Tag Archives: womens-health

How to Fix Hormonal Acne Without Medication

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Struggling with hormonal acne? Learn how thyroid imbalances, gut issues, stress, and inflammation trigger breakouts—and discover natural remedies that work without harsh medication.


Women don’t just get acne.
We get hormonal acne —
the deep, painful, embarrassing kind that sits under the skin and feels like it’s pulsing with betrayal.

It’s NOT because you’re dirty.
It’s NOT because you eat chocolate.
And it’s NOT because you don’t wash your face enough.

Hormonal acne is a symptom — not a flaw.

It’s your body saying:

“Something is off internally.
Please listen.”

Especially if you have:

  • hypothyroidism
  • Hashimoto’s
  • irregular periods
  • PMS
  • gut issues
  • chronic stress
  • blood sugar swings
  • perimenopause

Your skin is not the problem.
Your hormones are.

Let’s talk about it openly, honestly, and without shame.

🔥 The Real Causes of Hormonal Acne

Hormonal acne doesn’t happen randomly.
It comes from internal imbalance — usually 4 major ones.

Let’s break them down:

✨ 1. Low Thyroid Function (YES — Thyroid Causes Acne)

Hypothyroidism slows:

  • detox pathways
  • liver function
  • lymphatic drainage
  • circulation
  • skin turnover
  • hormone clearance

This creates:

  • clogged pores
  • dull skin
  • cystic acne
  • inflammation
  • “jawline acne”

Women with hypothyroidism often get acne even if they never had acne as teens.

✨ 2. High Androgens (Hormones Going Rogue)

If you get acne on:

  • jawline
  • chin
  • cheeks
  • neck
  • upper back

That’s androgen-driven.

Symptoms of high androgens:

  • chin hair
  • irregular periods
  • mood swings
  • thinning hair
  • oily skin
  • cystic acne

Your hormones are yelling for help.

✨ 3. Gut Imbalance (The Silent Acne Trigger)

If your gut is inflamed → your skin is inflamed.

Acne often comes from:

  • low stomach acid
  • candida
  • constipation
  • bloating
  • SIBO
  • leaky gut

Your skin mirrors your digestion.

✨ 4. Blood Sugar Chaos

If you crave sweets before your period?
If you get shaky between meals?
If you crash at 3pm?

Your blood sugar is unstable.

Result:

  • breakouts
  • cystic acne
  • hormonal inflammation

Sugar feeds acne like miracle grow.

🔥 Now Let’s Fix It — Naturally

These are not quick TikTok hacks.
These are REAL hormone-healing tools.

✨ 1. The Hormone-Support Breakfast (Fixes 50% of Acne)

Eat a real breakfast within 1 hour of waking:

Include:

  • protein
  • healthy fat
  • complex carbs

Examples:

  • eggs + avocado + berries
  • protein oats
  • turkey sausage + cooked apples
  • Greek yogurt + fruit + chia

Skipping breakfast destroys women’s hormones.

✨ 2. Seed Cycling for Hormone Balance

Ancient remedy.
Women have used this for centuries.

Days 1–14 (Follicular Phase):

  • 1 tbsp pumpkin seeds
  • 1 tbsp flax seeds

Days 15–28 (Luteal Phase):

  • 1 tbsp sesame seeds
  • 1 tbsp sunflower seeds

Balances:

  • estrogen
  • progesterone
  • acne
  • PMS

Your skin will THANK YOU.

✨ 3. Heal the Gut → Heal the Skin

Start with:

  • apple cider vinegar (before meals)
  • digestive enzymes
  • ginger tea
  • bone broth
  • fermented foods
  • fiber-rich meals

If your gut is backed up —
your skin will handle the overflow.

✨ 4. Fix Your Liver (Your Hormone Filter)

Signs your liver is overloaded:

  • acne
  • migraines
  • PMS
  • bloating
  • irritability
  • tenderness under ribs

Support your liver with:

  • lemon water
  • cooked greens
  • turmeric
  • ginger
  • castor oil packs

Your liver is your real skincare routine.

✨ 5. Magnesium (The Acne-Calming Mineral)

Magnesium:

  • reduces inflammation
  • balances hormones
  • calms the nervous system
  • improves sleep

Use:

  • magnesium glycinate
  • magnesium malate

✨ 6. Zinc (Nature’s Antibiotic)

Zinc:

  • supports thyroid
  • reduces inflammation
  • clears acne
  • heals gut
  • boosts progesterone

Most women are deficient.

✨ 7. Stay AWAY from fragrances

This is the secret one.

Fragrance in:

  • lotions
  • makeup
  • perfume
  • shampoo
  • detergent

Disrupts hormones.
This alone can clear acne for some women.

✨ When to Expect Results

Your skin will start improving when your hormones improve.

Most women see:

  • less inflammation in 3–5 days
  • fewer breakouts in 10–14 days
  • skin clarity in 30–45 days

You’re not stuck.
You’re just imbalanced — and imbalances can be fixed.

✨ Want to Heal Hormones, Thyroid & Skin From the Inside Out?

These books were created for women’s health — from the inside out.

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

 Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism

Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance

The Lies We Loved : How Advertising Invented America

The Hidden Empire

Nightmare Legends
The Girl the Darkness Raised: A Memoir of Scarcity, Survival, and Becoming

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026)

Whispers in the Wires

You don’t have to suffer through this alone.
Your skin is telling a story — and that story can change.

✨ Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Always consult a healthcare provider for diagnosis and treatment.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A.L. Childers is a bestselling author and researcher who specializes in women’s health, hormones, and thyroid healing. Through her books and blog, she helps women understand their bodies and reclaim their confidence naturally.

