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Came for Yule Peace… and Accidentally Summoned Productivity ✨🌲

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(A Very Serious Guide to Ancient Rituals I Absolutely Perform in Pajamas)

I told myself I was going to “keep Yule simple this year.”

Then I lit one candle…
Which led to herbs…
Which led to intentions…
Which led to me talking to my house like it’s a sentient being with opinions.

Congratulations.
It’s Yule.

First—What Is Yule, Really? (And Why Our Ancestors Were Way More Practical Than Us)

Yule is ancient. Like older-than-Christmas ancient.

Long before shopping carts and Mariah Carey, Germanic and Norse cultures celebrated the Winter Solstice—the longest night of the year. The goal was simple:

👉 Survive winter
👉 Welcome the sun back
👉 Don’t die
👉 Be grateful if you didn’t die

Fire, evergreen plants, food preservation, and light rituals weren’t aesthetic—they were life insurance.

So yes… lighting a candle for “manifestation” today is spiritual.
But originally, it was also: “Please come back, Sun. We need crops.”

Yule Candle Ritual (a.k.a. Mood Lighting With Purpose)

History

Fire symbolized the sun itself—hope returning after darkness. Ever notice how every winter holiday has candles, lights, or flames? That’s Yule showing up uninvited and being right.

How to Do It (Modern, No Goat Sacrifice Version)

You’ll need:

  • One candle (white, gold, red, or green)
  • A quiet space (or at least kids temporarily distracted)

Steps:

  1. Light the candle.
  2. Stare at it like you’re waiting for answers.
  3. Think about:
    • What you want more of next year
    • What you are DONE carrying
  4. Say (out loud or in your head):
    “I welcome light, warmth, clarity, and good decisions.”

Extinguish safely. Do not blow on it like a birthday candle unless you want chaotic energy.

Evergreen Cleansing & Protection (AKA: Sage’s Winter Cousins)

History

Evergreens—pine, cedar, juniper—were sacred because they stayed alive in winter. Ancient people saw this as resilience magic, not décor.

How to Do It

You’ll need:

  • Pine, cedar, or juniper (fresh or dried)
  • A fire-safe bowl or incense burner

Steps:

  1. Light the herbs until they smolder.
  2. Walk through your home slowly.
  3. Say (firmly, lovingly):
    “This space is safe, warm, and blessed.”

If your house feels lighter afterward, that’s not placebo—it’s you setting boundaries.

Gratitude Offering (Low-Effort, High Impact)

History

Offerings were how ancient people said thank you to nature spirits, ancestors, and the forces that didn’t freeze them to death.

How to Do It

You’ll need:

  • Bread, herbs, pinecones, seeds, or fruit

Steps:

  1. Step outside at sunrise or sunset.
  2. Place the offering on the ground.
  3. Say thank you—for warmth, food, shelter, and surviving another year.

That’s it. No chanting required. Gratitude is universal.

The Manifestation Jar (Because Witches Were Just Organized Planners)

History

Spell jars date back centuries and were basically intentions you could hold. Our ancestors didn’t journal—they bottled goals.

How to Make One

You’ll need:

  • A small jar
  • Cinnamon (prosperity)
  • Pine needles (protection)
  • Orange peel (joy)
  • A piece of paper

Steps:

  1. Write ONE intention. Be specific.
  2. Place it in the jar.
  3. Add the ingredients.
  4. Seal with wax (or a lid—this is a judgment-free altar).

Keep it until Imbolc (early February), then release or refresh it.

Decorating the Yule Tree (The Pagan Roots of Christmas)

Yes. The tree was pagan first. Sorry, history.

Evergreens symbolized eternal life. Ornaments represented the sun, harvest, and protection. Lights? Again—sun worship, but festive.

So if you’re decorating a tree while setting intentions, congratulations. You’re accidentally honoring your ancestors.

Gentle (But Necessary) Disclaimer

This blog is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
It is not medical, religious, or legal advice.
Please do not burn your house down or blame me if your manifestation includes emotional growth.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a writer, humorist, and spiritual storyteller who blends ancient wisdom with modern sarcasm. Her books explore healing, history, resilience, and the uncomfortable truth that our ancestors were smarter than we give them credit for.

📚 Follow me for more writing like this—and check out my books, where food, folklore, healing, humor, and history collide beautifully. If you like learning while laughing, you’re in the right place.

A Very Merry Christmas to the Side Chicks 🎄🐸( When Holiday Audacity Meets Reality)

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(When Holiday Audacity Meets Reality)

There’s a special kind of confidence required to think you’re meeting the family when you’re actually the plot twist.

