

✅ They violate the company thermostat policy constantly.

✅ They harass the thyroid.

✅ They cause workplace chaos daily.

✅ They unionized without approval.

✅ They steal my sleep.

✅ They ignore memos.

✅ And they make the rest of the office (my body) miserable.

This is grounds for immediate termination.

But HR says:
“There are no replacements.”

Great.
So I have to keep these raggedy employees until death.

Awesome.


About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author writing across humor, thyroid health, women’s empowerment, political satire, metaphysics, folklore, romance, and creative fiction. She has published over 200 books and continues to write for every woman who has ever felt exhausted, misunderstood, or on fire from the inside out.


About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

And more available on Amazon

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

The Hidden Empire

The Forbidden Gospel of John: From Sinai to Nicaea and the Prison of Flesh

Archons: Unveiling the Parasitic Entities Shaping Human Thoughts

The Girl in the Mirror Is Thirteen Again

A Woman’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition)


Disclaimer

This blog is humor and experience-based. It is not medical advice and should not replace professional healthcare guidance. Always consult your licensed provider for medical evaluation.

A long, hilarious, sarcastic deep-dive into perimenopause, menopause, and hypothyroidism—told as if your hormones are incompetent co-workers who deserve termination. Warm tone, professional humor, SEO-packed thyroid + menopause blog by A.L. Childers.

If My Thyroid Had a Yelp Review… It Would Be 1 Star and Flagged as “Fraudulent Activity.”

(A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice)

I have decided that if businesses can be reviewed on Yelp, so can internal organs.
Specifically, my thyroid.

Because if restaurants get held accountable for soggy fries,
then my thyroid should face judgment for wrecking my metabolism, emotions, and entire personality.

So here it is.

My official thyroid Yelp review.

Spoiler: It’s not glowing.


1 Star. Do Not Recommend.

Reviewed by: A very tired woman
Service Provided: Metabolism, mood regulation, hair retention, life force
Status: Closed for renovation since 2007

The Review:

I would give zero stars if possible.

I arrived at my body expecting normal endocrine service.
Simple things. Nothing dramatic.

  • Basic energy
  • Basic metabolism
  • Basic emotional stability
  • A functioning thermostat

Instead, I received:

  • Constant fatigue
  • A metabolism moving at sloth speed
  • Emotional whiplash
  • Random swelling
  • Hair shedding like a husky in July
  • Dry skin that could sand a table

This place is a scam.


Cleanliness: 1/5

Why does my thyroid feel like it’s filled with dust, betrayal, and 12 unhealed childhood traumas?

I didn’t order this.


Wait Time: 0/5

It takes six to nine months to get a diagnosis because doctors assume your fatigue is “laziness,” “stress,” or “being a woman.”

Great.
Love that for us.

The wait time for feeling normal again?
Approximately 3–5 business years.


Customer Service: -4/5

I have called multiple times.
My thyroid does not answer.

It ghosts me constantly.

When it does respond, it says things like:

“Maybe take a nap?”

“Have you tried eating better?”

“Let’s shut down your metabolism for fun.”

This is harassment.


Food Quality: 1/5

Apparently everything I eat is now stored forever.
I had one pretzel five days ago and I’m still bloated.

My thyroid must be running a “zero digestion, all storage” operation.

Is anyone regulating this establishment?


Atmosphere: 1/5

The vibes are rancid.

Inside my body it feels like:

  • A haunted house
  • A broken vending machine
  • A Walmart at 2 AM
  • The week before Mercury retrograde

Disappointing ambiance overall.


Staff: 2/5

The supporting employees (adrenals, pituitary gland, nervous system) seem exhausted from overcompensating.

Honestly, they deserve a raise.

Meanwhile my thyroid sits in the back room on break.


Menu Options:

What I want to order:

  • Energy
  • Good mood
  • Clear thoughts
  • Weight loss
  • Thick hair
  • Normal body temperature

What I receive:

  • Tired
  • Cold
  • Sad
  • Confused
  • Bloated
  • Balding

This is false advertising.


Pricing: 10/5

This is the most expensive broken organ I’ve ever owned.

It costs:

  • Thousands in supplements
  • Hundreds in tests
  • Therapy
  • Two missed appointments
  • A personality shift
  • A social life
  • My will to live

Zero coupons.
Zero loyalty points.


Would I Return?

I don’t have a choice.


What Hypothyroidism Would Say in Response (If It Responded at All)

“Hi, thanks for your feedback!
We’re sorry you feel this way.

We are currently experiencing high call volume due to chronic inflammation and the universe being rude.

Your suffering is important to us.

Please allow 6 to 12 months for symptom improvement.
Have you tried yoga?”

Absolutely not.
I am boycotting this business.


Additional Reviews From Other Organs

Adrenal Glands:
“Management refuses to hire more staff. We are overwhelmed. SOS.”

Pituitary Gland:
“I just work here.”

Immune System:
“We got carried away. Sorry.”