Your Period Is Trying to Tell You Something

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(Especially If You’re Hypothyroid)
By A.L. Childers


If your period has changed, worsened, become painful, irregular, heavy, or unpredictable, your thyroid may be sending you warnings. Learn the signs, root causes, and how to restore hormonal balance naturally.


Your period is not just a period.

It’s a report card from your body.

Women are raised to believe their period is just an inconvenience.
Something to hide.
Something to push through.
Something to medicate, silence, or shame.

But your menstrual cycle is your fifth vital sign.
Just as important as pulse, temperature, or blood pressure.

And when your thyroid is struggling?
Your period is the first thing to warn you.

Your period is trying to tell you something.

🔥 What Your Period Says About Your Thyroid

Most women don’t realize this, but your thyroid controls:

  • ovulation
  • progesterone production
  • estrogen clearance
  • PMS intensity
  • clotting
  • cramping
  • cycle length
  • breast tenderness
  • mood swings

So when your thyroid slows down… so does EVERYTHING.

Here’s what your period might be saying:

🔥 1. “Your thyroid is low.” — Heavy or Clotty Periods

If your period feels like:

  • flooding
  • clotting
  • changing pads hourly
  • losing large amounts of blood

That’s a classic sign of:
low thyroid + low progesterone + high estrogen.

Your body is not supposed to bleed like that.

🔥 2. “Your ovulation is off.” — Long Cycles (35–60 days)

Hypothyroidism can delay ovulation.
Delayed ovulation = delayed period.

It’s not irregular.
It’s slow.

Just like everything else in hypothyroidism.

🔥 3. “Your stress hormones are too high.” — Short Cycles (21–25 days)

This is adrenal burnout mixed with thyroid dysfunction.

Your body is saying:
“I don’t feel safe to carry a pregnancy, so I’m cycling faster.”

Women with thyroid issues see this constantly.

🔥 4. “Your hormones are imbalanced.” — Missing Periods

Amenorrhea is not just:

  • stress
  • age
  • randomness

It’s often:

  • low thyroid
  • low progesterone
  • high cortisol
  • nutrient deficiencies
  • long-term inflammation

Your body is conserving energy.

🔥 5. “Your liver is overwhelmed.” — Bad PMS

Your liver clears used hormones.
If it’s slacking?

You will feel EVERYTHING:

  • rage
  • crying spells
  • breast pain
  • water retention
  • bloating
  • insomnia
  • migraines
  • cravings

Sound familiar?

🔥 6. “Your body needs support.” — Extreme Fatigue Before or During Period

Women with thyroid issues crash HARD the week before their cycle.

Your body is doing double work:

  • hormonal shifts
  • low thyroid function

This leaves you tired, foggy, and heavy.

🔥 So How Do You Support Your Period (and Thyroid)?

Here are the 6 proven steps that work FAST:

✨ 1. Eat More REAL Carbs

Your hormones NEED:

  • sweet potatoes
  • berries
  • apples
  • carrots
  • oatmeal
  • lentils

Low-carb diets RUIN women’s hormones.

✨ 2. Fix Your Magnesium Levels

If your period is painful → you’re magnesium deficient.

Try:

  • magnesium glycinate
  • magnesium spray
  • Epsom salt baths

✨ 3. Support Liver Detox

Your liver clears estrogen.

Do this:

  • lemon water
  • fermented foods
  • reduce dairy
  • eat cruciferous veggies (COOKED)
  • drink more water

✨ 4. Increase Progesterone Naturally

Progesterone is the calm, soothing, stabilizing hormone.

Boost it with:

  • vitamin B6
  • zinc
  • healthy fats
  • lowering cortisol
  • eating before caffeine

✨ 5. Reduce Stress (your hormones FEEL everything)

Try:

  • walking after meals
  • grounding
  • deep breathing
  • journaling
  • choosing peace on purpose

✨ 6. Fix Your Thyroid Numbers

Your period won’t regulate until your thyroid does.

Look at:

  • TSH
  • Free T3
  • Free T4
  • Reverse T3
  • TPO antibodies

Your hormone healing starts with thyroid healing.

✨ Want More Women’s Hormone Support?

It’s why I write the books I write — to help women FIX their bodies, not fight them.

Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism

Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance

Everything I create is for women like you — women who deserve answers.

✨ Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and not medical advice. Always discuss health decisions with your provider.

✨ About the Author — A.L. Childers

A bestselling author, researcher, and women’s health advocate. After years of autoimmune illness, trauma, and misdiagnosis, she healed naturally—and now dedicates her life to helping other women reclaim their health, hormones, and power.

Surviving Menopause in a World That Worships Youth

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When Your Body Changes and the World Looks Away

Menopause doesn’t arrive like a visitor.

It intrudes.

One day you wake up and realize the body you’ve lived in your whole life

has begun to turn into something unfamiliar—

a creature molting in slow, messy spirals.

Your skin feels different.

Your face looks different.

Your mood shifts like the weather in tornado season.

Your weight rearranges itself without permission,

like your body is a house being redecorated

by someone who hates you.

It starts quietly:

A hot flash here.

A forgotten word there.

A sudden tearful breakdown in the grocery store parking lot

because they were out of your favorite creamer

and it was the last small thing holding your sanity together.

Then it gets louder.

Your hormones start operating with the precision of a drunk drummer.

Your metabolism quits like it’s clocking out early.

Your waistline expands without warning,

as if fat is being delivered by Amazon Prime

to places you’ve never stored it before.

There’s a moment—

and every woman knows it—

when you catch your reflection and feel a jolt of horror

because for the first time

you don’t recognize the woman in front of you.

Her face is fuller.

Her eyes are tired.

Her jawline softer.

Her neck different.

Her entire presence altered

in a way that feels like a violation.

“Is this me now?”

you whisper at the mirror,

as if asking it permission to still exist.