Enter the holiday season’s most honest spokesperson:
A green frog.
A glass of tea.
And the quiet judgment of Christmas reality.

Let’s Sip on This Together ☕

“Merry Christmas to the side chicks who thought they were meeting the family this Christmas.”

If this meme had a sound, it would be the soft clink of ice in a glass and the echo of choices were made.

This isn’t cruelty.
This is clarity.

Christmas has a way of exposing truths faster than any group chat leak:

  • Who gets a stocking
  • Who gets introduced as “a friend”
  • And who suddenly realizes they’re spending Christmas Eve alone with Chinese takeout and audacity

Holiday Traditions, Reimagined

Every family has traditions:

  • Matching pajamas
  • Awkward political arguments
  • That one uncle who overshares

And then there are unspoken traditions:

  • If you haven’t met the family by December… you’re not meeting them in December.
  • If you’re told “maybe next year,” that year is fictional.
  • If you’re still labeled “private,” the relationship is public—just not with you.

Sip accordingly.

Why This Meme Works So Well

Because it says everything without saying your name.

It’s not angry.
It’s not loud.
It’s just… observant.

And that’s the most dangerous kind of truth.

A Gentle Christmas Reminder 🎁

If you’re someone’s secret:

  • You’re not their miracle
  • You’re their convenience

And Christmas is when convenience gets ghosted.

But also—chin up. Growth season often starts with clarity season.

Satire Disclaimer

This blog is satire.
It is intended for humor, social commentary, and collective holiday laughter.
If you feel personally attacked, please consult your situationship and reflect quietly.

No frogs were harmed in the making of this blog.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a satirical writer and cultural observer who specializes in humor rooted in uncomfortable truths. Known for blending wit, social commentary, and unapologetic honesty, she writes about relationships, modern dating culture, and the moments when memes tell the truth better than people ever could.

Women Are Angels… But Also Resourceful as Hell 🧹

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(A Holiday-Season Sermon on Wings, Broomsticks, and Sheer Audacity)

The sign sat there quietly. Unassuming. Decorative. Innocent even.
And then it spoke the truth no self-help book has ever had the nerve to say out loud:

“Women are angels.
And when someone breaks our wings,
We simply continue to fly…
On a broomstick.
We’re flexible like that.”

I stood there staring at it longer than socially acceptable, nodding like someone who had just been personally validated by a plank of wood.

A Short History of Broken Wings

Women, historically speaking, have had their wings snapped more times than a dollar-store lawn chair.

By life.
By love.
By systems.
By people who said “just be patient” while actively standing on the feathers.

And yet—somehow—we keep flying.

Not gracefully.
Not quietly.
But effectively.

Sometimes with mascara running.
Sometimes with receipts.
Sometimes with caffeine and spite.

Enter: The Broomstick Era

Let’s talk about the broomstick for a moment, because this is where the wisdom lives.

The broomstick is not a downgrade.
It’s a pivot.

It says:

  • You took my wings? Cool. I adapted.
  • You blocked the sky? Fine. I found another route.
  • You underestimated me? Adorable.

This isn’t about magic.
It’s about problem-solving.

When flight plans are canceled, women invent transportation.

Why This Quote Hits So Hard

Because it captures the unspoken truth of womanhood:

We don’t stop when things break.
We rebuild with whatever is left.

Broken heart? Add humor.
Broken trust? Add boundaries.
Broken wings? Add a broomstick and keep it moving.

And then society has the nerve to call us intense.

A Holiday Observation 🎄

The holidays are when this sign becomes less inspirational and more autobiographical.

This is the season where women:

  • Hold families together with duct tape and wine
  • Turn chaos into traditions
  • Smile politely while doing emotional labor like it’s cardio

Angels? Sure.
But angels with contingency plans.

The Real Moral of the Story

Flexibility isn’t weakness.
It’s survival with flair.

And if flying looks a little different these days—louder, sharper, broomstick-shaped—so be it.

We were never meant to break quietly.

Satire Disclaimer

This blog is satirical.
It is written for humor, empowerment, and the therapeutic joy of recognition.
No actual broomsticks are required for flight (though highly recommended for attitude).
Any resemblance to your life is intentional.

About the Author

A.L. Childers is a humorist, essayist, and cultural commentator known for blending wit with lived truth. She captures the resilience, sarcasm, and quiet rebellion of modern womanhood—one sharp observation at a time.