Hair Follicles:
“Her? We quit.”


Final Verdict:

My thyroid is the worst employee I’ve ever hired.
It has:

  • Poor performance
  • No accountability
  • A history of misconduct
  • Zero work ethic
  • Frequent absences
  • And keeps sending emotional HR complaints

But like every tired woman with hypothyroidism…
I’ll continue dragging myself through life,
supplements in one hand,
caffeine in the other,
praying this useless gland decides to clock in again someday.


About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers



Disclaimer

This blog is humor based on lived experiences and research. It is not medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.


A long, brutally funny, painfully accurate sarcastic blog where hypothyroidism is reviewed like a terrible business on Yelp. Dark humor, women’s health truth bombs, and thyroid comedy by A.L. Childers.

A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back

(Because one betrayal wasn’t dramatic enough.)

If you’re reading this, congratulations.

You’ve survived another round of thyroid foolishness.

Your gland has betrayed you once,
possibly twice,
and for many of us—
it’s now working on betrayal attempt number 37.

Welcome to the sequel.

This is basically “The Empire Strikes Back,”
except instead of Darth Vader,
you’re battling a marshmallow-sized body part
that can’t decide whether it wants to:

  • keep you awake until 3 AM
  • put you in a coma at 3 PM
  • make you hot
  • make you cold
  • make you cry
  • make you homicidal
  • or make you eat three bags of popcorn in silence while contemplating the meaning of life

Hypothyroidism is not a condition. It’s a lifestyle the thyroid chooses for you.

And just like any good sequel,
things escalate.

Symptoms get bolder.
Mood swings get spicier.
Fatigue becomes a personality trait.
Hair shedding becomes a hobby.

And your thyroid?
Oh, your thyroid is sitting inside your neck
like a disgruntled employee
who showed up to work
specifically to do nothing.

My thyroid in the sequel:
“I’m ready to underperform with consistency.”

The betrayal hits different the second time around.

First time, you’re shocked.

Second time?

You’re annoyed.
You’re seasoned.
You’re emotionally prepared.
You’ve memorized your lab ranges like Bible verses.
You start speaking fluent Endocrinology.

You walk into your doctor’s office like:
“Hi. I’m here for my annual gaslighting.”

Your doctor reviews your labs and says,
“Everything looks normal.”

And you say,
“Actually, Dr. Patterson, I haven’t felt normal since Obama’s first term.”

The sequel includes brand-new side quests.

In part one, the symptoms were subtle.

In part two?
You unlock the expansion pack.

✅ New Symptoms:

  • Random body swelling
  • Phantom sadness
  • Feeling 89 years old at age 45
  • Heart palpitations for no reason
  • 23 different food intolerances
  • Sleeping 8 hours and waking up exhausted anyway
  • Brain fog that makes you forget what you forgot
  • And of course—
    the weight gain that arrives even when you’re fasting, praying, and eating like a monk

Your thyroid sees you trying.
Your thyroid laughs.

The hormones get petty in the sequel.

Your estrogen says, “Let’s be dramatic.”
Your cortisol says, “Let’s panic.”
Your progesterone says, “I’m going on break.”
Your thyroid says, “I never returned from the last one.”

All four of them together?
A chaotic girl band.
No harmony.
No unity.
No rhythm.
Just vibes.

You become a master detective.

With hypothyroidism part two, you develop skills.

You can now:

  • Diagnose yourself using intuition and Google
  • Identify fatigue from 100 feet away
  • Predict weather based on your swelling
  • Sense when your medication dose is off
  • Cry in your car with Olympic-level form
  • Find gluten hiding anywhere
  • Smell fake friends and low iron instantly

You’re basically the Nancy Drew of Hormonal Dysfunction.

And yet—you’re stronger now.

Despite the sequel’s chaos,
you’ve adapted.

You’re resilient.
You’re hilarious.
You’re intuitive.
You’re spiritually upgraded.
You’re one meltdown away from enlightenment.

Because women with hypothyroidism?

We evolve like Pokémon.

Slower, yes.
Tired, yes.
Hungry, always.
But wiser.

The truth is… you survived both betrayals.

And you’re still here:

  • Holding your supplements like sacred relics
  • Drinking water like it’s a full-time job
  • Googling symptoms like a scholar
  • Advocating for yourself like a warrior
  • Laughing through the exhaustion like a champion

And that’s why the sequel had to be written.

You deserve applause.
A trophy.
A stipend.
A break.
A functioning metabolism.
At least one of those things.

Preferably the last one.


About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers



Disclaimer

This blog is humorous and experience-based. It is not medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your licensed healthcare provider for personal health concerns.

“A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice: The Thyroid Strikes Back.”


A long, sarcastic, warm-toned comedic blog about life with hypothyroidism—the sequel no one asked for but every thyroid warrior desperately needs. Written by A.L. Childers.


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#Hypothyroidism #Hashimotos #ThyroidHumor #ChronicIllnessComedy #ThyroidProblems #ALChilders