Youth is currency in this world.

And menopause feels like someone emptying your bank account

without warning.

No one prepares you for the grief.

Not the grief for youth itself—

but the grief for the version of yourself

you thought you’d have a little longer.

You start mourning things that aren’t dead:

Your smaller jeans.

Your faster metabolism.

Your glowing skin.

Your confidence in being looked at without flinching.

Your ability to feel sexy without choking on insecurity.

But the cruelest part?

The world doesn’t mourn with you.

Society treats aging women like expired coupons—

once useful, now ignored.

Men get “distinguished.”

Women get “let go.”

And every time you feel invisible,

every time you feel dismissed,

every time you feel replaced by someone younger

and firmer

and smoother,

another small crack forms inside you.

Menopause is not just physical.

It is a psychological haunting.

Your brain fog becomes a fog inside your identity.

Your mood swings feel like emotional possession.

Your libido disappears like a witness in a mob movie.

Your sleep breaks into fragments—

twenty-minute intervals of sweating, freezing, thrashing, thinking,

regretting, overthinking,

and then sweating again.

Your body becomes a battlefield

against itself.

And let’s talk about weight.

No one warns you how humiliating it feels

to gain weight without “earning” it.

Not from overeating.

Not from binging.

Not from laziness.

Just from existing in a body

whose hormones have declared mutiny.

You try everything:

Keto

Low-carb

Low-calorie

Walking

Starving

Crying

Supplements

Prayers

Threats

Mirrors covered

Mirrors uncovered

Clothes donated

Clothes bought

Clothes returned

Google searches at 2 a.m.

“Is it possible for a woman to gain weight simply by looking at bread?”

Nothing makes it stop.

Your thighs soften.

Your stomach rounds.

Your arms become strangers.

Your face refuses to reflect who you feel like inside.

And here’s the darkest part—

You start to believe you don’t deserve to be seen.

You apologize for existing in pictures.

You hide behind people.

You stop wanting to be touched.

You stop wanting to be looked at.

You avoid going out.

You avoid bathing suit seasons.

You avoid yourself.

The shame settles in your bones.

But somewhere in that shame,

something else grows—

small, quiet, stubborn.

A spark.

Because menopause isn’t just destruction.

It’s transformation.

Like fire.

Yes, it burns everything down.

Your confidence.

Your self-image.

Your sense of control.

Your ability to pretend you’re okay.

But fire isn’t just an ending—

it’s the start of new growth.

A woman at this stage begins to realize

that her worth was never meant to live in her waistline

or her cheekbones

or her youth.

She begins to see the world with sharper eyes,

less patience for bullshit,

and a deeper connection to what actually matters.

Her anger becomes truth.

Her tiredness becomes boundaries.

Her softness becomes wisdom.

Her changing body becomes armor.

She becomes less concerned with being liked

and more concerned with being free.

Menopause does not destroy a woman.

It destroys the version of her

who lived for everyone else’s approval.

The woman who emerges—

slowly, painfully, fiercely—

is someone the world should fear

in the most beautiful way.

Because she no longer exists to be palatable,

or pleasing,

or pretty for someone else’s comfort.

She becomes someone who demands space

even in a world that tried to shrink her.

She becomes the woman who says:

“I am more than what I look like.

I am more than what I lost.

And I will not disappear.”

Menopause did not kill you.

It revealed you.

The world may worship youth

but it fears wisdom.

And this chapter—

this messy, sweaty, aching, infuriating chapter—

is where your wisdom began sharpening its teeth.

The Girl the Darkness Raised: A Memoir of Scarcity, Survival, and Becoming

“If My Hormones Were Co-Workers, They’d All Be Fired—A Menopause Survival Guide for Women Whose Bodies Mutinied.”

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(Featuring: Chaos, Hot Flashes, Betrayal, and a Shocked Thyroid Watching It All Unfold Like a Viewer on HBO)

Let me just say it plainly:
My hormones should NOT be employed.

If they worked in an office?
HR would’ve escorted them out YEARS ago.

These are not dedicated employees.
These are feral raccoons in business casual.

And I say this as a woman who has walked the full endocrine journey:

✅ Hypothyroidism
✅ Perimenopause
✅ Menopause
✅ Whatever THIS phase is now (I call it “The Sleepy Hot Flash Era”)

Life has become one long staff meeting where no one does their job and someone keeps turning the thermostat to Hades.

Welcome to my daily hormone workplace.

Meet My Internal Staff: A Complete Disaster

1. Estrogen – The Employee Who Quit but Still Comes in Randomly to Stir Drama

Estrogen used to be reliable.
She showed up every day, on time, moisturized, productive.

Then one morning she walked into my metaphorical office like:

“I’m done. Here’s my badge.”

But does she actually leave?

No.

She pops back in once a month like:
“MISS ME??”
and then leaves again for 10 days.

She’s unstable, unpredictable, and wearing a crop top at 48.
She can’t be trusted.

2. Progesterone – The Employee on Permanent Vacation

Progesterone used to balance everything.

She was the calm one.
The stabilizer.
The “let’s not cry over spilled coffee” voice of reason.

And then perimenopause hit.

Progesterone walked in wearing sunglasses, holding a margarita, and said:
“I’m moving to Mexico.”

She visits occasionally.
Mostly to say her flight is delayed.

3. Testosterone – The Co-Worker Who Shows Up Like a Tornado

Women don’t talk about this enough.

One day I had:

  • normal patience
  • normal libido
  • normal skin
  • normal emotions

Then out of nowhere, testosterone barged in yelling:
“TIME TO BE AGGRESSIVE AND GROW CHIN HAIRS!”

Sir, calm down.

You are in the wrong cubicle.

Some days he doesn’t show up at all.
Other days he’s operating a forklift indoors for no reason.

4. Cortisol – The One Making Everything Worse

Cortisol is the co-worker who thinks EVERYTHING is urgent.

A text message?
PANIC.

The dryer buzzed?
PANIC.

Someone walked too loudly?
PANIC.

She is the drama.

Cortisol has been running around the office, setting fires and screaming into walkie-talkies since perimenopause began.

Between her and estrogen, it’s giving “Thelma & Louise drive off the cliff energy.”

5. Thyroid – The Employee Who Was Already Burnt Out Before Menopause Showed Up

My thyroid is sitting at its desk like:
“I cannot deal with these new hires.”

Hypothyroidism is already a full-time workplace tragedy.

But menopause?
Menopause walked in and said:

“Let’s make the thyroid’s job harder.”

My thyroid has not recovered since 2014.
It is in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth, clutching my labs.

How Hypothyroidism + Perimenopause + Menopause Work Together

Short answer: They don’t.
Long answer: They actively sabotage one another.

Hypothyroidism says:
“I have no energy.”

Perimenopause says:
“I have ALL the emotions.”

Menopause says:
“I have none of the emotions.”

Estrogen says:
“I’m leaving.”

Progesterone says:
“I’ve already left.”

The thyroid says:
“I wasn’t even told there was a meeting.”

And testosterone says:
“CHIN HAIR TIME!”

It’s a circus—
and I’m the ringmaster,
the clown,
AND the exhausted lady selling overpriced snacks.

The Stages of Hormone Co-Worker Collapse

Stage 1: Perimenopause – When HR Starts Losing the Files

Random periods.
Mood swings.
Night sweats.
Sadness over commercials.
Rage over spoons dropping.
Forgotten words.
Hunger that feels spiritual.

Perimenopause is basically:
“Are you okay?”
“No.”

Stage 2: Menopause – When Management Finally Gives Up

The mood swings calm down.
The chaos slows.
You start realizing:

“Oh.
This quiet… feels… suspicious.”

You’re not crazy anymore.
Just hot.
All the time.
Like you swallowed a space heater.

Your sleep?
Gone.
Your metabolism?
Fled the country.
Your patience?
On life support.

You’re calm…
but ready to fight if necessary.

Stage 3: Post-Menopause – The Enlightened Warrior Stage

This is when women become unstoppable.

Your hormones?
Gone.

Your standards?
High.

Your energy?
Selective.

Your boundaries?
Ironclad.

Your fashion?
Comfort over everything.

Your tolerance for nonsense?
ZERO.

This is the phase where women become legends.

Why My Hormones Would Be Fired

✅ They don’t show up consistently.

✅ They lie on paperwork.

✅ They make emotional decisions without consulting me.

✅ They violate the company thermostat policy constantly.

✅ They harass the thyroid.

✅ They cause workplace chaos daily.

✅ They unionized without approval.

✅ They steal my sleep.

✅ They ignore memos.

✅ And they make the rest of the office (my body) miserable.

This is grounds for immediate termination.

But HR says:
“There are no replacements.”

Great.
So I have to keep these raggedy employees until death.

Awesome.

✅ About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author writing across humor, thyroid health, women’s empowerment, political satire, metaphysics, folklore, romance, and creative fiction. She has published over 200 books and continues to write for every woman who has ever felt exhausted, misunderstood, or on fire from the inside out.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

And more available on Amazon

Hashimoto’s Crock-Pot Recipes

Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan

The Hidden Empire

The Forbidden Gospel of John: From Sinai to Nicaea and the Prison of Flesh

Archons: Unveiling the Parasitic Entities Shaping Human Thoughts

The Girl in the Mirror Is Thirteen Again

A Woman’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s

The Witch’s Almanac Cookbook (2026 Edition)

Disclaimer

This blog is humor and experience-based. It is not medical advice and should not replace professional healthcare guidance. Always consult your licensed provider for medical evaluation.

A long, hilarious, sarcastic deep-dive into perimenopause, menopause, and hypothyroidism—told as if your hormones are incompetent co-workers who deserve termination. Warm tone, professional humor, SEO-packed thyroid + menopause blog by A.L. Childers.

If My Thyroid Had a Yelp Review… It Would Be 1 Star and Flagged as “Fraudulent Activity.”

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(A Sequel for Those Whose Glands Have Betrayed Them Twice)

I have decided that if businesses can be reviewed on Yelp, so can internal organs.
Specifically, my thyroid.

Because if restaurants get held accountable for soggy fries,
then my thyroid should face judgment for wrecking my metabolism, emotions, and entire personality.

So here it is.

My official thyroid Yelp review.

Spoiler: It’s not glowing.

⭐ 1 Star. Do Not Recommend.

Reviewed by: A very tired woman
Service Provided: Metabolism, mood regulation, hair retention, life force
Status: Closed for renovation since 2007

The Review:

I would give zero stars if possible.

I arrived at my body expecting normal endocrine service.
Simple things. Nothing dramatic.

  • Basic energy
  • Basic metabolism
  • Basic emotional stability
  • A functioning thermostat

Instead, I received:

  • Constant fatigue
  • A metabolism moving at sloth speed
  • Emotional whiplash
  • Random swelling
  • Hair shedding like a husky in July
  • Dry skin that could sand a table

This place is a scam.

⭐ Cleanliness: 1/5

Why does my thyroid feel like it’s filled with dust, betrayal, and 12 unhealed childhood traumas?

I didn’t order this.

⭐ Wait Time: 0/5

It takes six to nine months to get a diagnosis because doctors assume your fatigue is “laziness,” “stress,” or “being a woman.”

Great.
Love that for us.

The wait time for feeling normal again?
Approximately 3–5 business years.

⭐ Customer Service: -4/5

I have called multiple times.
My thyroid does not answer.

It ghosts me constantly.

When it does respond, it says things like:

“Maybe take a nap?”

“Have you tried eating better?”

“Let’s shut down your metabolism for fun.”

This is harassment.

⭐ Food Quality: 1/5

Apparently everything I eat is now stored forever.
I had one pretzel five days ago and I’m still bloated.

My thyroid must be running a “zero digestion, all storage” operation.

Is anyone regulating this establishment?

⭐ Atmosphere: 1/5

The vibes are rancid.

Inside my body it feels like:

  • A haunted house
  • A broken vending machine
  • A Walmart at 2 AM
  • The week before Mercury retrograde

Disappointing ambiance overall.

⭐ Staff: 2/5

The supporting employees (adrenals, pituitary gland, nervous system) seem exhausted from overcompensating.

Honestly, they deserve a raise.

Meanwhile my thyroid sits in the back room on break.

⭐ Menu Options:

What I want to order:

  • Energy
  • Good mood
  • Clear thoughts
  • Weight loss
  • Thick hair
  • Normal body temperature

What I receive:

  • Tired
  • Cold
  • Sad
  • Confused
  • Bloated
  • Balding

This is false advertising.

⭐ Pricing: 10/5

This is the most expensive broken organ I’ve ever owned.

It costs:

  • Thousands in supplements
  • Hundreds in tests
  • Therapy
  • Two missed appointments
  • A personality shift
  • A social life
  • My will to live

Zero coupons.
Zero loyalty points.

⭐ Would I Return?

I don’t have a choice.

What Hypothyroidism Would Say in Response (If It Responded at All)

“Hi, thanks for your feedback!
We’re sorry you feel this way.

We are currently experiencing high call volume due to chronic inflammation and the universe being rude.

Your suffering is important to us.

Please allow 6 to 12 months for symptom improvement.
Have you tried yoga?”

Absolutely not.
I am boycotting this business.

Additional Reviews From Other Organs

Adrenal Glands:
“Management refuses to hire more staff. We are overwhelmed. SOS.”

Pituitary Gland:
“I just work here.”

Immune System:
“We got carried away. Sorry.”

Hair Follicles:
“Her? We quit.”

Final Verdict:

My thyroid is the worst employee I’ve ever hired.
It has:

  • Poor performance
  • No accountability
  • A history of misconduct
  • Zero work ethic
  • Frequent absences
  • And keeps sending emotional HR complaints

But like every tired woman with hypothyroidism…
I’ll continue dragging myself through life,
supplements in one hand,
caffeine in the other,
praying this useless gland decides to clock in again someday.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author with over 200 titles, blending humor, health empowerment, supernatural fiction, and women’s real-life struggles into writing that feels raw, hilarious, and healing all at once.

 Books by A.L. Childers

Disclaimer

This blog is humor based on lived experiences and research. It is not medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.


A long, brutally funny, painfully accurate sarcastic blog where hypothyroidism is reviewed like a terrible business on Yelp. Dark humor, women’s health truth bombs, and thyroid comedy by A.L. Childers.

🌿 The Tea That Changed My Thyroid: Natural Ways to Support Hormone Balance

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✨ How I discovered a cup of calm that helped me reset my energy, hormones, and hope.

🌙 My Journey from Fatigue to Flow

If you’ve ever lived with hypothyroidism, you know the exhaustion isn’t just physical — it’s emotional. You wake up tired, drink coffee to feel human, and by afternoon, you’re either wired, foggy, or both. For years, I lived in that loop. Doctors told me my labs were “fine,” but my body whispered otherwise.

That’s when I started experimenting with natural remedies — small, gentle things that spoke to my body instead of fighting it. Herbs, teas, and slow rituals became my medicine. One particular blend changed everything: a tea I now lovingly call “The Thyroid Reset.”

🍵 The Thyroid Reset Tea: What’s Inside and Why It Works

This isn’t a magic potion — it’s a simple, nurturing mix of herbs that support thyroid function, adrenal recovery, and metabolism.

Here’s what makes it powerful:

  • Ashwagandha root — one of nature’s most respected adaptogens. It helps regulate cortisol (your stress hormone), supports thyroid hormone conversion (T4 → T3), and balances mood and energy.
  • Ceylon cinnamon — stabilizes blood sugar and improves circulation, reducing that sluggish “heavy” feeling hypothyroid women know so well.
  • Hibiscus flower — rich in antioxidants, it supports the liver (your thyroid’s detox partner) and gently lowers blood pressure and inflammation.

These three herbs became my daily ritual. I’d simmer them in the morning, sip slowly, and feel my nervous system unclench — almost like my body finally exhaled. Within weeks, I noticed less bloating, steadier energy, and fewer sugar crashes.

It wasn’t a cure. But it was the first time I felt in partnership with my body, not in battle against it.

🩵 The Science Behind Ashwagandha for Thyroid Support

Modern studies have shown that ashwagandha may help improve thyroid hormone levels in people with subclinical hypothyroidism by gently stimulating thyroid activity and reducing inflammation.

Because it also lowers cortisol, it supports the adrenal–thyroid connection — helping your body produce energy naturally instead of through stress-driven surges.

Think of it like this: when your adrenals calm down, your thyroid can finally “breathe” again.

🍯 My Daily Tea Ritual

Ingredients (1 serving):

  • 1 tbsp hibiscus petals
  • ½ tsp Ceylon cinnamon
  • ½ tsp ashwagandha powder
  • 2 cups hot water

Directions:

  1. Boil water and add hibiscus + cinnamon.
  2. Simmer 10 minutes, then remove from heat.
  3. Stir in ashwagandha powder (don’t boil).
  4. Let steep for 5 minutes.
  5. Strain, sip slowly, and breathe deeply with each cup.

Morning is best for energy and hormone balance, but it’s lovely in the evening for adrenal calm too.

🌺 What I Learned

Healing doesn’t always come in a prescription bottle — sometimes it comes in a cup.
We underestimate the power of small, consistent rituals.
This tea became a reminder that healing happens when you make time to listen to yourself.

📚 My Hypothyroidism Books

If you’re on a journey like mine — tired of guessing and ready to heal with truth and simplicity — explore my thyroid wellness books:

Each one shares part of my real-life story and the research-backed natural tools that changed everything for me.

🕯 About the Author

A.L. Childers is a multi-genre author, wellness researcher, and advocate for holistic thyroid healing. Through her books and blog TheHypothyroidismChick.com, she empowers women to reclaim their energy and live intentionally through natural, sustainable self-care.

Follow her journey and access her wellness guides at TheHypothyroidismChick.com.
Tictoc: @breakthematrixaudrey

⚠️ Disclaimer

The information shared here is for educational and inspirational purposes only.
It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or replace professional medical care.
Always consult your healthcare provider before adding herbs or supplements to your routine, especially if you take thyroid, blood pressure, or diabetes medications.

✨ Because healing isn’t about hype — it’s about truth, patience, and what’s already waiting in your cup.

The Tea That Changed My Thyroid — A.L. Childers’ Natural Remedy for Hormone Balance & Energy

Author A.L. Childers shares how a simple thyroid support tea with ashwagandha helped her restore balance, calm her adrenals, and find a natural rhythm for healing.

thyroid support tea, hypothyroidism natural remedy, ashwagandha for thyroid, natural hormone balance, herbal tea for thyroid, hypothyroidism fatigue, adrenal balance, natural healing for thyroid, holistic thyroid support

When Weight Gain After 45 Isn’t “Just Menopause”: Could It Be Your Pituitary Gland?

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For many women, turning 45 feels like crossing an invisible line. You’ve spent decades maintaining a steady weight, only to wake up one day and find your body changing in ways you never expected. Pounds pile on, often in the belly, face, or upper back, and no amount of dieting or exercise seems to help. Most doctors wave it off as “menopause” — but what if the story is bigger than that?

🔎 The Pituitary Gland: Your Body’s Master Switch

The pituitary gland, often called the “master gland,” sits at the base of your brain and controls nearly every hormone system in your body. It regulates:

  • Thyroid function (TSH → T3/T4): the engine of your metabolism.
  • Adrenal function (ACTH → cortisol): stress and belly fat storage.
  • Reproductive hormones (LH, FSH, estrogen, progesterone): tied to cycles, menopause, and bone health.
  • Growth hormone (GH/IGF-1): body composition, muscle tone, and fat distribution.

When the pituitary is disrupted — whether by a small adenoma (benign tumor), inflammation, or imbalance — weight can increase rapidly and feel impossible to control.

⚖️ Menopause vs. Pituitary Dysfunction

Menopause weight gain tends to be gradual, often 5–10 pounds over several years, mostly due to lower estrogen and slower metabolism.

Pituitary-related weight gain, on the other hand, can be:

  • Sudden and dramatic — dozens of pounds in a short period.
  • Resistant to lifestyle changes.
  • Accompanied by other symptoms: headaches, vision changes, extreme fatigue, mood swings, or cycle disruptions before menopause hit.

🧪 What You Can Do if You Suspect More Than Menopause

  1. Request a Full Hormone Panel
    • TSH, Free T4, Free T3
    • Cortisol (AM & PM), ACTH
    • Prolactin
    • LH, FSH, Estradiol, Progesterone
    • IGF-1 (growth hormone marker)
  2. Ask About Advanced Testing
    • 24-hour urine cortisol
    • Midnight salivary cortisol
    • Dexamethasone suppression test
  3. Document Your Symptoms
    Keep a log of weight changes, headaches, vision shifts, fatigue, and sleep issues. Patterns over time can reveal what a single lab test might miss.
  4. Seek Out a Pituitary Specialist
    Not all endocrinologists dig deep into pituitary health. Look for one affiliated with a pituitary or neuroendocrine clinic if possible.

🌱 Supporting Your Hormonal Health at Home

While you fight for answers, small steps can ease the burden on your endocrine system:

  • Prioritize anti-inflammatory foods: leafy greens, cruciferous veggies, lean proteins, omega-3 fats.
  • Cut back on processed sugar and alcohol, which fuel insulin resistance and stress hormones.
  • Commit to restorative sleep, as many pituitary hormones are secreted overnight.
  • Practice stress relief (yoga, meditation, gentle walking) to calm cortisol.

📚 Resources

  • Pituitary Network Association: pituitary.org
  • Hormone Health Network: hormone.org
  • The Hormone Cure by Dr. Sara Gottfried
  • Could It Be My Hormones? by Dr. Geoffrey Redmond

⚠️ Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional before making changes to your health plan.

✍️ About the Author

Audrey Childers (A.L. Childers) is an author, researcher, and advocate for women’s health who has lived through the frustration of being told “it’s just menopause.” Drawing from her own experiences with thyroid disease, weight struggles, and hormone chaos, she writes to empower women to question dismissive answers and demand real solutions. Her books and blogs bridge science, storytelling, and personal resilience to help others take back their health.

🛏️ My Healing Era: The Evening Calm Tonic That’s Changing My Life

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There’s something sacred about the quiet hours after sunset — the moment the world slows down and you finally have permission to exhale.

For years, I struggled with sleep, stress, hormone chaos, thyroid crashes, and that relentless “wired but tired” feeling. Sound familiar?

But now? I’ve stepped into what I lovingly call my Healing Era — and one of the biggest game changers has been this simple, nourishing Evening Calm Tonic. No pills. No drama. Just peace in a cup.

Let me share my recipe, the science behind it, and why this gentle ritual may help you fall asleep faster, feel calmer, and wake up lighter — body, mind, and soul.

🌙 “Evening Calm Tonic” Recipe

🧪 Ingredients:

  • 1 serving of liquid magnesium glycinate (per bottle instructions)
  • 3 grams (½ tsp) of pure glycine powder
  • 100-200 mg of L-theanine powder (or contents of a capsule)
  • A pinch of Celtic or Himalayan salt (for trace minerals + adrenal support)
  • Warm filtered water or herbal tea (like chamomile, lemon balm, or reishi)
  • Optional: 1-2 drops of vanilla, cinnamon, or honey (if desired)

🍵 Instructions:

  1. In your favorite mug, mix warm water or herbal tea with all the ingredients.
  2. Stir well until glycine dissolves completely (it’s naturally sweet — no need to mask it).
  3. Sip slowly in a quiet space — journal, stretch, read, or simply breathe.

💛 Why This Works (Gently, Beautifully, and Naturally)

🧘‍♀️ Magnesium Glycinate

Calms your nervous system, supports muscle relaxation, and helps your body unwind from daily tension — especially powerful during hormone changes and thyroid slumps.

🧠 L-Theanine

A natural amino acid that promotes alpha brain waves — the same calm, creative, meditative state you feel after a deep sigh or during prayer.

🌿 Glycine

Your body’s “restorative whisper.” Glycine helps you produce collagen, detox estrogen, lower cortisol, support liver function, and fall into deeper, more restorative sleep.

🧂 Mineral-Rich Salt

A dash of sea salt replenishes adrenal minerals lost to stress and supports hydration — which many women in menopause, hypothyroidism, or high-stress states desperately need.

🌺 How It Helped Me

Since starting this tonic, I’ve noticed:

  • Fewer 3 a.m. wakeups
  • Less racing thoughts at bedtime
  • Deeper, dreamier sleep
  • More calm in my heart and mind
  • A sense of ritual — a signal to my body that I’m safe, grounded, and healing

And that’s the point of your Healing Era, isn’t it?

Not perfection. Not quick fixes.

Just simple, beautiful ways to honor your body and give it what it’s been begging for.

📚 From the Healing Shelf: My Books

As a passionate health researcher and author, I’ve poured my experiences and healing wisdom into books that support women through hormonal shifts, thyroid recovery, emotional healing, and beyond.

✨ Some of my featured books include:

  • “Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Meal Plan to Reset Your Thyroid”
  • “A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s”
  • “Fresh & Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance”
  • “The Quantum Leap: Habits That Reshape Your Reality”
  • “Rode Hard and Put Up Wet: Natural Remedies for the Worn-Out Woman”

You can explore them all on Amazon under A.L. Childers — or visit my blog TheHypothyroidismChick.com for free tips, downloads, and deep dives into natural healing.

👩‍💻 About the Author

Audrey Childers, writing under the pen name A.L. Childers, is a health journalist, autoimmune warrior, thyroid thriver, and truth-teller with a heart for women navigating messy healing journeys. After reversing her hypothyroidism, losing weight during menopause, and rebuilding her life from the inside out, she now empowers others to do the same — one page, one post, and one tonic at a time.

⚠️ Disclaimer

This blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any medical condition. Always consult your healthcare provider before starting new supplements or routines — especially if you have pre-existing conditions or take medications.

🧠 The Freckled Oracle™ Presents: “Menopause Hijacked My Body Like a Bad Roommate: And No One Would Listen”What it’s like when your hormones throw a party—and you weren’t invited.

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“Menopause Hijacked My Body Like a Bad Roommate: And No One Would Listen”
What it’s like when your hormones throw a party—and you weren’t invited.

I used to be a size 5.

No, seriously—I lived in that body like it was my hometown. We had an understanding. She liked water and long walks. I fed her decent food. She gave me energy and confidence.

But then…
I hit 45.
And suddenly, my body changed the locks and threw a damn house party without me.

🎃 Something Wicked This Way Came…

They call it perimenopause, but they should call it Paranoia-palooza with bonus bloating and soul fog. It didn’t happen all at once. It crept in like an ex you didn’t block soon enough:

  • A little weight gain
  • A little more irritability
  • A little less sleep
  • And a lot of “What the hell is happening to me?”

I tried it all.
🥗 Clean eating
🏋🏽 Exercise
💊 Supplements
🧘🏽 Breathwork
And still—my jeans said, “Ma’am… please.”
And the scale said, “LOL.”

🧬 The Real Culprits?

Hormones, cortisol, menopause, and hypothyroidism—oh my.

I knew something was off. I could feel the betrayal under my skin. But what did I get?

  • “Try cutting carbs.”
  • “Are you stressed?”
  • “It’s just part of aging.”

NO. This wasn’t “just aging.” This was a complete biological coup.
And it was happening in my own home: my body.

🧠 I Know What This Is—And I Know I’m Not Alone

I’m A.L. Childers, aka The Freckled Oracle™, and I’m skilled in this area. I’ve studied hormones, written books on thyroid health, and talked to hundreds of women with stories like mine.

But how do I help others when I’m still trying to pull myself out of the wreckage?

That’s the part no one talks about.
Helping others while still healing yourself.

🚪 The Truth: My Body Didn’t Betray Me—It Was Screaming for Help

Once I really listened, I heard the signs:

  • My thyroid was dragging
  • My cortisol was spiking
  • My estrogen was on a see-saw from hell
  • And my body was trying to keep me alive in a world that never gave me space to rest

This wasn’t my fault.
And if you’re going through it—it’s not yours either.

💬 What I Want You to Know

🧡 If your belly won’t go down no matter what you eat
🧡 If your energy disappears by 2 p.m.
🧡 If you cry at ads, hate your spouse, and wonder if you’re losing your mind…

You’re probably not broken. You’re probably in menopause—or about to be.
And you’re probably doing better than you think.

📚 My Hormonal Healing Books:

  • Reset Your Thyroid: 21-Day Plan to Heal from Hashimoto’s Naturally
  • A Women’s Holistic Holy Grail Handbook for Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s
  • Fresh and Fabulous Hypothyroidism Body Balance
  • Reclaiming Myself from Hormones and Hell: Coming Soon

You can heal. You can rebalance. And if you’re not there yet—you can laugh with me while we figure it out together.

📣 Call to Sisters Everywhere:

If you feel like your body is possessed, you’re not alone.
If your old clothes don’t fit and your doctors don’t get it—I do.
This blog isn’t just a vent. It’s a hand reaching back to pull someone else out.

📌 Disclaimer:

This blog is for informational and inspirational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider before making any changes to your health regimen.

“The Freckled Oracle™” is a protected brand identity in commercial use by A.L. Childers. All rights reserved.

📚 Read More by The Freckled Oracle™

Written by A.L. Childers, author of over 200 books exposing truth, sparking healing, and empowering women from every walk of life.
🛒 Explore her full collection here:
➡️ amazon.com/author/alchilders

💡 What You Can Do Next:

  • Share this post with someone who needs to know it’s not “just age”
  • Read my other truth-filled blog:
    🧠 The Silent Curse: How Hypothyroidism Haunts Women
  • Follow me on TikTok: @TheFreckledOracle
  • Join my email list to know when Reclaiming Myself from Hormones and Hell drops

💔 “From Size 7 to Silence: How My Body Changed Overnight—and How I’m Fighting Back”

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💔 “From Size 7 to Silence: How My Body Changed Overnight—and How I’m Fighting Back”

By A.L. Childers | Blogger • Wellness Warrior • Woman Who’s Been There

One day you’re young.
And then one day… you’re not.

It doesn’t happen with a loud bang. There’s no dramatic moment. No soundtrack. Just a slow, creeping awareness that your body isn’t bouncing back like it used to. Your jeans are tighter. Your skin looks different. Your energy? Gone. Your self-esteem? On life support.

For me, it hit like a silent landslide.
I blinked and went from a confident, thin, active woman—no more than 130 pounds even after three kids—
to a 52-year-old woman sitting at 220 pounds, wondering how I got here, feeling too ashamed to even go to girls’ night.

🧬 What No One Told Me About Hormones & Age

It started around 45. The weight crept in. My face changed shape. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I didn’t recognize—someone tired, puffy, worn down, and heavy. Not just in body, but in spirit.

I blamed myself.
I told myself I was lazy.
I hated my body for betraying me.
But what I didn’t realize was this:

My body wasn’t betraying me—it was fighting for me.
And I hadn’t been listening.

💉 The Wake-Up Call: Bloodwork That Hit Me Like a Freight Train

After five years of ignoring my health (because moms do that), I finally got bloodwork done.

  • My cholesterol was dangerously high
  • My thyroid was out of balance
  • My hormones were all over the place
  • And the doctor bluntly told me: “You’re heart attack-prone.”

Suddenly, it all made sense:
The exhaustion. The weight gain. The depression. The constant feeling that my body was working against me.

🌿 I Decided to Stop Shaming Myself—And Start Fighting Back

I cried. Then I got up.

I started researching. I began herbal supplementation and gentle daily movement. I cut out foods that inflamed me and added in those that healed me. Within days, I felt a shift.

No, I’m not back in my size 7 jeans yet.
But for the first time in a long time, I don’t want to sleep all day.
I don’t hate myself. I see myself coming back.

And let me say this:

There is NO shame in wanting to feel like YOU again.
I loved being a size 7. And guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that.

🧠 What I’ve Learned About Midlife Body Changes

  • Perimenopause and menopause change everything: weight distribution, mood, metabolism, energy, and memory.
    🔗 Source: Mayo Clinic – Perimenopause: Symptoms & Treatment
  • Estrogen & progesterone imbalances cause fat storage around the midsection, insulin resistance, and even panic attacks.
    🔗 Source: Cleveland Clinic – Hormone Imbalance in Women
  • Thyroid dysfunction is common after 40, and it can make weight loss nearly impossible until treated.
    🔗 Source: American Thyroid Association – Understanding Hypothyroidism

❤️ A Note to Every Woman Who Feels Invisible

If you’re like me, and you’ve been feeling ashamed, embarrassed, or left behind in your own life, please hear this:

  • You are not broken.
  • You are not lazy.
  • You are not alone.

Your body isn’t the enemy. It’s the only soldier still fighting for you after everything.

🌱 What’s Helping Me Right Now

  • Ashwagandha + Rhodiola for adrenal fatigue
  • Magnesium glycinate for anxiety and hormonal balance
  • DIM & Chasteberry to support estrogen detox
  • Walking + stretching, not punishing workouts
  • Forgiveness for how I treated my body when I didn’t know better

🔗 Explore trusted info on herbs from Dr. Aviva Romm, MD — a Yale-trained midwife and women’s health expert

✨ Final Thought

Aging isn’t fair. Hormones aren’t fair.
But you still deserve to love your body—even when you’re fighting to feel like yourself again.

This isn’t about vanity.
It’s about vitality.
And you have every right to fight for yours.

If this touched you, share it.
You never know which woman in your life is silently hating her reflection—and just needs someone to say, “Me too.”

#PerimenopauseTruth #MidlifeWellness #HormonalWeightGain #SelfCompassion #FightBackWithLove #TheHypothyroidismChick #ALChildersWrites #RealTalkForWomen #Size7AndProud